All Aboard!

As some of you already know I like to travel so I figured today I'll share some information that might be helpful in case you like to or think you like to travel as well. We'll start at the start with airline costs.

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Seems that this could be bad news for me, and watch out fatties because apparently airlines are considering treating passengers like freight (I already fly on one airline that already does that to a point) and charging by weight. So if that does happen, have your photo ID ready when you approach the counter and leave your bag of nickels at home.

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For the older or more experienced traveller here are some pictures that may bring back fond memories of air travel from the past where it was supposed to a luxurious or at least special and unique experience. I can't understand the words, but I pretty much get the drift of the pictures.

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So now, fat or not, you're on the plane and off to your destination, and it's always a good idea to know what you can and cannot get away with at your destination, so here, because I care, are the 7 "innocent" gestures that can get you killed over seas.

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So now that you know the upturned thumb means up your ass in the Middle East and the open extended palm is "I rub shit in your face" in Greece (shit do they do anything there that doesn't involve an asshole in one form or another?).

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Okay, so you're there now, and you know what hand gestures you shouldn't do, but what do you and what's it going to cost you? Well have no fear because I have for you here the price of a pint of beer in 202, make that 204 (they've added two since I was there last) different countries from around the world, and you can look at it in different currencies to, just in case you don't like to spend good old Canadian dollars.

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All right so now you've managed to not offend people and not be surprised by the price of the glass of beer you just drank, so now what? How about a good hard shag? Yeah thought you'd like that, so here, for your travel budgeting pleasure, are the prices of sex in various countries around the world. From this chart looks like South East Asia has the best bang for your buck, pun entirely intended, and in London your better off to hit the boozer and try cash in on your exotic foreign accent and the effectiveness of tart fuel with the ladies than hiring one.

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I don't have huge experience in this department but the city in Thailand I was in you could get a girl for a day, and delivered to your hotel, for about $50 Canadian, the ones that spoke English (apparently in the world of Thai whores, speaking English and saying English are about the same thing) cost a little more. We were also told by our cab driver in Kuala Lumpur that Indonesia was even better for hiring girls and that one could be had for about 1/3 of what they cost in Betong.

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So you should be well satiated by now and maybe after a couple drinks and a girl or three you're thinking that you're a man now . . . well maybe not, it all depends on where you're coming from, or where you are I suppose. Here for your learning pleasure are some of the most terrifying passage into manhood rites from around the globe. I think I'll stick to chest hair and sideburns proving you're a man thanks.

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How's that for some holiday planning? Not bad eh, but now that the trip is over you probably think you're free and clear, or at least you will be once you can pee freely and the rash clears up, but no there could be one more major obstacle to your returning home, seems that jackasses in the Canadian government think that there should be a law that would allow digital devices (everything from oh I dunno you're laptop to your iPod to your digi-cam) be inspected by Customs Agents for pirated content. Now not only would that add a whole lot of time to the trip through customs at the airport, after all how many songs do you have on you iPod and how much porn is on that laptop?, but think of the invasion of privacy that comes along with it . . . especially the invasion of privacy that comes with being cornholed in prison after you're convicted for thousands of counts of copyright violation.

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I don't know about you, but I'll be keeping my eye on this one.

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Anyway that's her for now, until next time.