Happy February.

Ahhh February, shortest month of the year which means the best salary to days worked ratio going . . . well unless you count my office closing for two weeks in December and still getting paid for the full month . . . is Black History Month, the home of Groundhog Day (which is tomorrow, go out and enjoy it's not everyday you can get away with harassing a burrow dwelling animal for kicks, to kick and/or weather predicting purposes) and this year is the home of the 2010 Winter Olympics being held in Vancouver February 12 to 28.

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I'm sure this is going to be a very unpopular stance, but this t-shirt sums up my feelings towards the Olympics quite nicely. And not just the Winter Olympics or the Vancouver Olympics or the 2010 Olympics, the Olympics in general. Except for the Laff-A-Lympics and Olympic Fine Meat products . . . they're all right.

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Oh and I'm good with Special Olympics jokes too. Yeah, I'm a bad person, but so are you, after all you're hear reading this stuff when you could be doing some good on the Internet or better yet in real life. Yeah like that's going to happen.

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As long as there is no CBC coverage and/or it doesn't screw up my Coronation Street viewing I'll be all right with it . . . except for every swinging dick around talking about how 'we' did in this event or that event or whatever. Makes me wonder how they can be back at work after lunch after spending the morning rocketing down the luge track and collecting an aluminum (or aluminium?) medal for coming in Nth place.

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That's enough preaching for now . . . how about something frightening that might make you rethink Winnipeg being one great city.

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And oh yeah, just so you know David Bowie is very disappointed in you. Shape up, eh?

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Until next time.

Explain to me this . . .

So I was in Shelbyville yesterday and asides from committing a random act of Wal-Mart and making a Can-Tire run, as well as of course attending to my work duties, come on now folks, you know I'm dedicated and what not, I got to put gas in my truck for 79.4 cents per litre.

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Gas in town is bumping between 94.5 and 94.9 cents per litre at the moment, depending on the station, but gas is normally 10 cents per litre cheaper in Dryden, so 15 cents is a little larger gap than normal, but the real kicker was day before last I got a delivery of home heating oil. That's the dyed stuff that says it doesn't have all the highway taxes that regular diesel would so it should be super cheap, because aren't we always being told that over 1/3 the cost of a litre of gasoline is tax?

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No matter, anyway the heating oil I got just two short days ago was 90 cents per litre. Go figure . . . I mean what's the world coming to when I could heat my house cheaper with gasoline than with heating oil . . . although if I tried I'm sure I wouldn't have to worry about heating my house any more because it would just be a smoking pile of rubble.

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But hey I'll take that 90 cents per litre oil after all it was $1.11 at my last fill up.

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Yeah yeah I know, piss and moan piss and moan.

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Maybe I need to liven things up here a bit, eh? So how about I tell you about the film Black Dynamite, check out the trailer. Now you can't tell me that this doesn't look awesome. Although I think that tracking down this one will prove as difficult as getting a copy of Zombie Strippers, but I'm sure it will be just as rewarding.

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I'm out of time for this morning, but for those of you thinking about going up to the Northwest Territories and getting your freak on, you may want to think twice after you read about how the government there has sounded the alarms over a resurgence of syphilis. Territorial health officials say that it's spread from neighbouring Alberta, which is a likely story but I have to admit it sounds better than saying you got it from a toilet seat or from trying on some jeans at the mall.

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But hell, as far as STD's go this one can't be all bad, if it's good enough for royalty it's got to be good enough for you, right?

I Don't Believe It

So Wednesday I read the local paper, because as we've discussed that's what you do and well holy sheep shit if there isn't an article, on the front page no less, that actually sounded critical, in a kinda passive agressive way but critical none the less . . . or at least that's how things appeared to me.

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If you're interested in seeing that I'm right or proving that I'm wrong check out the "Town Council Votes Against Development Charges". Reading the article I really got the impression that the reporter was pro-development charges and doesn't think that the correct decision was made. So now we're stuck in the spot having to use tax increases to pay for all the development that's going to be happening here in town in the next while that's being forecast.

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How can we tell that we're in for a flurry development? Why all the empty shops and businesses for sale around town that's how . . . oh and the pretty much indefinite mill layoff. Those are all great signs of a town on the move. I just can't wait for travelling singing monorail salesman to come to town, because we all that the monorails they bought in Brockway, Ogdenville and North Haverbrook put them on the map.

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After reading about the development fee bylaw being voted down I thought now that's a good thing. Then I had a little flash of brilliance . . . it's generally accepted by many and often thought by me that this council has made some bad decisions, some would say habitually, but not me because that word is hard to say . . . so taking that into account one would have to conclude that in fact development fees were exactly what this town needed (who cares that we're the only one in NW Ont that would have them, but then again where not shrinking at the same rate as every other town in NW Ont either) or the council is starting to see things right. Let's hope it's latter and not the former, eh?

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Oh well enough of that for now - let's get onto the real business at hand . . .

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According to the article if you've been punching out kangaroos and putting up videos on YouTube, the Australian police would like to have a word with you . . . and I'd like to shake your hand, because after all that was the biggest toughest mouse I ever sawed. This appears to be the video in question, if you're into seeing Kanga getting knocked the fucked out.

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I think this is poetic justice. You know those hidden camera prank shows on TV? Well okay maybe I can only think of one right now, Just For Laughs: Gags (what is it about Francos and those shitty scare gags anyway?), but no matter, seems that some guy on an eastern European version of one of these show walks up to his car only to find some guy vandalizing it with paint and it ends exactly how I think these things should end. You can check it out here to see for yourself.

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Remember kids, don't fuck with a man's car and don't make fun of it either.

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All right I think it's go time, but I will leave with this - I think I want to marry this girl . . . or at least call her up and try to sell her something.

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That's her for now - later gators.

Another Monday

Hey we're back and we're writing, after a couple of lazy posts on the weekend, but it's more than what you usually get out of me on a weekend and hopefully it was amusing . . . if not humourous hopefully you're at least into pictures of drunk girls on toilets, and sometimes improvised ones.

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Well I said I was going to get the new Toadies album, and I did. See a man of my word I am, generally anyway. As for No Deliverance, if you like the Toadies, you'll like this record, if you don't like the Toadies, well then you have questionable taste in music.

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Speaking of questionable taste in music, Metallica has released the first single off their upcoming record. You can listen to The Day That Never Comes streaming online here if you're interested. Me I think I like it (then what am I so afraid of?), but that being said I think it could stand to be more rocking. But I do want to hear the rest of the album, and hey, it can't be worse than St. Anger.

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Well I guess the Olympics are finally over and I get back to regularly scheduled television viewing, and since it was just the summer Olympics I pretty much mean Coronation Street on the CBC Sunday mornings. Now that's good times. The real bitch is going to be when the Winter Olympics comes on and fucks up my first run winter TV viewing - strike last year, Olympics this year.

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I am honestly a little disappointed in all you bleeding heart soap dodgers out there, I was expecting more hub-bub and protestation over the Olympics in China, I mean aren't there countless human rights and environmental violations that everyone is so upset about over there? Something about the Dalai Lama? Tibet? Lead paint in toys (after all lead paint is the tastiest)? Ugly girls not being allowed to sing on TV (just like in North America, what's the big deal there)? Being hungry 30 minutes after you eat their food?

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Maybe it's like in ancient Greece and all fights are put on hold until the Olympics are over.

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Maybe nobody really gives two shits as long as they can still get some cheaply made flat pack entertainment units and t-shirts over at the Wal-Mart or some knock off DVD's of films still in the theatres so they don't have to put up with the rest of the unwashed masses in order to watch Kung Fu Panda while they cheer on their countries elite, sometimes, amatuer athletes as they match up against the best the rest of the world has to offer.

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But enough of the pissing and moaning for now, how about a good bit of health information from Ernest Borgnine, aka the voice of Mermaid Man? Little did I know that secret to eternal youth was in the palm of my hand? This is good news, good news indeed.

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Well I think that's about her for now, but since it's been a while since I gave you some giggity, here's a bit to tide you over. Looks like none other than the lovely Miss Dita Von Teese has teamed up with Wonderbra to release a limited edition line. You can check out some pictures of Dita modelling the gear here. All I can say is I'll take two.

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Thanks

Geeks of the World Unite

Well okay maybe not the world, but how about northwestern Ontario, Manitoba and the Skatch? The Manitoba Comicon is only a few months away now, I didn't get to go last year (I went to South East Asia instead) but some friends did, and this year looks even bigger and better . . . and chock full of celebs, with the likes of Lou Ferrigno (fresh off a sweet cameo in the latest Incredible Hulk film), Supergirl (I wonder if she still looks like this?) and Boomer from the original Battlestar Galactica.

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I think I'll part with the $20 for the autograph and photo with Lou Ferrigno, for some reason that totally seems worth it.

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I'm planning to hit this up, better start saving now so I can afford the gas to get there and back eh? Should be sweet, and who knows maybe there'll be some good costumes to check out. And someday I will hit the mother of all cons - the San Diego Comic-con, now that'd be sweet. Imagine a building full of people where I'd be one of the coolest ones there?

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I'm running behind so this is going to have to be cut short today, but you've gotta check out the Retarded Policeman videos on Youtube. There are several videos up there, and I have to see each one I watched was literally laugh out loud funny, but this one was a favourite. So far they've all been gold, but maybe I'm only laughing because I'm a bad person . . . well how about a little from column A, a little from column B.

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You may recall me pissing and moaning a while ago about the water rates in my town skyrocketing, well I've gotten my first bill under the new regime and it's gone up about $12.00 for the month, sure that's not a ton, another 40 cents a day . . . but it's an almost 19% increase. And there's only two people in this house . . . I'd hate to be family man right now . . . well at anytime really, but that's whole different matter.

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And here I thought the town CAO said that we'd save money under this new scheme? Looks like he was confused and I was right . . . again. And in case you're wondering, no it doesn't get old.

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Well that it's for now - enjoy some more Retarded Policeman and see you next time.

Piss. Moan. Repeat.

So on the weekend I went to Winnipeg to see this year's incarnation of the Gigantour headlined by Megadeth (check out the shitty video above from the show) with In Flames, Children of Bodom, High on Fire & Job for a Cowboy (we missed the last two on the list, pretty much on purpose).

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But that's not what I'm here to piss and moan about today, it's the venue. The show was good, hell great – but the Convention Centre is a shit venue IMHO . . . there was only one way into the hall that the concert was in (yesterday Power 97 DJ Jim Jones said that he had heard that there was something else going on in the Convention Centre and that's why they had limit the access for the metal kids), and at least a couple thousand people, I don't know numbers but it was a sell out, and to my surprise and amazement we had to go through metal detectors. That's right metal detectors. First time I've ever had to go through metal detectors for a concert.

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Is that standard operating procedure at the Convention Centre? At metal shows? In Winnipeg? Anywhere? Tell me? I want to know. And not only did it seem unnecessary to me, it was such a poor set up.

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There were only two metal detectors, I have no idea how many people but I’d guess a couple thousand, a twenty line up to get in, 20 minute line ups for water, no ‘check’ system for items that couldn’t make it through the metal detectors (like the chain on my wallet). But I told the lady that I was just going to put it back to my hotel room and started walking away and my partner in crime/metal suggested I just put it in my pocket, and I did that was good enough, too many people for her to pay attention to anything and anyone I suppose. Which was surprising because I can't remember being at a show with as high a concentration of security people as this one had.
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All this seemed over the top to me, and I think I’m a reasonable metal fan in my early 30’s. I honestly haven’t been to a concert in the Convention Centre since I saw Megadeth there when they were touring for on the Symphony of Destruction tour, in what ’92 or ’93? But after this weekend I’d have to think long and hard about going back for another one (to top all this off the sound in the Convention Centre is horrible, and Dave Mustaine even apologized to the crowd for that on stage). But what does one fed up metal fan mean to the Convention Centre. Probably not much, not when there’s 1500 kids getting dropped off by the mini-van load with too much money and loads of angst to work through.

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And it seems I'm not the only person who felt this way; the Winnipeg Free Press reviewer gave the show a rating of 5 out of 5 and the venue a 0 out of 5 (says a lot don't it?) and the Winnipeg Sun Reviewer gave the show a 4 out of 5.

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But there were highlights to the show as well, and I don't just mean all the hot little metal girls running around the show (where were they when I was in high school? Maybe they were out there, I guess I was too busy reading sci-fi and playing D & D in basements), the three bands we saw were great.

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Children of Bodom were every bit as good as they were when I saw them with Slayer a couple years ago at the MTS Centre . . . and I think even they were surprised with the number of closet Journey fans in the crowd as they started to, I'd say jokingly, play Don't Stop Believin' and the whole crowd started to sing along. Now that's fucking metal.

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I was pleased to finally get to see Gothenburg Metal band In Flames play and I think they tore shit up and said they were planning to be touring Canada again in November. I think I could easily stand to see them headline their own show.

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Another touching moment was during the tear down/set up between the In Flames & Megadeth sets Iron Maiden's Run to the Hills was playing over the sound system and once again the whole crowd broke out into song. That was awesome, and I'd say a little more expected than the Journey karaoke from earlier in the evening. And it made me really excited for seeing Maiden in Winnipeg on June 9th. That is going to rule. And I've got a sweet new hat to wear to the show.

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And hell Megadeth were great, even if the only original member left is Dave Mustaine, but really he's what matters. They played a great set with a really good mix of new and old songs, and it seems that to my suprise they are still gaining fans, as evident by the kids trying to grow their first metal mustaches and trying to act hard in the hall and they have held onto to fans for a long time, as evident by the grey beard next to me for most of the Megadeth set who was rocking out.

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Yep at this show I think I can say I saw myself in 10 years and in 20 years . . . long live metal.

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Until next time.