Ban the Bag

Seems that my local Municipal Environment Committee would like to ban plastic shopping bags locally and they want your help to do it . . . well okay and your approval. They've got another survey online where you can answer four questions on the subject of banning the single use plastic shopping bag here, if you're interested. Although single use isn't an accurate name for them, I don't know about you but mine normally get used twice before they hit the landfill.

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No matter, soon we'll be back to hauling our groceries home in a paper sack and think of the fun we can have making giant hand puppets of them. No matter onto the fun, yeah?

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In case you're in Winnipeg and you're looking for something to do after you get shot with a pellet gun and have your car stolen, why not try the Winnipass activity package? The Winnipeg Ghost Tour from the good folks over at All About Ghosts is good times too, and looks like both include a stop at the St. B Museum, which is supposed to be haunted BTW.

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But maybe you don't like to go out and do stuff and would rather hide out in your man cave, or your mum's basement, and that's cool too . . . and if you belong to the latter group you'd best grab your inhaler because this link will show you the wonders that is the Lego Vault - the, I can only assume super high security, super secret, super awesome storage space where ever Lego set ever created is stored. Presumably so that after the nuclear holocaust the radio active zombie kids will have some excellent toys or so that thousands of years into the future an Archaeologist in moon boots and metallic one piece jumpsuit can unearth this treasure trove and make some sort of well meaning but misinformed theory about them being grave goods showing everyday life in our world (pirates, castles and space exploration is a pretty normal day for me, what about you?) or miniature representations of our deities . . . which probably isn't too far off the mark.

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Speaking of Lego - how bad ass is this, the Lego Death Star. I can think of a few people who will be wanting to get that sum bitch.

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I don't know if you're looking for something to do next Saturday night, why not check out some indie wrasslin' from Ringmasters Entertainment at the Dryden Arena as part of their Moosefest? We went last year and man it was good times, no doubt helped that we ended up sitting in the section for the handicapped and/or people who don't know that wrestling isn't real. Soooo awesome. I know I'll see you there.

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As a somewhat interesting aside, when I saw Henry Rollins at the Walker last RME wrestler E Z Ryder was working security and I'm certain that Bobby Collins worked as a bouncer at Scandals and we referred to him as Yosemite Sam as he was little, red headed and had a superb 'stache at the time.

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And now for your bit of fun and my sign off - if you liked the Planet Rock Album Cover Quiz you'll definitely love the hidden band name picture game; there are something like 70 some band names represented in the picture at that link, how many can you uncover?

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I'm outta here, until next time.

Who needs zoom zoom zoom?

When you could be roaring down the highway at 205 factory miles per hour (328 km/h) in a 638 horsepower 2009 Corvette ZR1 (BTW that's Zed-R-1 not Zee-R-1, doesn't it sound so much more pansy when you say Zee instead of Zed?). Try to tell me that wouldn't be a fun car to drive . . . and to think my car is only 310 horsepower and tops off at 163 miles per hour (not that I've ever driven it that fast, honest). You can read a little more about the high speed run on a German track here if you like, but what's left to know, maybe other than how badly did the dude in the passenger shit himself when the driver hammered on the throttle.

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But with record high gas prices maybe you aren't really in the market for a sports car and want something more fuel efficient, like the electric Tesla Roadster (0 - 60 mph in under 4 seconds) or maybe even a Vespa (0 - 60 if you throw it out of a plane)?.

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You wanna talk gasoline price records, right now gasoline is cheaper in Wunnumin Lake ($1.35/litre) than in Sioux Lookout ($1.439/litre or $6.53/imperial gallon or $5.44/US gallon), maybe the oil companies should read this article about how it's only a myth that we're running out of oil? In case they're not quite right, how about this (albeit somewhat aged) article about Israel getting oil from a stone, please make your own jokes about cheap Jewish people, I won't do it for it you. Seems the process involves crushing shale and at the time of writing that article was costing about $20 per barrel. Oil from stone $20, oil from Omar et al. $130 . . . this seems pretty straight forward to me. All I want to know is if I can get any 91 octane granite around here?

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How do gas prices in your town stack up? I guess you can play the compare game here, or at any of the other similar sites for other cities/provinces in case you don't like in the great province of Ontario. I guess it could be worse, we could be paying European prices for gasoline. If our gas prices have you on the verge of tears seeing the Euro prices will put you into a deep depression . . . the kind of depression where you wear all black and just hangout in your room writing more of your shitty poetry in that ratty spiral bound notebook listening to The Cure . . . if I only I could ride my bike all year round (my mileage was almost 73 miles per imperial gallon last night on a mix of highway and town driving) I'd be laughing. Or at least crying less . . . okay crying about different stuff.

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Actually I've said it before and I'll surely say it again, if gas dropped down to $1.00/litre I'd have a party - shit I'd probably spray some up in the air and put a little in the tank of the car next to me because it'd be so fucking cheap. And to think I can remember a time when I thought that a buck a litre was expensive . . . makes me think back to my high school shop teacher so said I'd see the $5.00 gallon of gas in my life time and how right he was . . . I just wonder if he also thought he'd see it in his?

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I think the only real way to affect change in the price of oil/gasoline/energy whatever you want to call it is to use less of the stuff, supply will out grow demand and then prices should drop. Although I could also see the energy companies getting tired of shrinking profit margins when we all become tree hugging soap dodgers and them increasing the cost per unit of energy so that they can continue shit loonies (imagine the noise that'd make) and wipe with $100 bills (imagine the mess that would make). Gee does that make me sound cynical?

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Seeing as how I mentioned Vespas earlier, the Winnipeg Vespa dealership has been advertising a lot on Power 97 lately and the basic gist of the commercials is that Vespas aren't just for Nancy-boys, they're modern new age guys who love the environment & not spending much on gas and no doubt wear eyeliner and carry murses. I'm sure that ad campaign will sell tons of the bikes in Winnipeg (which is the ironic font again?). Perhaps they should have played up the mod-chic of them from days gone by? That's what I would have done . . . and then maybe we could have Mods and Rockers battling it out at Assiniboine Park just like at Brighton in 1964. I wonder if that would steal headlines away from Winnipeg's car thefts, gang action and North End fun fairs?.

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Oh yeah and to quote the Weakerthans, the Guess Who sucked and the Jets were lousy anyway.

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That's about enough of that for now, how about a little fun? Yeah I thought you'd like that, so here's the Planet Rock Album Cover Quiz. On my first go through I could get 12 of the 54. There were more that I recognised but couldn't put names to . . . can you help a brother out?

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Remember, fuck a mod.

It's Monday Yo

And today I'm off to Kasabonika and then tomorrow it's Wunnumin for a couple days, I do get around don't I. All I can say is it should be interesting . . . and that's if my back doesn't go out again.

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No matter that's not why you're here, so let's see what we can drag up for a Monday morning . . . first off I want to know where can I get one of these? And before you start to try to be a wiseneheimer, no I don't mean a protest. Check out the video too.

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And here's a public service announcement for anyone who's whipped out their ass as a form of rebuttal, check out this article about a Dutchman who was injured in a tragic mooning accident. Who know throwing up the glazed hams could be so dangerous? I'll have to seriously reconsider doing it again.

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Speaking of hams - how about this article that claims that low sodium diets might be worse than high salt diets, cardiovascularly speaking that is. All I can say is pass the salt and gimme more nitrates. Not that I was cutting back on those tasty tasty things anyway.
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Reading this article about a newspaper photographer who was given a lifetime achievement award this in the First ScotRail Press Photography Awards, fondly recalled a previous prize he won for a picture he took at the Commonwealth Games in Edinburgh - his weight in whisky has me thinking that I need to start taking more photos. I'm not a big whiskey drinking but I guess I could be or maybe I could trade for my weight in sweet sweet amber rum?
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If you're like me you're a white person, and you like stuff, and you just might like the website Stuff White People Like. I know I like it and like I said I'm a honky.
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It's a well known fact that I like cars, and don't like hybrids and this article makes me happy way down there inside me where only bad things grow. Seems that in a real world contest a Toyota Prius lost a gas mileage challenge against the BMW 520d. I love it - suck on that you hybrid driving soap dodgers. By the way, what do you do with the big battery that hybrid runs on when it's time to change it? And the BMW looks like something that you wouldn't be ashamed to drive around in. Okay that I wouldn't be ashamed to drive around in.
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Well now that I'm done foaming at the mouth about hybrids sucking and super efficient diesels ruling how about a pic that will damned near have you rushing off to the Ukraine to join their army.
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And I think I'll sign off with a bit of fun for you; click here and enter your first name on the first line and your last name on the second line. I'd advise against entering your email address, but it's your life and you do whatever the hell you want with it. Now click on 'Vizualizar' and enjoy the show.
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Until next time and remember I don't want none unless you got buns hun.

All Aboard!

As some of you already know I like to travel so I figured today I'll share some information that might be helpful in case you like to or think you like to travel as well. We'll start at the start with airline costs.

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Seems that this could be bad news for me, and watch out fatties because apparently airlines are considering treating passengers like freight (I already fly on one airline that already does that to a point) and charging by weight. So if that does happen, have your photo ID ready when you approach the counter and leave your bag of nickels at home.

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For the older or more experienced traveller here are some pictures that may bring back fond memories of air travel from the past where it was supposed to a luxurious or at least special and unique experience. I can't understand the words, but I pretty much get the drift of the pictures.

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So now, fat or not, you're on the plane and off to your destination, and it's always a good idea to know what you can and cannot get away with at your destination, so here, because I care, are the 7 "innocent" gestures that can get you killed over seas.

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So now that you know the upturned thumb means up your ass in the Middle East and the open extended palm is "I rub shit in your face" in Greece (shit do they do anything there that doesn't involve an asshole in one form or another?).

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Okay, so you're there now, and you know what hand gestures you shouldn't do, but what do you and what's it going to cost you? Well have no fear because I have for you here the price of a pint of beer in 202, make that 204 (they've added two since I was there last) different countries from around the world, and you can look at it in different currencies to, just in case you don't like to spend good old Canadian dollars.

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All right so now you've managed to not offend people and not be surprised by the price of the glass of beer you just drank, so now what? How about a good hard shag? Yeah thought you'd like that, so here, for your travel budgeting pleasure, are the prices of sex in various countries around the world. From this chart looks like South East Asia has the best bang for your buck, pun entirely intended, and in London your better off to hit the boozer and try cash in on your exotic foreign accent and the effectiveness of tart fuel with the ladies than hiring one.

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I don't have huge experience in this department but the city in Thailand I was in you could get a girl for a day, and delivered to your hotel, for about $50 Canadian, the ones that spoke English (apparently in the world of Thai whores, speaking English and saying English are about the same thing) cost a little more. We were also told by our cab driver in Kuala Lumpur that Indonesia was even better for hiring girls and that one could be had for about 1/3 of what they cost in Betong.

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So you should be well satiated by now and maybe after a couple drinks and a girl or three you're thinking that you're a man now . . . well maybe not, it all depends on where you're coming from, or where you are I suppose. Here for your learning pleasure are some of the most terrifying passage into manhood rites from around the globe. I think I'll stick to chest hair and sideburns proving you're a man thanks.

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How's that for some holiday planning? Not bad eh, but now that the trip is over you probably think you're free and clear, or at least you will be once you can pee freely and the rash clears up, but no there could be one more major obstacle to your returning home, seems that jackasses in the Canadian government think that there should be a law that would allow digital devices (everything from oh I dunno you're laptop to your iPod to your digi-cam) be inspected by Customs Agents for pirated content. Now not only would that add a whole lot of time to the trip through customs at the airport, after all how many songs do you have on you iPod and how much porn is on that laptop?, but think of the invasion of privacy that comes along with it . . . especially the invasion of privacy that comes with being cornholed in prison after you're convicted for thousands of counts of copyright violation.

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I don't know about you, but I'll be keeping my eye on this one.

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Anyway that's her for now, until next time.

Scream for me Winnipeg!

Monday night I saw one of the best concerts of my life, Iron Maiden at the MTS Centre in Winnipeg on their Somewhere Back in Time tour, a dusting off of the infamous World Slavery tour, of sorts, where the Live After Death album was recorded over. The show was fantastic, the band sounded perfect (although the vocals/mic seemed to get lost in the mix a couple of times throughout the night), I got to see two different Eddies on stage (finally when I saw them play in Minneapolis with Blaze Bayley fronting the band it was in a bar and there was no Eddie), first a mummy Eddie and then the Somewhere in Time Eddie, and not only it was it the first sell out that I was at in the MTS Centre, it was the first time I've seen people in the Upper Bowl of the arena.

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I'm not the only one who felt this way about the show, see what the Winnipeg Free Press thought about the show here. And there are a bunch of videos from the concert up on YouTube here if you're interested . . . and I know you are . . . and jealous.

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If you weren't there you missed out big time, but have hope. There was talk of touring in support of new material with stops in Canada (Bruce commented on how fast the Western Canadian shows sold out, but when you don't play somewhere for 17 years that kinda thing is bound to happen . . . actually Bruce also accurately commented how that some of the people in the crowd weren't even born the last time they played in the 'Peg) and Bruce also mentioned a festival show in Winnipeg, but I think that was just stage talk, like when a band tells the crowd that their the best one on the tour, every night.

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But it'd be cool, imagine it the Winnipeg Open Air Metal Festival, maybe it could rival Wacken?

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And since it's Winnipeg you know you won't look out of place if you show up in your grain truck or on your tractor.

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And if you're interested you can go here to save $10 on Cirque du Soleil Saltimbanco matinee tickets for their Winnipeg shows in July. I have absolutely no interest in going to see this, but maybe you do.

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That's enough for today - UP THE IRONS!

Ba-dah-dah-dah I'm Lovin' It

According to an email from a friend of mine who lives in the city this sign was up this past weekend at the McDonald's on Red River Road in Thunder Bay, Ontario. It was there from Saturday morning until sometime Sunday afternoon when someone told the restaurant management about it. Apparently the sign was changed sometime after that.

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I'll let you make your own jokes about McDonald's food having always tasted like ass, no need for me to do it.

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That's enough local news, don't you think. How about some history, of sorts. The video I've got above was my first introduction to KMFDM sometime in 1993 or 1994 playing on Much Music late one night, yes you can make your comments about it being back when MM used to play videos.

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We all remember that, well except for the kids today, for all they know Much has always been about trying find love for Tila Tequila and Video on Trial . . . which I guess is showing videos and rather amusing. The little gay guy from Winnipeg is hilarious . . . actually most of the jurors on the show are pretty good. Notice I said most.

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No matter I'm sure I only stopped long enough to watch the video because of the animation, but the song quickly sucked me in and I've been a fan ever since. I even bought some of their albums on CD back before the days of digital downloads for prices running around $28 or $30 because they were imports or some other bullshit like that. Good industrial music though, and I was lucky enough to see them play at bar that's probably not open anymore in Port Arthur.

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If you've ever been in my living room you probably don't think I need any more action figures, but this one is a must get, don't you think? There are some more pics of it here if you're interested. It's pretty bad ass don't you think?
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How about some science now? According to this piece of propaganda eating three strips of bacon a day can give you bowel cancer. All I can say to that is if that's how it's going to be you might as well fire up a smoke with your breakfast, because Jebus knows we ain't giving up the bacon.

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Bacon, is there anything it can't do?

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And on the forefront of bacon technology, how about bacon in a can? Yeah at first you're probably thinking how horrible an idea that is, but then after a second or two you come to your senses and realise how awesome it is. Think about, it'd be perfect for camping, car trips (ever try to fry up bacon while on the highway? It's harder than it sounds) or your post disaster survival kit (just because the countryside is over run by nuclear zombies and roaches the size of Buicks doesn't mean you can't have a nice bacon sandwich . . . speaking of better add some HP sauce to that survival kit as well).

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And finally here's an article from the UK about a granny who found a 3" needle in her bacon. I'm sure it was placed there by some radical member of an anti-bacon terrorist group. No doubt the same people spreading the bacon/cancer propaganda as well.

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Well you know what they say, you can have my salty meat products when you pry them from my cold, dead hands.

The Force is Strong in This One

Seems that George Lucas has a daughter who is an MMA fighter and she made her MMA debut in Auckland on the weekend. You can read all about it here if you're interested, or like me you're just surprised that George Lucas has kids, for some reason I just never thought about him married with kids, driving a golf cart around the Skywalker Ranch in an Ewok costume yes, fathering his own younglings no. Go figure.

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In movie news, last night there was some discussion of upcoming movie sequels, and here's a list of 30 upcoming sequels that you maybe didn't know were in the works, and some that you'll ask why they're in the works.

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But don't worry I've got the cure for that disappointing bit up there, with a list from Rotten Tomatoes of 20 movie sequels we'd like to see, and it's a good list let me tell you. I know personally I'd like to see most of the films on that list.

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From sequels we'd like to see to sequels that are better than the original film. And I have to say that I almost completely agree with this list, and that's just because I haven't seen the Godfather films. Yeah it's true, you heard it here first.

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While we're on the subject of movie sequels, how about a review of one currently in theatres by my favourite critic of all time, the Filthy Critic. If you liked that one do check out his archives to see what Filthy thought about your favourite movies.

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From geek cinema to amazing talents, check out this video of some sort of crazy construction worker foreplay - a man undressing a lady with a piece of heavy equipment. It's pretty amazing, it's not rocket fast, but he gets it done, and manages to not bash in her head in the process. And to think I struggle with bra straps using my hands.

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Maybe you struggle with such devices as well - well all you need is more practice and maybe you can do that through some online dating, but you may want to avoid Cracked's 5 most ill-advised dating sites on the web. Oh and here's another one you may want to avoid, unless you're looking for a little chuckle. In case you're more serious about on line dating, I had someone recommend Plenty Of Fish to me, apparently it worked great for them. I haven't tried it, don't know if I will either, but I can't say I won't. Who knows, only my hair dresser that's who . . . and well that's me I guess.

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Maybe the online dating isn't working for you and perhaps you're ready to jump right into the mail order bride market, so here are the 6 creepiest mail order bride sites online, once again according to Cracked. If those sites don't do it for you and you're serious about mail ordering a bride there are other options out there . . . some of them right here in my home town.

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Now it's time to plan your wedding, and well if you've got blue eyes, you may have to buy more invitations. Seems that a Danish researcher has discovered that every blue eyed person out there has descended from just one common ancestor 6, 000 - 10, 000 years ago. You can read more about it here if you're interested. That is if you can get over the fact that the nice girl with blue eyes that you were making out with was actually your cousin. Sicko.

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So now you've got your mail order bride, but you're not sure how she's doing, well fret no longer, you can see how she scores and stacks up with this rate your wife test from the 1930's. Oh the times they are a changing.

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I think I'm about out of steam now, so I'll sign off with a question, do you think I can get away with this at any of the weddings I've got coming up?

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Well that's here for now.

Touch the pretty, pet the kitty

Sounds dirty don't it? But it's not . . . well not really it's just one of Kiko's lyrics from the latest Gorgeous Tiny Chicken Machine Show episode. If you liked that one there are ten other episodes for you to watch (if you don't want to watch thru the official website I think all the other episodes are on the YouTubes), and if you didn't like it, first off what's wrong with you and secondly you probably won't like the other ten.

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I've already sent this link for two alternate endings to the series (or was it season?) finale of Lost to a few of my friends who watch. I still haven't watched the videos at this link so I have no idea if it's legit or not, and I've still never seen an episode of the show (so I assume it's a remake of Lost in Space, but this time they're in Hawaii and everyone gets DUI's) so why start with alternate endings? And I'm sure I'll start watching some day when Bravo or A&E are re-running the shit out of it like it's Law & Order or something, but I don't think it's something that you can step into at the end of the 3rd season, or at least that's what people are telling me.

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And for the few of my geek brethren that I didn't already email this to, check out this link for a 1940's era picture of the Minutemen from the upcoming Watchmen film, scheduled for a March 2009 release. I don't know about you but I'm eagerly awaiting the release of this film and have high hopes for based on how good Alan Moore's source material was and the few promo pictures and articles I've seen online.

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Let's hope I'm not disappointed with the transfer from pulp to celluloid like I was with the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Trust me the graphic novel is much better than the film. Read it, you'll like it. Well you will if you like the same kind of stuff that I do, and since you keep coming back here, I can only assume that's true.

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But that's enough geekery for now, don't you think? Especially when it's all stuff that I've emailed to people already . . . okay so I'm also cyber lazy . . . cut, paste, publish . . . . but here's a rather interesting photo of a Nevada above ground atom bomb test lighting up the sky in Los Angeles. You can find eight other photos, courtesy of the LA Public Library, here along with descriptions of the photos. All glory to the power of the atom.

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Since we're in the depths of BBQ season, I'd like to give you this link and ask the question, why has it taken so long to come up with an idea so damned obvious?

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Well because I know we're all fans of 80's pop hits and breasts, here's a video for 99 Words for Boobs, which I don't think I have to tell you is a parody of 99 Luftballons . . . and in case you don't sprechen ze Duetsch here it is in English compwete wif Elmwer Fwudd style lisp.

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Hey how's this for some sweet, sweet irony? According to this article after all their fighting and prosecuting and trying to stop music piracy, seems that Sony BMG record label has been accused of using pirated software by French company PointDev.

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And in case there are any of you out there who are having difficulty ending things with your not-so-special anymore lady, check out this video that breaks down how to break up with your girlfriend in 64 easy steps. Apparently there are 5.33333333 . . . . times the steps to ending a relationship with a person than with booze. Whodda thunk it.

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And today I'll leave you with photographic proof that the end is near. Repent sinners, the reckoning is close at hand.

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Remember, everyone's a Captain Kirk?

Don't Read These Books

According to the conservative Human Events, these are the ten most harmful books of the 19th and 20th centuries. I guess I'm not so subversive because I've only read passages from one of these books for a class in my short but brilliant university career and I didn't think it was that good. The book not uni . . . well maybe both because I did drop out of uni after all.

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Now according to the Guardian (and who are they when they're at home?) these are the 100 greatest novels of all time. It may come as a surprise to you, but I've only read seven of the books on this list - and I haven't read The Catcher in the Rye, To Kill A Mockingbird or Catch 22 all of which seem to be books that just about everyone else can't get out of high school without reading - and I swear I graduated high school . . . just don't ask me where my diploma is at.

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Since we're in the countdown/list mode, how's about The 100 Worst Album Covers Ever? I actually five of the records on that list . . . can you guess which ones? And I don't know about you, but I'm not too surprised to see the Scorpions up there as much as they are, I mean really take a look for yourself. I guess now you know they aren't all winds of change and rocking you like a hurricane, eh?

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Why stop the countdown now - let's check out the 100 Most Daring Movies Ever Made, shall we? This is my best go yet, I've seen 28 of the films on this list . . . huh maybe I should get outside sometime eh?

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From the 100 most daring films to the ten best films you've never seen and I have to admit I've only seen one of the films on this list and it was great. You should totally check it out. In one of my English classes in high school (OAC Writer's Craft to be exact) we were supposed to read the play or novel or novella that the film was based on and no one in the class did . . . for some reason the teacher got very mad and then dropped that from the course. Maybe it was to punish us . . . surely making us write a test on a book we never read would have been even more punishment, but who am I to argue?

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And I'll sign off today with one that will appeal to the kids out there like me who watched too much cartoons and still do, The Cobra Island Rave, a fine little sketch where He-Man, Lion-O and the gang arrive at the Cobra Island Rave where He-Man sets his sights on hooking up with Cheetara.

And you thought Evel Kneivel was good

But he's got nothing on these dudes from the Spanish village of Castrillo, who every year dress up as a character representing the devil and jump of groups of babies in order to keep the devil away as part of the Catholic feast of Corpus Christi. Now that's a way to get people to go to Church, have some midgets wrestling or driving a in a tiny car, some strippers and maybe free wifi access and I might even show up. You can read slightly more about it here if you like.

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I don't know if has any baby jumping goodness but YouTomb is a research project by MIT Free Culture that tracks videos taken down from YouTube for alleged copyright violation. I've looked at the site a couple of times now and it seems like it's constantly being added to, so there must be an army of people on the YouTubes plucking these files off it . . . or there's a piece of software that does it. But if the show How It's Made (or alternately) has taught me anything it's that things aren't as automated as I think they are.

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Have you seen the Iron Man movie yet? If not, why not? I finally got to see it on Friday and man it's chock full of awesome, very close to the comic book story line, my one. albeit slight, fault is that I would have liked to have seen more of the jerky Tony Stark, but that's me. In the flavour of Iron Man, how about some art depicting some super heroes & villains in old age?

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From the I had no idea, or if I did I forgot I did, files there is a movie adaptation of Clive Barker's short story The Midnight Meat Train scheduled for an August 1, 2008 release. The short story was originally featured in the six volume collection of short stories entitled The Books of Blood and is a very good read. These stories were my introduction to Barker's writing early in high school and I've been a fan ever since. You've probably seen some of his stories turned into questionable movies already so I'm not hoping for a lot from this one, but I would recommend checking out some of his writings if you like horror and the fantastic.

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Well so long for now, and remember I'm not a gardener, I just like hos.

I need a back-e-out-ta-mee

I don't know to spell that one right but my back is killing me, I'm walking like a 90 year old man who shit himself and am thinking about trying to find some Asian women to walk on my back, yeah walk on my back that's the ticket, either that or hammer down some more painkillers. And you wanna know how I did it?

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You'll be completely unmazed when you read this, but I did it in a coughing fit yesterday, doubled over and twitched something the wrong way and ta-dah, instant gimp.

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No matter, here's to hoping it passes quickly . . . but now onto the real reason why you all have come here, the not quite news and bemusing linkitude.

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So we'll start with something local, no doubt if you're from Sioux Lookout you've already seen this, watched it live or I already emailed this link to you, but check here for a video of the last wall of Gertie's store being knocked down last week. For those of you not familiar with the your Sioux Lookout lore Gertie ran the local candy store and was probably blessed as being one of the few old spinsters, who were always old spinsters, who didn't like kids who were lucky enough to run candy stores.

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Unfortunately after Gertie died a nephew of hers tried to make a go of the store, but with Gertie things didn't seem to go so well, and after a fire shut the business a year ago? More? I dunno. No matter it was just a matter of time before the wrecking ball, or in this case excavator, levelled the place. Interesting bit of trivia, the store just looked like a house from the outside and in my lifetime never had a sign on it. You just knew it was Gertie's store, and that you couldn't touch the candy yourself, open the coolers to browse around and you had to buy at least $1 worth of the loose Nutty Club candy.

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I often wonder without Gertie's shop in business where the Nutty Club is selling their gear now.

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The local GM dealer has apparently purchased the property in order to extend their empire.

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Well that's enough local reminicsing don't you think? Especially if you're not from here. . . now let's piss and moan about the local weather . . . it's snowing, again, and I can see white on the ground . . . this is seven shades of bullshit and if things don't smarten up soon I'm going to have to learn to start like sangria and paella because I'll have to move to Spain or something to get away from this bullshit.

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Nah who am I kidding, I ain't going anywhere . . . least not right now.

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Okay that was still pretty local wasn't it? How about these pictures showing our planet surrounded by all the various bits of space junk that are spinning around at hundreds of miles an hour right above our heads? Pretty cool eh? I don't know if they're real or photoshops or what, but they're still cool. And it's better than me pissing and moaning about my back or the weather.

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If you thought that was a horrible sin, then this is for you, according to this article BMW has developed an engine that's exhaust is 'cleaner' than the ambient air going into the engine to be burnt. Now I guess depending on where that air is being taken from that could be a big deal.

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And in the world of entertainment it seems that according to this Billboard article all varieties of musicians and other celebs are going to be paying tribute to the one the only Mr. Lemmy Kilmister and telling the story of his life and career in an upcoming documentary titled Lemmy. I wonder when they're going to get around to talking to me since it was at Motorhead's April 2005 show at the Walker Theatre in Winnipeg that I got my tinnitus. Although I'm sure there's a million people with that story to tell.

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There's a teaser clip up of the documentary online here if you're interested and I know you are because everyone loves Motorhead and Lemmy, it's science.

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Well that's enough for now, I'm outta here.

Did you know?

No? Well then you better click here to find out . . . and it's gotta be true, it's on the interwebs . . . right?

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But maybe you did know, but sometimes you wonder how to. No need to worry any more, check out this website with loads of how to videos, including how to build a birdhouse, how to cook a salmon Caesar salad on your car's engine, how to pick locks or how to make the perfect margarita.

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I still think that best margarita I've had was at the Taco N Tequila restaurant in Niagara Falls, and I'm sure it helped that it was the size of fish bowl. Damned good burritos too. Good times.

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Now that we're learned, fed and watered, how's about some science? According the scientist in this article we should prepare for an upcoming ice age. Sure I can believe it, I don't know about you, but we've a shit spring here so far. My furnace is still cutting in at night, and at $1.10 a litre for heating fuel you know I'm lovin' it. If only the oil man would at least kiss me first.

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Fuck I miss global warming already.

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But that's enough science don't you think? Now I think it's time for jack-assery. Check out this great website, it's Tony Hawks (a British model) responding to emails he gets from all over the world from fans of pro skateboarder Tony Hawk. Man is this guy good, definitely worth wasting some time reading through them. Check out #14, I haven't read them all but so far it's a favourite.

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And I hope to Jebus that most skateboarding people are at least slightly more literate than the ones who emailed the wrong guy . . . although I think the fact that they couldn't tell these two apart makes for a special kind of person to begin with, so I guess I should be cutting them some slack.

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I know it's not Caturday, but hey how about some quality kitty links . . . like cats who look like Hitler? Don't step out of line or they'll send you to Meowschwitz. Okay maybe that was to much in bad taste, so how about some cats that look like Wilfred Brimley? Okay so only one of the five really looks like him, but it's still a funny idea. I mean better than men who look like Kenny Rogers, right?

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And I'll leave today with a great little video of Hitler getting a new motorcycle. Should be especially amusing for the BMW fans out there.

Great News Everyone

It seems that the latest direct to DVD Futurama movie, The Beast with a Billion Backs, which is scheduled for a late June release has already been leaked on line. I have no idea where to find it, or what to do with it, but you might seeing as how you're so interweb savvy and what not. If it's anything like the first Futurama DVD movie release, Bender's Big Score, this should be a great watch and more than true to the series, but it would be nice if it had fewer shots at the FOX Network.

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Now this isn't really entertainment related news, but it is entertaining. I know I've already shared this link with a number of people, but I have to make sure it gets flogged, check out the awesome gear all sporting the metal salute. I'm thinking about the BBQ apron myself. How about you?

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From the edge of metal to the edge of reason, scientists, or a scientist anyway, can only guess, but check out this article about a gecko finding its way into an unhatched chicken egg. Can you imagine the horror of the experience? To actually have something crawl up your ass and die? I mean to smell like that's happened is one thing, but for it to actually happen, that's a whole other matter.

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Personally the only reason I can think of for something like this is witchcraft. I say we throw the egg, gecko, bird it came from, guy who found it and the farmer who produced it into a lake and if they float we burn them for being witches and if they sink and drown we can sleep safe at night knowing that our Australian eggs aren't being witched right under noses . . . on the other side of the planet.

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But enough of the eggs, looks like you could use something sweet, so how about a nice how to on making your very own deep fried Mars bar just like every gourmet restaurant and chippy in Scotland? Yeah you know you want to, so here it is. Enjoy.

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And if that wasn't enough sugary goodness for you, how about testing your chocolate bar, well they said candy bar on the site but they're from the US and they talk funny, eh, identification skills over here.

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Remember Almond Joy's got nuts, Mounds don't.

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Now that we've had our afters, how about some insightful conversation and debate? Yeah I thought so . . . how about we just have a laugh at how we used to be then? Like check out this link for the things that an employer should look for when hiring a woman, in 1943.

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I guess it's safe to say that we, and you've, come a long way baby. Don't forget, you can do it.

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And finally how's about a look at how things were going to be in the year 2000 from the perspective of someone who watched too much sci-fi in 1961. Although the article's author was way off in some respects (where's my hover car damnit? screw that I'll settle for gasoline under $1.00 a litre . . . remember those days?) but some of the ideas/predictions in the article have some ring of truth to them. And I'm sure they did a better job of predicting than I would do for how things will be in 39 years, well except to say that things will cost a whole lot more, everyone will complain about taxes being too high and should be lower and that government doesn't do enough and should increase spending (how do you do both I wonder?), scientists will be predicting climate change, global warming and running out of oil. But by that time oil will be so expensive only Saudi Sheiks and six richest Kings of Europe will be able to afford it.

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Well I gotta go, time to pour my Bacon Vodka into a nice bottle, it should be ready now.

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Later.

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PS - Happy 56th Birthday Mr. T, I know you ain't got no time for the jibba-jabba, but hopefully you've got time for cake and pin the tail on the donkey.

Yo Joe!

I don't know about you but I'm looking forward to, and dreading, fighting for freedom where ever there's trouble at the August 7, 2009 release of the new GI Joe live action flick. Seeing some of the productions still from this link here have put the dread into me . . . the excitement is based on watching the cartoons that aired when I were but a wee lad . . . well okay I was never small but I was young once.

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I mean come on, where's Destro's metallic mask? The Baroness' cobra symbol? Why is everyone wearing black rubbery body armour? Why is there a Wayans (admittedly he was really good in Requiem for a Dream and The Ladykillers, but totally shit the bed in the D&D movie) in it? I mean no one really seems to look like their two or cartoon/comic characters, except for Storm Shadow. As is often the cry of geeks throughout the basements of the world, it's already been done, you have tons of source material, and you still manage to fuck it up? Read a comic, watch a cartoon for Christ's sake.

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I have to admit that Dennis Quaid does look good as General Hawk though.

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But that's enough classic geekery for a bit eh? How about some that might be more of a musical nature? Like a Lego recreation of Motorhead playing Ace of Spades, complete with audience? Now that's cool. There are many more Lego based videos on YouTube that you might want to check out if that one tickled your fancy, and we all know how you like to have your fancy tickled.

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But maybe you don't think you're a geek, but you aren't sure if you're a hipster or not? Well fear not, worry no longer and rest your mind at ease, check out this article that will quickly answer the age old question "Am I a Hipster?". Sadly I according to one point in that write up, I am, or at least stand a good chance at being a Hipster. Guess I better start popping my collar like a total douchebag then, eh?

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Well that's enough for now, but I will leave you with the 7 minute plus video of the circle of life in action, an eagle dragging a little goat off a cliff. I hope your attention span is longer than mine because I was fast forwarding and still couldn't get to the end.

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Enjoy!

Piss. Moan. Repeat.

So on the weekend I went to Winnipeg to see this year's incarnation of the Gigantour headlined by Megadeth (check out the shitty video above from the show) with In Flames, Children of Bodom, High on Fire & Job for a Cowboy (we missed the last two on the list, pretty much on purpose).

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But that's not what I'm here to piss and moan about today, it's the venue. The show was good, hell great – but the Convention Centre is a shit venue IMHO . . . there was only one way into the hall that the concert was in (yesterday Power 97 DJ Jim Jones said that he had heard that there was something else going on in the Convention Centre and that's why they had limit the access for the metal kids), and at least a couple thousand people, I don't know numbers but it was a sell out, and to my surprise and amazement we had to go through metal detectors. That's right metal detectors. First time I've ever had to go through metal detectors for a concert.

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Is that standard operating procedure at the Convention Centre? At metal shows? In Winnipeg? Anywhere? Tell me? I want to know. And not only did it seem unnecessary to me, it was such a poor set up.

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There were only two metal detectors, I have no idea how many people but I’d guess a couple thousand, a twenty line up to get in, 20 minute line ups for water, no ‘check’ system for items that couldn’t make it through the metal detectors (like the chain on my wallet). But I told the lady that I was just going to put it back to my hotel room and started walking away and my partner in crime/metal suggested I just put it in my pocket, and I did that was good enough, too many people for her to pay attention to anything and anyone I suppose. Which was surprising because I can't remember being at a show with as high a concentration of security people as this one had.
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All this seemed over the top to me, and I think I’m a reasonable metal fan in my early 30’s. I honestly haven’t been to a concert in the Convention Centre since I saw Megadeth there when they were touring for on the Symphony of Destruction tour, in what ’92 or ’93? But after this weekend I’d have to think long and hard about going back for another one (to top all this off the sound in the Convention Centre is horrible, and Dave Mustaine even apologized to the crowd for that on stage). But what does one fed up metal fan mean to the Convention Centre. Probably not much, not when there’s 1500 kids getting dropped off by the mini-van load with too much money and loads of angst to work through.

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And it seems I'm not the only person who felt this way; the Winnipeg Free Press reviewer gave the show a rating of 5 out of 5 and the venue a 0 out of 5 (says a lot don't it?) and the Winnipeg Sun Reviewer gave the show a 4 out of 5.

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But there were highlights to the show as well, and I don't just mean all the hot little metal girls running around the show (where were they when I was in high school? Maybe they were out there, I guess I was too busy reading sci-fi and playing D & D in basements), the three bands we saw were great.

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Children of Bodom were every bit as good as they were when I saw them with Slayer a couple years ago at the MTS Centre . . . and I think even they were surprised with the number of closet Journey fans in the crowd as they started to, I'd say jokingly, play Don't Stop Believin' and the whole crowd started to sing along. Now that's fucking metal.

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I was pleased to finally get to see Gothenburg Metal band In Flames play and I think they tore shit up and said they were planning to be touring Canada again in November. I think I could easily stand to see them headline their own show.

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Another touching moment was during the tear down/set up between the In Flames & Megadeth sets Iron Maiden's Run to the Hills was playing over the sound system and once again the whole crowd broke out into song. That was awesome, and I'd say a little more expected than the Journey karaoke from earlier in the evening. And it made me really excited for seeing Maiden in Winnipeg on June 9th. That is going to rule. And I've got a sweet new hat to wear to the show.

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And hell Megadeth were great, even if the only original member left is Dave Mustaine, but really he's what matters. They played a great set with a really good mix of new and old songs, and it seems that to my suprise they are still gaining fans, as evident by the kids trying to grow their first metal mustaches and trying to act hard in the hall and they have held onto to fans for a long time, as evident by the grey beard next to me for most of the Megadeth set who was rocking out.

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Yep at this show I think I can say I saw myself in 10 years and in 20 years . . . long live metal.

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Until next time.

Oh the Humanity!

In case you didn't know today is the 71st anniversary of the German zeppelin the Hindenberg exploding into a huge ball of flame at Lakehurst, New Jersey (is it just me or does it seem kinda strange that they refer to themselves as "The Airship Capitol of the World"?), leaving 36 dead and others seriously burned. Officially the cause of the explosion was listed as "St. Elmo's Fire," although it likely had something to do with the flammable silver paint that it was finished with and the fact it was filled with Hydrogen.

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Although the Mythbusters tested the flammable paint theory on an episode of their show and they busted that myth, but that's not to say they're the be all and end all of all things Hindenbergy.

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I'm not sure if you can say it's luck or not but there were news camera there that captured the whole the whole for all time, there are several different versions on YouTube, here's the first one that came up when I searched.

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No doubt this was a nail in the coffin of heavier than air flight . . . although I did work with a guy several years ago who thought that they'd be perfect for hauling freight and construction materials into remote locations. I'm not going to say he was wrong, but I am going to say that he wasn't right.

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But enough of that for now - here's some good news for those amongst us who are fans of duct tape, Swiss army knives and mullets - according to this article there's a big budget MacGyver movie in the works. Which only leaves two questions, will Richard Dean Anderson reprise the role that made him famous (aka one of the only two roles anyone remembers him playing) and will he grow back that sweet mullet?

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Speaking of sweet celebrity mullets, how's about this slideshow of the 15 awesomest celebrity mullets ever . . . okay so the #1 spot is a kinda obvious, but really can you think of a better one?

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Last night there was the usual Monday night meeting of some of the finest geek minds available and one of the items that came up was whether or not the new Speed Racer movie would suck or not . . . although we are on the fence and aren't sure if it will go one way or the other we're pretty sure that will go one way or the other and it won't be a gentle lean that's for sure.

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What I've seen looks good so far, I mean as far as the actual look and animation and effects, but we'll see if the movie's any good. Here's to hoping it's better than the revamped Speed Racer theme song. Check it out for yourself, I mean the movie footage in the video is cool, and the song starts awesome but after about 9 seconds they turn down the rock and crank the suck way up. Possibly up past 11 if that's even possible. I don't know why they didn't just use the version recorded by Sponge for the Saturday Morning Cartoons' Greatest Hits album released in the late 90's.

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For contrast here's the original cartoon opening sequence. You've heard it all for yourself, tell me I'm wrong. I dares ya!

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Apparently making this film wasn't without tragedy either; seems that lovable Chim Chim grabbed a hold of Christina Ricci's breast during filming and didn't want to let go. Can't say that I blame him though.

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And I will leave today with a public service announcement - whatever you do, DO NOT buy the Master Lock No 5 Padlock, and if you already have some replace them as soon as you can. Watch this video and you'll see why. But hey if you don't swap them out, at least you know what to do if you lose your keys to the shed, or better yet lose your keys to your neighbour's shed. I hear he's got a really nicer mower.

Hogan Knows Best?

A friend of mine emailed me these rather disturbing photos of the Hulkster himself applying sunscreen (well we assume sunscreen) to his daughter Brooke's backside and awfully close to her nether regions. I don't have kids of any shape or size, but something seems a little wrong about that . . . but maybe I just don't get it.

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Since we're sorta talking about wrasslin', have you seen the crying wrestling fan yet? Watch that video it's great, I mean who doesn't want to see a grown man break down during a Q&A session with some pro-wrestling celebs? And in case that short video clip wasn't enough, why not check out the article that the crying wrestling fan wrote about the experience/event or his website.

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And to give credit where credit is due the same guy who sent the Hogan pics also was the first to inform me of the wonders that is the CWF.

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And finally how about some great medical research news - turns out that masturbation may help prevent prostate cancer. Well according to this article it does anyway. So that's great news not only can you wank for peace (check out their propaganda posters, they're great), but for your health as well. That is of course if doesn't make you go blind, insane or give you hairy palms first.

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And since I care so much about your prostate health, here's a deposit for your spank bank, you'll probably have the best return on this investment if you're a geek fanboy, a nice slide show collection of the babes of the NYC Comic-Con.

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All I can say is Giggity.

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Man I swear some day I am going to go to the San Diego Comic-Con. And it will rule. I'd also like to rock out at the Wacken Open Air Festival . . . now that would be an experience of a lifetime. And honestly Rocklahoma would be a good time too . . . but in a riding a moped kinda way, if you know what I mean.

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While we're talking rock, it looks like Lars Ulrich and I finally have something in common, apparently we both want Metallica to release their latest record sooner than later. I wonder if we're both hoping that it's a lot better than their last record too?

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Oh yeah, on more thing - remember, hugs and kisses should make you wanna dance, but they shouldn't be anywhere near your pants.

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PS - it's still real to me, dammit!