Don't Read These Books

According to the conservative Human Events, these are the ten most harmful books of the 19th and 20th centuries. I guess I'm not so subversive because I've only read passages from one of these books for a class in my short but brilliant university career and I didn't think it was that good. The book not uni . . . well maybe both because I did drop out of uni after all.

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Now according to the Guardian (and who are they when they're at home?) these are the 100 greatest novels of all time. It may come as a surprise to you, but I've only read seven of the books on this list - and I haven't read The Catcher in the Rye, To Kill A Mockingbird or Catch 22 all of which seem to be books that just about everyone else can't get out of high school without reading - and I swear I graduated high school . . . just don't ask me where my diploma is at.

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Since we're in the countdown/list mode, how's about The 100 Worst Album Covers Ever? I actually five of the records on that list . . . can you guess which ones? And I don't know about you, but I'm not too surprised to see the Scorpions up there as much as they are, I mean really take a look for yourself. I guess now you know they aren't all winds of change and rocking you like a hurricane, eh?

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Why stop the countdown now - let's check out the 100 Most Daring Movies Ever Made, shall we? This is my best go yet, I've seen 28 of the films on this list . . . huh maybe I should get outside sometime eh?

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From the 100 most daring films to the ten best films you've never seen and I have to admit I've only seen one of the films on this list and it was great. You should totally check it out. In one of my English classes in high school (OAC Writer's Craft to be exact) we were supposed to read the play or novel or novella that the film was based on and no one in the class did . . . for some reason the teacher got very mad and then dropped that from the course. Maybe it was to punish us . . . surely making us write a test on a book we never read would have been even more punishment, but who am I to argue?

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And I'll sign off today with one that will appeal to the kids out there like me who watched too much cartoons and still do, The Cobra Island Rave, a fine little sketch where He-Man, Lion-O and the gang arrive at the Cobra Island Rave where He-Man sets his sights on hooking up with Cheetara.

And you thought Evel Kneivel was good

But he's got nothing on these dudes from the Spanish village of Castrillo, who every year dress up as a character representing the devil and jump of groups of babies in order to keep the devil away as part of the Catholic feast of Corpus Christi. Now that's a way to get people to go to Church, have some midgets wrestling or driving a in a tiny car, some strippers and maybe free wifi access and I might even show up. You can read slightly more about it here if you like.

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I don't know if has any baby jumping goodness but YouTomb is a research project by MIT Free Culture that tracks videos taken down from YouTube for alleged copyright violation. I've looked at the site a couple of times now and it seems like it's constantly being added to, so there must be an army of people on the YouTubes plucking these files off it . . . or there's a piece of software that does it. But if the show How It's Made (or alternately) has taught me anything it's that things aren't as automated as I think they are.

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Have you seen the Iron Man movie yet? If not, why not? I finally got to see it on Friday and man it's chock full of awesome, very close to the comic book story line, my one. albeit slight, fault is that I would have liked to have seen more of the jerky Tony Stark, but that's me. In the flavour of Iron Man, how about some art depicting some super heroes & villains in old age?

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From the I had no idea, or if I did I forgot I did, files there is a movie adaptation of Clive Barker's short story The Midnight Meat Train scheduled for an August 1, 2008 release. The short story was originally featured in the six volume collection of short stories entitled The Books of Blood and is a very good read. These stories were my introduction to Barker's writing early in high school and I've been a fan ever since. You've probably seen some of his stories turned into questionable movies already so I'm not hoping for a lot from this one, but I would recommend checking out some of his writings if you like horror and the fantastic.

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Well so long for now, and remember I'm not a gardener, I just like hos.

I need a back-e-out-ta-mee

I don't know to spell that one right but my back is killing me, I'm walking like a 90 year old man who shit himself and am thinking about trying to find some Asian women to walk on my back, yeah walk on my back that's the ticket, either that or hammer down some more painkillers. And you wanna know how I did it?

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You'll be completely unmazed when you read this, but I did it in a coughing fit yesterday, doubled over and twitched something the wrong way and ta-dah, instant gimp.

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No matter, here's to hoping it passes quickly . . . but now onto the real reason why you all have come here, the not quite news and bemusing linkitude.

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So we'll start with something local, no doubt if you're from Sioux Lookout you've already seen this, watched it live or I already emailed this link to you, but check here for a video of the last wall of Gertie's store being knocked down last week. For those of you not familiar with the your Sioux Lookout lore Gertie ran the local candy store and was probably blessed as being one of the few old spinsters, who were always old spinsters, who didn't like kids who were lucky enough to run candy stores.

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Unfortunately after Gertie died a nephew of hers tried to make a go of the store, but with Gertie things didn't seem to go so well, and after a fire shut the business a year ago? More? I dunno. No matter it was just a matter of time before the wrecking ball, or in this case excavator, levelled the place. Interesting bit of trivia, the store just looked like a house from the outside and in my lifetime never had a sign on it. You just knew it was Gertie's store, and that you couldn't touch the candy yourself, open the coolers to browse around and you had to buy at least $1 worth of the loose Nutty Club candy.

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I often wonder without Gertie's shop in business where the Nutty Club is selling their gear now.

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The local GM dealer has apparently purchased the property in order to extend their empire.

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Well that's enough local reminicsing don't you think? Especially if you're not from here. . . now let's piss and moan about the local weather . . . it's snowing, again, and I can see white on the ground . . . this is seven shades of bullshit and if things don't smarten up soon I'm going to have to learn to start like sangria and paella because I'll have to move to Spain or something to get away from this bullshit.

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Nah who am I kidding, I ain't going anywhere . . . least not right now.

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Okay that was still pretty local wasn't it? How about these pictures showing our planet surrounded by all the various bits of space junk that are spinning around at hundreds of miles an hour right above our heads? Pretty cool eh? I don't know if they're real or photoshops or what, but they're still cool. And it's better than me pissing and moaning about my back or the weather.

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If you thought that was a horrible sin, then this is for you, according to this article BMW has developed an engine that's exhaust is 'cleaner' than the ambient air going into the engine to be burnt. Now I guess depending on where that air is being taken from that could be a big deal.

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And in the world of entertainment it seems that according to this Billboard article all varieties of musicians and other celebs are going to be paying tribute to the one the only Mr. Lemmy Kilmister and telling the story of his life and career in an upcoming documentary titled Lemmy. I wonder when they're going to get around to talking to me since it was at Motorhead's April 2005 show at the Walker Theatre in Winnipeg that I got my tinnitus. Although I'm sure there's a million people with that story to tell.

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There's a teaser clip up of the documentary online here if you're interested and I know you are because everyone loves Motorhead and Lemmy, it's science.

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Well that's enough for now, I'm outta here.

Did you know?

No? Well then you better click here to find out . . . and it's gotta be true, it's on the interwebs . . . right?

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But maybe you did know, but sometimes you wonder how to. No need to worry any more, check out this website with loads of how to videos, including how to build a birdhouse, how to cook a salmon Caesar salad on your car's engine, how to pick locks or how to make the perfect margarita.

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I still think that best margarita I've had was at the Taco N Tequila restaurant in Niagara Falls, and I'm sure it helped that it was the size of fish bowl. Damned good burritos too. Good times.

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Now that we're learned, fed and watered, how's about some science? According the scientist in this article we should prepare for an upcoming ice age. Sure I can believe it, I don't know about you, but we've a shit spring here so far. My furnace is still cutting in at night, and at $1.10 a litre for heating fuel you know I'm lovin' it. If only the oil man would at least kiss me first.

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Fuck I miss global warming already.

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But that's enough science don't you think? Now I think it's time for jack-assery. Check out this great website, it's Tony Hawks (a British model) responding to emails he gets from all over the world from fans of pro skateboarder Tony Hawk. Man is this guy good, definitely worth wasting some time reading through them. Check out #14, I haven't read them all but so far it's a favourite.

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And I hope to Jebus that most skateboarding people are at least slightly more literate than the ones who emailed the wrong guy . . . although I think the fact that they couldn't tell these two apart makes for a special kind of person to begin with, so I guess I should be cutting them some slack.

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I know it's not Caturday, but hey how about some quality kitty links . . . like cats who look like Hitler? Don't step out of line or they'll send you to Meowschwitz. Okay maybe that was to much in bad taste, so how about some cats that look like Wilfred Brimley? Okay so only one of the five really looks like him, but it's still a funny idea. I mean better than men who look like Kenny Rogers, right?

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And I'll leave today with a great little video of Hitler getting a new motorcycle. Should be especially amusing for the BMW fans out there.

Great News Everyone

It seems that the latest direct to DVD Futurama movie, The Beast with a Billion Backs, which is scheduled for a late June release has already been leaked on line. I have no idea where to find it, or what to do with it, but you might seeing as how you're so interweb savvy and what not. If it's anything like the first Futurama DVD movie release, Bender's Big Score, this should be a great watch and more than true to the series, but it would be nice if it had fewer shots at the FOX Network.

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Now this isn't really entertainment related news, but it is entertaining. I know I've already shared this link with a number of people, but I have to make sure it gets flogged, check out the awesome gear all sporting the metal salute. I'm thinking about the BBQ apron myself. How about you?

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From the edge of metal to the edge of reason, scientists, or a scientist anyway, can only guess, but check out this article about a gecko finding its way into an unhatched chicken egg. Can you imagine the horror of the experience? To actually have something crawl up your ass and die? I mean to smell like that's happened is one thing, but for it to actually happen, that's a whole other matter.

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Personally the only reason I can think of for something like this is witchcraft. I say we throw the egg, gecko, bird it came from, guy who found it and the farmer who produced it into a lake and if they float we burn them for being witches and if they sink and drown we can sleep safe at night knowing that our Australian eggs aren't being witched right under noses . . . on the other side of the planet.

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But enough of the eggs, looks like you could use something sweet, so how about a nice how to on making your very own deep fried Mars bar just like every gourmet restaurant and chippy in Scotland? Yeah you know you want to, so here it is. Enjoy.

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And if that wasn't enough sugary goodness for you, how about testing your chocolate bar, well they said candy bar on the site but they're from the US and they talk funny, eh, identification skills over here.

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Remember Almond Joy's got nuts, Mounds don't.

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Now that we've had our afters, how about some insightful conversation and debate? Yeah I thought so . . . how about we just have a laugh at how we used to be then? Like check out this link for the things that an employer should look for when hiring a woman, in 1943.

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I guess it's safe to say that we, and you've, come a long way baby. Don't forget, you can do it.

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And finally how's about a look at how things were going to be in the year 2000 from the perspective of someone who watched too much sci-fi in 1961. Although the article's author was way off in some respects (where's my hover car damnit? screw that I'll settle for gasoline under $1.00 a litre . . . remember those days?) but some of the ideas/predictions in the article have some ring of truth to them. And I'm sure they did a better job of predicting than I would do for how things will be in 39 years, well except to say that things will cost a whole lot more, everyone will complain about taxes being too high and should be lower and that government doesn't do enough and should increase spending (how do you do both I wonder?), scientists will be predicting climate change, global warming and running out of oil. But by that time oil will be so expensive only Saudi Sheiks and six richest Kings of Europe will be able to afford it.

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Well I gotta go, time to pour my Bacon Vodka into a nice bottle, it should be ready now.

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Later.

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PS - Happy 56th Birthday Mr. T, I know you ain't got no time for the jibba-jabba, but hopefully you've got time for cake and pin the tail on the donkey.

Yo Joe!

I don't know about you but I'm looking forward to, and dreading, fighting for freedom where ever there's trouble at the August 7, 2009 release of the new GI Joe live action flick. Seeing some of the productions still from this link here have put the dread into me . . . the excitement is based on watching the cartoons that aired when I were but a wee lad . . . well okay I was never small but I was young once.

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I mean come on, where's Destro's metallic mask? The Baroness' cobra symbol? Why is everyone wearing black rubbery body armour? Why is there a Wayans (admittedly he was really good in Requiem for a Dream and The Ladykillers, but totally shit the bed in the D&D movie) in it? I mean no one really seems to look like their two or cartoon/comic characters, except for Storm Shadow. As is often the cry of geeks throughout the basements of the world, it's already been done, you have tons of source material, and you still manage to fuck it up? Read a comic, watch a cartoon for Christ's sake.

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I have to admit that Dennis Quaid does look good as General Hawk though.

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But that's enough classic geekery for a bit eh? How about some that might be more of a musical nature? Like a Lego recreation of Motorhead playing Ace of Spades, complete with audience? Now that's cool. There are many more Lego based videos on YouTube that you might want to check out if that one tickled your fancy, and we all know how you like to have your fancy tickled.

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But maybe you don't think you're a geek, but you aren't sure if you're a hipster or not? Well fear not, worry no longer and rest your mind at ease, check out this article that will quickly answer the age old question "Am I a Hipster?". Sadly I according to one point in that write up, I am, or at least stand a good chance at being a Hipster. Guess I better start popping my collar like a total douchebag then, eh?

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Well that's enough for now, but I will leave you with the 7 minute plus video of the circle of life in action, an eagle dragging a little goat off a cliff. I hope your attention span is longer than mine because I was fast forwarding and still couldn't get to the end.

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Enjoy!

Piss. Moan. Repeat.

So on the weekend I went to Winnipeg to see this year's incarnation of the Gigantour headlined by Megadeth (check out the shitty video above from the show) with In Flames, Children of Bodom, High on Fire & Job for a Cowboy (we missed the last two on the list, pretty much on purpose).

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But that's not what I'm here to piss and moan about today, it's the venue. The show was good, hell great – but the Convention Centre is a shit venue IMHO . . . there was only one way into the hall that the concert was in (yesterday Power 97 DJ Jim Jones said that he had heard that there was something else going on in the Convention Centre and that's why they had limit the access for the metal kids), and at least a couple thousand people, I don't know numbers but it was a sell out, and to my surprise and amazement we had to go through metal detectors. That's right metal detectors. First time I've ever had to go through metal detectors for a concert.

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Is that standard operating procedure at the Convention Centre? At metal shows? In Winnipeg? Anywhere? Tell me? I want to know. And not only did it seem unnecessary to me, it was such a poor set up.

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There were only two metal detectors, I have no idea how many people but I’d guess a couple thousand, a twenty line up to get in, 20 minute line ups for water, no ‘check’ system for items that couldn’t make it through the metal detectors (like the chain on my wallet). But I told the lady that I was just going to put it back to my hotel room and started walking away and my partner in crime/metal suggested I just put it in my pocket, and I did that was good enough, too many people for her to pay attention to anything and anyone I suppose. Which was surprising because I can't remember being at a show with as high a concentration of security people as this one had.
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All this seemed over the top to me, and I think I’m a reasonable metal fan in my early 30’s. I honestly haven’t been to a concert in the Convention Centre since I saw Megadeth there when they were touring for on the Symphony of Destruction tour, in what ’92 or ’93? But after this weekend I’d have to think long and hard about going back for another one (to top all this off the sound in the Convention Centre is horrible, and Dave Mustaine even apologized to the crowd for that on stage). But what does one fed up metal fan mean to the Convention Centre. Probably not much, not when there’s 1500 kids getting dropped off by the mini-van load with too much money and loads of angst to work through.

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And it seems I'm not the only person who felt this way; the Winnipeg Free Press reviewer gave the show a rating of 5 out of 5 and the venue a 0 out of 5 (says a lot don't it?) and the Winnipeg Sun Reviewer gave the show a 4 out of 5.

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But there were highlights to the show as well, and I don't just mean all the hot little metal girls running around the show (where were they when I was in high school? Maybe they were out there, I guess I was too busy reading sci-fi and playing D & D in basements), the three bands we saw were great.

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Children of Bodom were every bit as good as they were when I saw them with Slayer a couple years ago at the MTS Centre . . . and I think even they were surprised with the number of closet Journey fans in the crowd as they started to, I'd say jokingly, play Don't Stop Believin' and the whole crowd started to sing along. Now that's fucking metal.

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I was pleased to finally get to see Gothenburg Metal band In Flames play and I think they tore shit up and said they were planning to be touring Canada again in November. I think I could easily stand to see them headline their own show.

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Another touching moment was during the tear down/set up between the In Flames & Megadeth sets Iron Maiden's Run to the Hills was playing over the sound system and once again the whole crowd broke out into song. That was awesome, and I'd say a little more expected than the Journey karaoke from earlier in the evening. And it made me really excited for seeing Maiden in Winnipeg on June 9th. That is going to rule. And I've got a sweet new hat to wear to the show.

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And hell Megadeth were great, even if the only original member left is Dave Mustaine, but really he's what matters. They played a great set with a really good mix of new and old songs, and it seems that to my suprise they are still gaining fans, as evident by the kids trying to grow their first metal mustaches and trying to act hard in the hall and they have held onto to fans for a long time, as evident by the grey beard next to me for most of the Megadeth set who was rocking out.

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Yep at this show I think I can say I saw myself in 10 years and in 20 years . . . long live metal.

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Until next time.

Oh the Humanity!

In case you didn't know today is the 71st anniversary of the German zeppelin the Hindenberg exploding into a huge ball of flame at Lakehurst, New Jersey (is it just me or does it seem kinda strange that they refer to themselves as "The Airship Capitol of the World"?), leaving 36 dead and others seriously burned. Officially the cause of the explosion was listed as "St. Elmo's Fire," although it likely had something to do with the flammable silver paint that it was finished with and the fact it was filled with Hydrogen.

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Although the Mythbusters tested the flammable paint theory on an episode of their show and they busted that myth, but that's not to say they're the be all and end all of all things Hindenbergy.

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I'm not sure if you can say it's luck or not but there were news camera there that captured the whole the whole for all time, there are several different versions on YouTube, here's the first one that came up when I searched.

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No doubt this was a nail in the coffin of heavier than air flight . . . although I did work with a guy several years ago who thought that they'd be perfect for hauling freight and construction materials into remote locations. I'm not going to say he was wrong, but I am going to say that he wasn't right.

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But enough of that for now - here's some good news for those amongst us who are fans of duct tape, Swiss army knives and mullets - according to this article there's a big budget MacGyver movie in the works. Which only leaves two questions, will Richard Dean Anderson reprise the role that made him famous (aka one of the only two roles anyone remembers him playing) and will he grow back that sweet mullet?

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Speaking of sweet celebrity mullets, how's about this slideshow of the 15 awesomest celebrity mullets ever . . . okay so the #1 spot is a kinda obvious, but really can you think of a better one?

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Last night there was the usual Monday night meeting of some of the finest geek minds available and one of the items that came up was whether or not the new Speed Racer movie would suck or not . . . although we are on the fence and aren't sure if it will go one way or the other we're pretty sure that will go one way or the other and it won't be a gentle lean that's for sure.

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What I've seen looks good so far, I mean as far as the actual look and animation and effects, but we'll see if the movie's any good. Here's to hoping it's better than the revamped Speed Racer theme song. Check it out for yourself, I mean the movie footage in the video is cool, and the song starts awesome but after about 9 seconds they turn down the rock and crank the suck way up. Possibly up past 11 if that's even possible. I don't know why they didn't just use the version recorded by Sponge for the Saturday Morning Cartoons' Greatest Hits album released in the late 90's.

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For contrast here's the original cartoon opening sequence. You've heard it all for yourself, tell me I'm wrong. I dares ya!

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Apparently making this film wasn't without tragedy either; seems that lovable Chim Chim grabbed a hold of Christina Ricci's breast during filming and didn't want to let go. Can't say that I blame him though.

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And I will leave today with a public service announcement - whatever you do, DO NOT buy the Master Lock No 5 Padlock, and if you already have some replace them as soon as you can. Watch this video and you'll see why. But hey if you don't swap them out, at least you know what to do if you lose your keys to the shed, or better yet lose your keys to your neighbour's shed. I hear he's got a really nicer mower.

Hogan Knows Best?

A friend of mine emailed me these rather disturbing photos of the Hulkster himself applying sunscreen (well we assume sunscreen) to his daughter Brooke's backside and awfully close to her nether regions. I don't have kids of any shape or size, but something seems a little wrong about that . . . but maybe I just don't get it.

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Since we're sorta talking about wrasslin', have you seen the crying wrestling fan yet? Watch that video it's great, I mean who doesn't want to see a grown man break down during a Q&A session with some pro-wrestling celebs? And in case that short video clip wasn't enough, why not check out the article that the crying wrestling fan wrote about the experience/event or his website.

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And to give credit where credit is due the same guy who sent the Hogan pics also was the first to inform me of the wonders that is the CWF.

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And finally how about some great medical research news - turns out that masturbation may help prevent prostate cancer. Well according to this article it does anyway. So that's great news not only can you wank for peace (check out their propaganda posters, they're great), but for your health as well. That is of course if doesn't make you go blind, insane or give you hairy palms first.

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And since I care so much about your prostate health, here's a deposit for your spank bank, you'll probably have the best return on this investment if you're a geek fanboy, a nice slide show collection of the babes of the NYC Comic-Con.

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All I can say is Giggity.

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Man I swear some day I am going to go to the San Diego Comic-Con. And it will rule. I'd also like to rock out at the Wacken Open Air Festival . . . now that would be an experience of a lifetime. And honestly Rocklahoma would be a good time too . . . but in a riding a moped kinda way, if you know what I mean.

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While we're talking rock, it looks like Lars Ulrich and I finally have something in common, apparently we both want Metallica to release their latest record sooner than later. I wonder if we're both hoping that it's a lot better than their last record too?

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Oh yeah, on more thing - remember, hugs and kisses should make you wanna dance, but they shouldn't be anywhere near your pants.

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PS - it's still real to me, dammit!