Hey, down in front!

Every feel like you don't have time to watch all the movies you'd like to see? Well as long as you're only concerned about films released in 2009 and have 7 minutes to spare, you're in luck. Here they are in all their edited down and distilled greatness.

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Or maybe you're not into quality and prefer your film with a healthy dose of cheese . . . we'll I've got you covered yet again, thanks to the YouTubes here are the 100 Cheesiest Movie Lines of All Time (admittedly I recognised several of these films . . . and enjoyed some of them a lot too) . . . according to some guy who has the time on his hands to watch the movies, collect the scenes, edit them down and post them to YouTube.

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Maybe cheese in film isn't your bag either, and prefer fast paced sometimes awkward lengthy dialog littered with pop culture references and splashed with more than just a little bit of the ultra violence. In that case the Tarantino Film Reference Manual might be something you'd find interesting and/or amusing.

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But then again, perhaps you're just interested in what's new and exciting. Well I don't know about you but I think that the film MacGruber looks like it's full of win. You can check out the red band trailer here if you're so inclined.

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Although maybe you're into documentaries or monkeys . . . or documentaries made by monkeys. If so you're in luck . . . well sure okay they're chimps not monkeys, but they were given cameras and the footage they shot was put together and is being aired on the BBC. There's more info (and more importantly a clip of the chimp directed/shot footage) here and after watching this and Transformers and Transformers 2 I think that Michael Bay went to the same film school as they did.

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No word on whether or not the chimps used to shoot softcore porn though. But you know if I hear of any I'll pass it along.

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Until next time.

Someone really likes tug of war

Oh you know I totally submitted this link to Awkward Boners.

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Here's to you gets overly excited while wearing track pants to a charity event constable guy.

Duck . . . it's what's for dinner

I've cleaned fish with smaller fish in their stomachs before but if there was a cake this took it.

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After seeing these pictures (not my pics or fish) you may want to reconsider what you dangle into the water where. I mean sure that duck's not a big one, but it's no little fuzzy duckling and if that jackfish will swallow something that size be careful.
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And here you thought it was safe to go back into the water.

What do you do with old bumper cars?

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You just had to know it'd be a fat guy driving one didn't you?

On the first day of Giftmas . . .

Do you know the history behind the 12 Days of Christmas? Neither did I until my main man Alan Cross set me straight with this article. Who knew it was all about sneaky English Catholics trying to teach religious lessons . . . not me that's for sure.

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The MacKenzie Brothers version is pretty good too . . . and I'd be pretty surprised if there was a subversive religious message hid in there.

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I don't know about you but any restaurant that uses a cowboy monkey riding a dog in its commercial is going to get my business. And while we're talking commercials, I think it's fair to say that this just might be the best raisin bran commercial ever.

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And this, the greatest laptop commercial ever. It reminds me of all the time I blew playing videos games sat in front of my Commodore 128.

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I don't know about you, but I'm really looking forward to seeing Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland film. Check out the trailer here, featuring none other than Johnny Depp as The Mad Hatter, and I think he makes a very good, and very Tim Burton, looking one, don't you?

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Time to use my powers for good . . . here's a story by a Sioux Lookout writer that you might like to check out.

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And before I go I'd like to wish all you Druids and Wiccans a happy Winter Solstice. It's the shortest day and longest night today, so enjoy it . . . and get your sorry ass some vitamin D (not to be confused with pop star Vitamin C - remember this song? Yeah me either).

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Until next time.

Santa loves all kids.

Even GINGER ones!

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BTW that's a real Christmas card available from Tesco that is stirring up a bit of controversy, see? Man some people can't take a joke. Personally I think they should keep selling the card, offer a deep discounts to redheads and then next year change things up and sell cards that read:

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"Santa loves all kids. Even ones without senses of humour."

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But that's just me and it's a well known fact that I'm more than a bit of a dick.

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And while we're talking giftmas, this is a pretty good article written to curse the types of people who do things like purchase a goat for an African village from a company who in turn sends you a card saying So-and-so bought Such-and-such to make the life better for a family living in poverty in rural Africa. The real beauty part is I know people who give gifts like that and I also know people who feel similarly to the article's author about receiving gifts like that.

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Things are always better when you can relate.

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And don't you think it's time to trade in your tinfoil hat?

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Until next time, hyperspace dreams my friends.

I think my next vacation will be . . .

. . . here.
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Who wants to come with?

More great news if you're still a fan of off the wall Canuck sketch-com, The Kids in the Hall have reunited to do an 8 episode mini-series called Death Comes to Town that will be airing on the CBC. The gist of the series is Death gets off the Greyhound in a small town and everyone in town becomes a suspect when the Mayor ends up dead. You can check out the trailer for the show here if you're interested and I know you are.

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Looks pretty damned funny don't it?

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This isn't quite local, but close enough and it might just be the strangest Google Winnipeg Street View ever (if you have a stranger one let me know about it) . . . I just want to know, do the people getting into the truck know about the guy lying in the bed?

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Finally thanks to the fine folks over at Explore Music we now know who to blame for the fame and popularity of Nickelback, New Brunswick. Get behind a new band would you, you bastards. At first the popularity of Nickelback gave me some hope for the resurgence of guitar/bar rock (which trust me would be a good thing), but sadly know all it's given us is a Nickelback clones, which is super great if you happen to live in New Brunswick I suppose.

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While we're talking music, how's about a nice video of fans being interviewed in an arena parking lot before a Slayer/Marilyn Manson show in Cali that makes me proud to be a metalhead. Oh and trust me, that guy's mum is a whore. And the parking lot before a metal is a lot like that, even when it's really really cold out.

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You may have already seen this video already, but it's pretty awesome and I've got to share, it's the Muppets doing a video for Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. It's pretty awesome . . . but I'm a little biased after all I am fan of Queen & the Muppets.

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And I'll sign off with a more holiday appropriate video of the Muppets again but this time rocking The Carol of the Bells. It's not quite the Trans Siberian Orchestra's version (or Peter Griffin's for that matter), but pretty cool none the less eh?

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Until next time.

And to you I leave a boot to the head . . .

LA LA!

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If you're Canadian and you liked off kilter sketch comedy troupes no doubt you have fond memories of watching and/or listening to The Frantics (remember CBC's Four on the Floor with the Frantics? I know I do) . . . well you're in luck as The Frantics are back together and are celebrating their 30th anniversary (counting their 15 year break from each other). Here's the article that brought this to my attention.

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I can only hope that this will convince Rick Green that he needs to restart Commander Rick Prisoner of Gravity stat. Man I miss that show . . . it's the show that introduced me to Neil Gaiman, Alan Moore, Maus and so much more great comic/sci-fi/fantasy literature . . . and made me want to live in a space station with a super computer and sweet arm chair . . . well I'm part way there aren't I?

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Oh and if you're trying shop for that hard to buy for geek check these out. Pretty cool eh? I don't think I've seen a cooler USB thumb drive since the Lego Brick thumb drive mod.

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But enough of the geekery for the moment, how's a nice PSA about the do's and don'ts of designing a corporate logo. Yeah I thought you'd like that . . . and now I bet you're trying to re-work your company's logo to incorporate a wang or two in it.

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Well now I'm off to have my own freak portaging accident in Algonquin Provincial Park. Until next time.

Don't Call It a Come Back . . .

. . . I was here all along . . . so where have I been? What have been up to?

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Well why don't you mind your own business for once, nosey.

One thing that hasn't helped is that I've been without a home computer for a while after my vintage two stroke dino powered machine made the decision to by a new computer for m by completely crapping out a few weeks ago. But we're back in action now . . . and I've got a lot of work to do and catch up on, but I'm up early and Scooby Doo isn't on Teletoon or Teletoon Retro yet so permit me to entertain you.

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Unfortunately fans (okay maybe that's an exageration, fan) I've lost a lot of what I was saving to put up on here but we gotta start somewhere right?

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So how's about starting with a little bit of epic fail and the 50 Best Protest Signs of 2009? Sure you've seen some before, but they're still funny aren't they.

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Here's a little more fail for you this morning. Remember kids if you're goign to re-enact Tom Cruise's infamous old time rock n roll scene from Risky Business, wear socks don't grease the floor . . . but if you do grease the floor put the video on YouTube and share the link please and thank you.

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Well it's time for Scooby Doo, I'm outta here. Until next time . . . whenever that might be.

Oh Bother

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Where will the H1N1 paranoia end?

Even the Animal Kingdom Has Real Dolls

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Oh and in case you're not familiar with Real Dolls, what are you waiting for?

In Communist Russia, Blog Reads You

Greetings comrades, remember the Iron Curtain? Of course we all do, but what was it really like on the other side? I don't know and this won't answer it, but it will let you know which rock bands were forbidden in the USSR in 1985. Only in Russia you say? Well hold on there bucko, there are some parallels with the PMRC's Filthy 15 from the same era. Land of the free indeed.

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But maybe if the Russian government would have kept such strict controls on the media in their country we could have avoided this mess that is Russian Thug Life. It's good to see that thinking you're cooler and tougher than you are is something that transcends languages, nationalities & borders. I'm sure right now in a galaxy far far away some group of wanna be gangstas are flashing gang signs in a photo in front of the intergalactic equivalent of a Civic with shitty decals and spinner hubcaps for their latest photo shoot.

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But times change, check out these then and now pics of St. Petersburg. And this here is supposed to be the world's craziest intersection from St. Petersburg. I don't know if it's the craziest one out there, but man that's one choppy crazy video of car crashes captured by a traffic cam at that intersection . . . and it's got Confusion Corner beat all to hell. Tell why is this so hard to navigate?

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I don't know about you but I'm thinking the Russian government should lower Vodka prices because apparently this is what happens when Russians get bored.

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Although here's something that's doubly near and dear to my heart. Check out these awesome pics of how an enterprising Russian modded a Camaro Mad Max style. The car looks to be a 2nd Generation Camaro, but the hood scoop is off a 4th Generation SS.

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Got a scientist fetish combined with a thing for Eastern European beauties? Well you're in luck because here's Russia's Miss Atom, the beauty contest open to workers in Russia's nuclear industry.

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It might not be recent news, but who wouldn't do just what these Russian fisherman did when they thought that the 200 pound strange looking squeaking beast the pulled out of the Sea of Azov that they thought was an alien - eat the damned thing. And to think I know people who won't eat a ling because they look too disgusting.

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Well das vi danya comrades until the next time.

What Not To Put on Facebook

Bbrrrraaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnnsssssss

Well if the internets don't just keep getting better & better.

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If you want proof, check out Zombies or Not which is an undead version of Hot or Not, Rate My Ride or Rate My Rack. And while we're talking Zombies how's about a nice article featured both on Cracked and Zombies or Not, how 7 iconic movie characters would do in a zombie attack. I thought it was worth the read, but I'm often thinking and planning how to get through a zombie invasion and/or World War Z.

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If you're looking for help getting through WWZ yourself perhaps you can look to this novelty Zombie Survival Kit for some inspiration. Or maybe this one up for auction on eBay will help? My only piece of advice is remember, you never have to reload a blade. Thank you Zombie Survival Guide your practical advice and case histories may just save my bacon yet.

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And here's some good news for the Zombie Movie Fan, it's reported that Peter Jackson, maker such fine pieces of classic cinema as the Lord of the Rings trilogy and Dead Alive (the custard scene will be with me forever), is to direct a Nazi zombie time travel movie. Now if that's not a movie with epic win written all over it I don't know what does.

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He may not be a zombie (yet) but last week the wrestling world lost one of its greatest managers of all time, the one the only Captain Lou Albano. Paul Heyman has a decent good bye article to the Captain on his website here with some fond memories and a bit of insider information.

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PS - I swear it wasn't me that did this. But I do think it's funny.

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PPS - Someone, quick, help me write a love poem for Katy Perry.

Inked

I've been wanting another - no make that more - tattoos for a good long while now, it's just more than a bit of a pain in the ass for me to get one, factoring in the time and expense of going in and out of the city to get it done . . . but such is the price one pays for living in a bubble of a town in Northwestern Ontario I suppose.

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No matter, but today I'd thought I'd share of the online ink viewing I've been doing (hey I'm a poet and didn't know it). Let's start out with a nice big collection of what were you thinking tattoos. Oh it starts out with a real winner and has a good mix of the badly thought out, badly done and just flat out bad ideas. Hell that was so much fun, here's another one.

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As much as we all enjoy looking down the back of a girl's pants decorating this area with ink is not a good idea, and the tramp stamp has become as played out and stereotypical a tattoo as Taz (wow that one's got a poor idea, poor execution and bad photography all rolled into one) or the tribal slave band (sorry if you rocking either of those, I'm sure they were cool & original when you got them but now . . . gee sorry). In honour of this here's a gallery of some of the whackiest of the tramp stamps and here are some of the worst.

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I really really hope that your shitty tattoo isn't in either of those . . . if they were, well I do honestly feel sorry for you.

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Now how's about an entire website to the tattoo that I generally think is cool, but sooo-oh not for me, the Knuckle Tat. I actually know a guy who has a set of knuckle tats and when he laces his fingers together it spells out "LETS FUCK". Yep he's a class act all right.

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It must be the geek in me showing through but I really like a lot of these "science" based tats . . . and these ones . . . oh and these ones too.

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These tattoos of vintage/obsolete gadgets also appealed to me, guess I'm really letting my geek flag fly today. I know it's quite apparent that the author of that blog is definitely against these tats, but tell me this isn't awesome?

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And well tell me that these tattoos of girls with Hello Kitty tattoos aren't a nice mix of geekery and giggity? Or maybe that's just my unhealthy attraction towards comic book and characters showing through and combining with baser geekish tendencies. And I swear I'm not a Furry. Honest.

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Anyway since you brought it up, here's a collection of what are supposed to be the 101 hottest women sporting ink. I'll let you decide for yourself about that though.

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Prior to this I never thought that a tattoo could have a sexual orientation, but it turns out the definitely can, so here's a nice collection of lesbian tattoos for your viewing pleasure.

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And finally how's about this article about two prisoners being charged with forcing a third into getting a cock tattooed on the back of his neck. And you thought it was bad when you passed out at the party and your so-called friends Sharpied your sorry ass.

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Until next time.

Motherhood in the Animal Kingdom

On the Riverbank


In the Ocean

In India

In the Arctic

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Still in the Arctic
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Over to Africa
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Still in Africa
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And finally somewhere just outside of a Wal-Mart
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How to Load a Bobcat

From Tea to Sacrilege We've Got It All

I don't know about you, but I often turn to tea (this being a favourite and before you ask yes it must be Twinings) in my times of need and apparently it's for good reason. According to this article the calming effects of tea are scientifically proven and you can't argue with science. Well you can but then you become history's laughing stock, you flat earther creationist bastard.

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And I just learned this but apparently not believing in evolution or the earth being a globe means you also don't believe in good web design. Whodda thunk it?

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I don't know if intelligent design or evolution can explain this mess, but I think it's discoverer was correct in beating it to death. I probably would have used a stick or club of some sort if I had a choice (like these kids did here) rather than a shoe, but beggars can't be choosers. And the moral of the story is if it's strange and scary bludgeon it.

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And here's something that I feel it fits the flavour of things at the moment. I don't know about you but I'm honestly surprised at the number of hits you get when you do a Google Image Search for "Jesus Riding a Dinosaur".

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And since you've brought up the son of God, or possibly your gardener from The Happiest Place on Earth (Donkey Show anyone? No? Maybe you're more into the Tiger Show?), how about this collection of 40 awesome versions of Jesus.

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And it seems that not even a child as perfect as Christ is immune from angering their parents as the photos in this article clearly show.

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But this is a church that I can really get behind . . . well okay I can at least get behind their message, for some reason it appeals to me . . . I can't exactly put my finger on why though.

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And remember Jesus Saves . . . or Jesus Saves.

Be Ware!

He's Coming!
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