Happy Birthday Jerry Lee

It seems that on this very day way back in 1976 Jerry Lee Lewis opened up a couple great balls of fire on his then bass player Norman Owens while trying open a pop can with a .357 magnum. Mr. Owens survived and went on to sue Jerry Lee over the incident . . . but this just makes me think, I had some really lame party games at my birthdays.

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Oh well I guess if you're the kinda guy who'd marry a 13 year old cousin behind your family's back you're really going to know how to tear it up. Unlike anyone who signs on for the course being offered in Jedi studies by a UK university. You can read a bit about it here, but just remember no matter what you do don't drunkenly leap over a fence proclaiming yourself Darth Vader and start to beat on the Jedis in training with a broomstick. Just ask this guy.

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Although another word to the wise, if you're a grown man and going to start a Jedi Church and have lightsabre battles in your backyard, be prepared for attacks from the Empire (and no I don't mean Starbucks or Wal Mart this time) and just suck it up when you do. A lump on the head and bruised leg seem like small potatoes in the grand scheme of things, and come on you were asking it for it.

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Since I mentioned evil empires up there we may have to add IKEA to the that list as well, seems that Israel has some how disappeared from maps sold by IKEA in Abu Dhabi, or at least that's what I read here and why would they lie. Oh those crazy Arabs.

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Well I think it's time for something decidedly less serious - how about a comprehensive list of 15 reasons why Canada is better than your country . . . unless of course your country is Canada, in which case we've just created a vicious circular reference that may lead to the end of the world as we know it.

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And while we're talking about the greatest of Canada, how's a $12, 000.00 speeding ticket from Alberta. When I first read this article about an Albertan speeding on a motorcycle my first thought was "Wow his insurance is going through the roof".

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Honestly, how lame a reaction is that?

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Then I thought, must be a crotch rocket . . . then I thought that's a little higher (3 km/h) than the top speed of my car - not that I've reached those speeds . . . but I can say there was a time when I said to myself "Self you're never going to drive that fast again" - and in case you're curious it may have been faster than the guy in the Chevy Cobalt mentioned at the end of that article.

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You've likely heard about already, but legendary actor Paul Newman recently died, here's an early article about the man and his death. It's too bad Mr. Newman is gone, but his films and popcorn and salad sauce live on.

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And in honour of Episode 1 of Season 3 of Heroes tonight, here's some pics of Hayden Panettiere popping out of her bikini a little on her birthday. Talk about happy birthday to you. Enjoy.

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That's her for now . . . takin' it off here boss.

Remains of a Moose Battle in Northwestern Ontario

I didn't take these pictures nor do I know who did, all I know is someone emailed them to me cliaming them to be the remains of moose battle in Northwestern Ontario. With the two bull moose having their racks stuck together like that it must've been one helluva fight and shitty way to have your ticket punched, don't you think?

Now You Can't Complain About Your Job

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Unless of course it's your job to climb up an elephant's ass to your knees. Then you can complain.

I Don't Believe It

So Wednesday I read the local paper, because as we've discussed that's what you do and well holy sheep shit if there isn't an article, on the front page no less, that actually sounded critical, in a kinda passive agressive way but critical none the less . . . or at least that's how things appeared to me.

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If you're interested in seeing that I'm right or proving that I'm wrong check out the "Town Council Votes Against Development Charges". Reading the article I really got the impression that the reporter was pro-development charges and doesn't think that the correct decision was made. So now we're stuck in the spot having to use tax increases to pay for all the development that's going to be happening here in town in the next while that's being forecast.

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How can we tell that we're in for a flurry development? Why all the empty shops and businesses for sale around town that's how . . . oh and the pretty much indefinite mill layoff. Those are all great signs of a town on the move. I just can't wait for travelling singing monorail salesman to come to town, because we all that the monorails they bought in Brockway, Ogdenville and North Haverbrook put them on the map.

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After reading about the development fee bylaw being voted down I thought now that's a good thing. Then I had a little flash of brilliance . . . it's generally accepted by many and often thought by me that this council has made some bad decisions, some would say habitually, but not me because that word is hard to say . . . so taking that into account one would have to conclude that in fact development fees were exactly what this town needed (who cares that we're the only one in NW Ont that would have them, but then again where not shrinking at the same rate as every other town in NW Ont either) or the council is starting to see things right. Let's hope it's latter and not the former, eh?

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Oh well enough of that for now - let's get onto the real business at hand . . .

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According to the article if you've been punching out kangaroos and putting up videos on YouTube, the Australian police would like to have a word with you . . . and I'd like to shake your hand, because after all that was the biggest toughest mouse I ever sawed. This appears to be the video in question, if you're into seeing Kanga getting knocked the fucked out.

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I think this is poetic justice. You know those hidden camera prank shows on TV? Well okay maybe I can only think of one right now, Just For Laughs: Gags (what is it about Francos and those shitty scare gags anyway?), but no matter, seems that some guy on an eastern European version of one of these show walks up to his car only to find some guy vandalizing it with paint and it ends exactly how I think these things should end. You can check it out here to see for yourself.

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Remember kids, don't fuck with a man's car and don't make fun of it either.

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All right I think it's go time, but I will leave with this - I think I want to marry this girl . . . or at least call her up and try to sell her something.

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That's her for now - later gators.

Time Travel = Bullshit

Hey anyone watch the two hour season premiere of Heroes last night on NBC?

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I know I sure did, and I walked away from it with this one overwhelming feeling - Time Travel is Bullshit. I don't care how you pile it, it's still bullshit. Even when Michael J Fox did it it was bullshit and you know it.

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You disagree? Well you're wrong. Take last night for example - really it's no big deal that the speedy chick (anyone else think that they should have got Lola from Run Lola Run to play her?) stole Hiro's paper.

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Why you ask?

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Because he can go back in time, over and over again to just before or hours or days before to try to stop her or to stop her or to stop himself from doing something so it doesn't happen. Shit he could go back in time years and run her down with a POS Mazda while she's walking on a sidewalk to get to a baseball game to keep her from ever even coming close to getting the chance to snatch his secret formula of eleven secret herbs and spices.

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Or take Future Peter Petrelli fucking everything up by coming back and messing with the time line. Well no problem, just time travel his ass to the appropriate moment and convince himself not to do it - or at least not to do parts of it. Whatever best suits his needs, desires, agenda. Sure he thinks shooting his brother is good, but getting Claire Sylerized is bad, so play it like that, go back, stop one don't stop the other. Seems so straight forward to me.

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So simple, I think you'll have to agree that time travel is a shitty plot device because you have to leave so many holes and bits of broken logic into the story line to make it work and quite often I can't suspend that much disbelief. I mean think about - with time travel there's never suspense or fear of failure because if something doesn't work out, just go back and try again. It's like a real life reset button. After all it was the over reliance on time travel, as well as the complete disregard for the established history of that particular universe, that got me to stop watching Star Trek Enterprise.

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But what do I know about such things. That's enough for now eh? Here's to hoping that I won't walk away from every episode of Heroes this season being pissed off about time travel . . . and hopefully I'll remember what happened this season - I mean I really can't remember much of what happened last season and it was what two months long? Not a good sign. Not a good sign at all.

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Until next time.

Well Shiver Me Timbers

Today be talk like a pirate day ye scurvy dogs - and if'n ye don't wants to be keel hauled or made to walk the plank ye'll follow suit, savvy?

Need one for the office

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Just another manic monday

I'm thinking that it's time for me to get some new specs and I asked for suggestions. One particularly helpful fellow suggested I get myself a nice big pair of Jackie O glasses (BTW if you're male and you wear these glasses you'd best be into dudes because that's the message you're giving the world. Just trying to help you out here), because all the kids are wearing them these days. Now I'm positive this was done tongue in cheek, but no matter I couldn't pass up the opportunity to agree and point out that I could start popping my collar and wearing a golf visor so that everyone would know what a great d-bag I am.

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The talk of glasses means I have to post this article, all about one of the saddest days for law enforcement . . . seems that some coppers in the UK have been told to stop wearing the classic state trooper mirrored shades. What next, no more mustasches?

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While doing some research I came across this gem (it's truly truly truly outrageous) which points out the nine worst recent fashion trends for d-bags.

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Since I mentioned kids and their strange, and admittedly incorrect, view of what's cool up there, here's the Beloit College Mindset List for kids going into their first year of uni right . . . now! If you're not familiar the Beloit List basically gives reference points or factoids of the world that the college freshman have grown up in, stuff like they've never known a world without GPS or with Sammy Davis Jr.

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Number 30 on the list is a big favourite of mine, as it may be true that at the restaurant McDonald's uses only vegetable oil too finish off their fries, but when they're pre-cooking them at the french fry factory it's animal fat all the way. I'm sure there's some finger nails and band-aid or two thrown in for good measure as well.

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We often play a similar game but more like with kids in elementary school if there's a teacher a round or using a friend's kid as an example. Think about it, you might remember getting your first microwave oven, but that kid in grade six, thanks to that wonderous invention, may never have known the wonders that is fried spaghetti or reheating an entire pot of soup for a couple bowls.

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Well that's her for now and remember, friends don't let friends pop collars.

It's Friday Night!

Anyone else remember the Friday Night Girls from Codco? Probably not, eh? I mean I'm sure you had better shit to do around 1990 than watch east coast comedy on the CBC.

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Well in honour of Friday night, let's hit up a couple "Now this is partying" segments. Here's your first:

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Check this out . . . you know it's bad when cops knock on your motel room door after smelling marijuana. But you know it's going to be worse when you're a principal . .. and you're caught drinking, smoking, and watching porn with a 16-year old girl . . . and her younger sister. Say it with me folks, now that's partying.

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And here's one more to check out - an Indiana man gave beer to his 1-year-old nephew saying, "he's a champ, he can handle it," then punched his girlfriend in the face when she objected and sped away in her SUV, threatening to kill her and her daughter when he returned.

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Now that's partying.

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Now it's time for something much, much more serious. If you've ever wondered "How would the U.S. military fight off an attack by a zombie army?" wonder no longer because I've got the answers right here for you. It's a well written article and plugs this book as source material.

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If you're curious about how you'd fair in a Zombie attack, check out The Zombie Preparedness Quiz - apparently I'm only 33% percent likely to survive Z-Day. Even so I'm going to take a few of those undead bastards down with me, that's a promise. And if not that I'll just throw a few of the slower and weaker living people to the Zombies to slow them down some.

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Hey you're thinking you'd do it too, I just admitted it.

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It ain't Zombies but check out this live action acted out introduction the Real Ghostbusters cartoon show. Pretty cool eh? All I want to know is, is Janine single and is she into big hairy bald geeks? She at least has to be into geeks if she's willing to take part in something as awesome as this, that's for sure.

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While we're on the topic of the paranormal, how about we take a look at the Gremlins invading some other classic films including The Exorcist, The Goonies and Raiders of the Lost Ark. Here's the video, enjoy.

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Okay now how about something honestly serious? I know it'll be hard to take but I think it'll be worth it here. Check out this collection of photos that changed Canada. There are some really good ones there and I was glad to see the inclusion of the photo from the Battle of Somme, even if that picture was staged. It's pretty well accepted that it was the Canadian soldiers sacrifice and successes in the first world war that lead to Canada being seen as her own independent country and a major player on the world stage instead of just one of Mother England's plaid wearing, fur trapping, tree cutting goofy colony offspring off on the other side of the world.

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Honestly we'll still seen like that by some, thanks Bob & Doug, but at least now there are blue helmets in the picture, even if they are firmly in place over top of our toques.

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I guess that's worthy of a truly Canadian apology, don't you think?

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I think I'll sign off the same way the CBC does, or did, today. Until next time.

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PS - that's not the sign off I wanted, but it was the closest I could easily find. If you have or find an older one send it on over eh.

So. Fraking. Metal.

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Chuck says . . .

. . . I'm done with Sergio, treats me like a rag doll.

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Ah remember that one? No? Come on, it was a big hit for Perry Farrell when he was fronting Jane's Addiction. It's a really good song, and not a whole lot like (but no so radically different either I suppose) what Jane's Addiction had going on the rest of the time. You can check out a really good live version of the song, complete with steel drums, here if you're so inclined.

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If you don't remember Jane Says, I bet you still sing this song to yourself every time your popping a few grapes from the produce rack or a couple wine gums from the bulk candy bins when you're walking the aisles of the local Safeway (I hear it's today's better way too).

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There's a bit of musical good news to share around as well - first off none other than the Watchmen are going to be playing a reunion show at the MTS Centre in Winnipeg (it's one great city you know?) on October 30 as part of Power 97's Powerball. Tickets go on sale this Saturday at 10:00 AM. I don't know about you but I'm really thinking about hitting this one up.

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Also rocking the shit out of Winnipeg will be none other than Mr. Danko Jones on October 9th at Silverados. I swear there's a conspiracy to keep me from seeing Danko play, I do believe I'm out of town for work that day and the really shitty part is I'll likely going to be in Winnipeg the day after this show. Show info here if you're interested, and if you like to rock you should be.

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I'm sure that this tour won't be coming anywhere near to me, which is too bad, but according to this article the Pogues are going to be reuniting for a Christmas time tour (because nothing says Christmas like the Pogues. If you don't believe me listen to this), providing Shane McGowan lives that long that is.

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If you're more into Hardcore then you'll be happy to hear that none other than the Bad Brains are reuniting on Election Day 2008 for their first show with original line-up in 10 years, and new album. You can read more about it here if. If you're not familiar with the Bad Brains, you should check them out they've got a great groove to their particular style of punk and I like most of their stuff as long as they aren't preaching Rasta too hard . . . which believe me they can and will do.

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I just wonder if they're still banned in DC?

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If you'd like to learn more about Hardcore, check out the book and/or film American Hardcore. Both are well worth the time you'll put into them.

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That's it, I'm outta here for now . . . but baby I got to know, do you kiss on the first date?

We now return to our broadcast already in progress

Yep took a little break there - didn't intend to, it just happened. If you really want to know why, it's because I was wicked sick. In fact I've got a nice case of the sweats going on right now as I type this and no I don't think it's entirely related to being a fat guy.

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No matter I'm back. This won't likely be the most inspired post on here yet but it's something and I'm sure there will be more frequent posts in the future. Or not. After all you get you what you pay for.

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No matter I've got some great news for Bruce Campbell fans, which is everyone who isn't mentally deficient and/or Amish, and the Amish would be if they would just allow demon electricity and the deviltry of television into their hearts, but it seems that this article (with movie trailer goodness) proclaims that Bruce's long-delayed film "My Name Is Bruce" finally set for Halloween release.

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All I can say is hail to the King, baby.

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It's not geek cult classic film at any stretch, but it's still pretty awesome. Check out this article with some pretty cool, pun entirely intended, pics of a Russian free diver hitching a ride on a Beluga Whale. (Did you make it through all five minutes of that one? I know I couldn't/wouldn't/didn't.)

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Well I've run out of gas already, so I'll leave you with this link which makes wish that I had a spare eight grand, US, laying around.

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Laters.