Now I Could Really go for a Pint

How about you?

Still here

This is going to be short, I'm running well behind this morning, but that's how it goes, eh? No matter there's bound to be something here to amuse you.

.

So the other day we had me beating up kids and posting photoshops of people making fun of kids artistic ability and lack of knowledge of things historical, but today we'll step it up a notch or two and share with you these professional (or at least good) artist's interpretations of kids' drawings. Some of them are pretty cool.

.

And maybe you want to encourage your sprog to read, well check out this sweet set of Little Golden Books that never made it. There are some good ones in there for sure, I know I'd flip through a few of them myself. But that's coming from the guy who has copies of Everyone Poops and the Big Book of Farts. Someday I think I need to get a copy of All About Scabs and you know this one looks like something I'd enjoy as well, after all it is a book about two of my favourite things. But maybe such a scientific look would spoil it for me?

.

Huh looks like they're still churning out the Little Golden Books . . . a little Poky Little Puppy anyone?

.

While we're talking about kids' books, why not kids' names? Seems that this article, headlined "More parents using txt language to make their child's name gr8" is further proof that reproduction needs to be licensed and/or the the ability to procreate is inversely proportional to your child rearing skills.

.

Oh and one last thing, Motorhead has a new album out, get it.

Let's Get Ready to Ruuuuuuuuuummmmbbbblllllleeeeee!

Good news everybody - according to this website I could take 26 five year olds in a fight (how many could you take?), yeah you read that right, 26 of the little snot nosed buggers. With school starting up here in town next week maybe I'll go and take a kindergarten class on. You know to make me feel good about myself and feel like a big man. Oh and you know I'd totally use one as club - after all they're too short to be polearms and aren't aerodynamic enough to be missile weapons.

.

I'm sure some of my success in battling said 26 (that's one for every letter of the alphabet - think how awesome it would be if I could get 26 kids each with a name starting with a different letter of the alphabet to fight, I think it would add a nice Sesame Street like quality to the event, and then to top it off the Count could count up the pile of battered kids) is due to the information I got from reading this quality article explaining how to win a fight against 20 children. Those last six, it's all me baby.

.

I know you're impressed, aren't you?

.

Maybe my kindergarten battle royal could be the main event to round out an evening of sweet Daycare Thunderdome action. Oh yeah Daycare Thunderdome is real, just check out this article on the topic where police say that a Dad gave kids weapons and encouraged them to fight each other for his amusement. I'm pretty sure I'd watch, at least for a little while anyway. Don't judge you would too, I'll just admit it.

.

I wonder who the Patron Saint of Fighting Kids is? I don't readily see it on this list, but it seems that there's no shortage of Patron Saints for Children and looks like Saint Sebastian is the Patron Saint of Athletes, so perhaps it would be some sort of amalgam or Voltron of Saints who would protect the toddling gladiators as they punch, kick, scratch and smash their way into our hearts.

.

While we're discussing Patron Saints, how about Cracked's list of the 8 most bizarre Patron Saints. Amazing eh? And if you look at the list I posted up above there you'll see that there's a Patron Saint for everything and everyone. So if you happen to be Christian or flexible in faith there'll always be someone to look over your shoulder or who's medallion you can wear for a little extra added protection.

.

I'm plucking content from Cracked again, but here's a nice collection of 25 historic events as depicted by five year olds. There's some really funny stuff there . . . and I could take each one of the kids who "did" those pictures plus one more. I should totally add that to my resume, I'm that would impress some people.

.

Well that's it for today - gotta get in training for my winner takes all battle against a local kindergarten class next week . . . maybe I could make it a charity event. Until next time.

Another Monday

Hey we're back and we're writing, after a couple of lazy posts on the weekend, but it's more than what you usually get out of me on a weekend and hopefully it was amusing . . . if not humourous hopefully you're at least into pictures of drunk girls on toilets, and sometimes improvised ones.

.

Well I said I was going to get the new Toadies album, and I did. See a man of my word I am, generally anyway. As for No Deliverance, if you like the Toadies, you'll like this record, if you don't like the Toadies, well then you have questionable taste in music.

.

Speaking of questionable taste in music, Metallica has released the first single off their upcoming record. You can listen to The Day That Never Comes streaming online here if you're interested. Me I think I like it (then what am I so afraid of?), but that being said I think it could stand to be more rocking. But I do want to hear the rest of the album, and hey, it can't be worse than St. Anger.

.

Well I guess the Olympics are finally over and I get back to regularly scheduled television viewing, and since it was just the summer Olympics I pretty much mean Coronation Street on the CBC Sunday mornings. Now that's good times. The real bitch is going to be when the Winter Olympics comes on and fucks up my first run winter TV viewing - strike last year, Olympics this year.

.

I am honestly a little disappointed in all you bleeding heart soap dodgers out there, I was expecting more hub-bub and protestation over the Olympics in China, I mean aren't there countless human rights and environmental violations that everyone is so upset about over there? Something about the Dalai Lama? Tibet? Lead paint in toys (after all lead paint is the tastiest)? Ugly girls not being allowed to sing on TV (just like in North America, what's the big deal there)? Being hungry 30 minutes after you eat their food?

.

Maybe it's like in ancient Greece and all fights are put on hold until the Olympics are over.

.

Maybe nobody really gives two shits as long as they can still get some cheaply made flat pack entertainment units and t-shirts over at the Wal-Mart or some knock off DVD's of films still in the theatres so they don't have to put up with the rest of the unwashed masses in order to watch Kung Fu Panda while they cheer on their countries elite, sometimes, amatuer athletes as they match up against the best the rest of the world has to offer.

.

But enough of the pissing and moaning for now, how about a good bit of health information from Ernest Borgnine, aka the voice of Mermaid Man? Little did I know that secret to eternal youth was in the palm of my hand? This is good news, good news indeed.

.

Well I think that's about her for now, but since it's been a while since I gave you some giggity, here's a bit to tide you over. Looks like none other than the lovely Miss Dita Von Teese has teamed up with Wonderbra to release a limited edition line. You can check out some pictures of Dita modelling the gear here. All I can say is I'll take two.

.

Thanks

Now this is partying

.

It's a high standard to set, but I know you can go get out there and do us all proud.

This Says It All

.

I hope against hope that this ain't real.

I Come From the Water

I don't know about you, but was pretty excited last night when I read this and learned that the Toadies have released a new album, their first in seven years. If you aren't excited about this news, I have to ask why? Maybe you don't remember the Toadies, but maybe you remember their big hit (Possum Kingdom - a rather catchy tune about obsession, stalking and maybe murder) from their first national release Rubberneck.

.

Oh you know I'll be getting this one . . . I wonder if they'll be touring and more importantly will they play Winnipeg? It might not be that much of a stretch, after all when another of my favourite long disbanded 90's bands, Urge Overkill, went on their first tour in seven years, Winnipeg was one of their few stops, don't ask me why, and they rocked the shit out of the Pyramid Cabaret.

.

You've got to go and check out these photos. They were taken by John Macfie while he worked with the Department of Lands and Forests in Northern Ontario, in the 50's & 60's mostly, all around Northern and Northwestern Ontario in or near places like Fort Severn, Attawapiskat, Moose Factory, Sandy Lake, Round Lake, Sioux Lookout, Bearskin Lake, Mattagami, even some from Parry Sound, showing the lands and native people in a variety of activities. There's some pretty interesting pictures there, and who knows you might see someone you know.

.

I didn't recognize any faces but did recognize some last names, but that's pretty easy do when you're working up north I think.

.

No matter, how about some travel talk? Seems that since I'm going back to Cuba in January this article where Raul Castro tells Cuba to be ready for some tough times may not be the best news I could find. I'm sure everything will be fine, and while we're there I'm sure there'll be something going on in celebration of the 50th anniversary of the revolution.

.

In closer to now fun and frivolity I may just go and check out the Flatlanders Beer Festival in Winnipeg this year. How can you go wrong with a hall full of high end beers available for the sampling? And it goes to a good cause, just don't ask me what it is . . . which is a completely different thing from every other time I've been full of beer in downtown Winnipeg.

.

Here's a little quiz that's suffering from the great idea poor execution syndrome where you're supposed to guess the movie from the stick people drawing. This would be great fun but the captions below the pictures totally give the movies away and I think they would even with out the stick people drawings.

.

Well that's all we gots time for today, so I'll leave you with this video of how I make the ladies sound when I works my magicks.

I Hurt Myself Today

You know I like the original, but god damn if I don't think that Johnny Cash's cover of Nine Inch Nails' Hurt is way better, and man how good is that video? Such very powerful imagery, or at least I think, but maybe I'm just a soppy git?

.

Cash's cover of Depeche Mode's Personal Jesus is top shelf as well . . . and his cover of Soundgarden's Rusty Cage. Maybe he's just one of those guys who could do no wrong, and that includes when he was caught with a guitar full of amphetamines coming back from Mexico.

.

I don't know about you, but the video clip of the walking catfish in question in this article from Florida makes me think it's the end of the world or something. Look at those freaks of nature, wriggling across the pavement, yep pavement as in the streets of a subdivision, completely out of water. That just ain't right.

.

And people eat these things? I don't know if I could bring myself to eat them, smash them on the head with a shovel yes, eat no. And this is coming from some one who will handle and have eaten jackfish and not thought twice about it. . . those catfish look more like freaky eels than fish . . . kinda like Ling I suppose . . . scary shit.

.

But they don't begin to compare to the Mekong Catfish from the Mekong River of Thailand that can grow up to 10' long. Now that's one fish that you don't want to mess with.

.

Honestly I'm not sure if I find those walking catfish or the mutated fish (what kind of fish did it used to be?) from Northern Alberta in this article freakier. You've got to see the humour in a mutated fish turning up just in time for a clean water conference.

.

From more of the believe it or not files, only I ain't making this shit up like Ripley did, seems that according to this article there's new forensic evidence shows that Captain Cook was not the first white to "discover" New Zealand, he was just the first to do so without being eaten.

.

All I can say about that is sure, it makes sense and hopefully the Maoris still aren't in the habit of eating tourists (after all the Maori did eat the Moriori (native people of the Chatham Islands) and those they didn't eat they enslaved), I may like to visit that island some day. And when I'm there maybe even get some sweet Maori ink, samples here, but not on my face . . . although that might make the Maori angry and want to eat me so maybe it's not the best idea.

.

We've been slack on the geekery so let's do this up right, with more news of the Watchmen movie - check out the new images from the film here and to go back in time a bit how's about another look at the movie posters for this film from the SDCC. I think that things are looking pretty good and yes this is a movie that may just warrant a trip into the city to see.

.

Now let's all watch the movie trailer again. Who watches the Watchmen? I do.

.

That's it for now, go read the paper or something.

Meanwhile back at the ranch . . .

Well I'm back again - I've been on holidays from work the past couple weeks so I've been too busy doing other stuff to get on here. You may ask what I've been up to since I wasn't wasting time here entertaining you lot, well I was fishing, biking,

.

.

roasting pigs,

.

.

going to weddings (don't worry none of them were mine, if it were of course I would have invited all of you), binge drinking, finally saw The Dark Knight (and it was soooo-oh awesome, it was the Batman movie they always should have made - it's too bad we won't see Heath Ledger as the Joker again . . . maybe as Solomon Grundy (ohh hey who said that?)), some lazing about and a little general TCB.
.

You'll also be happy to hear that I finally sampled the bacon vodka that I made over my hols, and it was awesome, it got some great reviews from the crowd. It has a real smoky, greasy taste to it, you definitely know it's bacon vodka. One fan proclaimed it to be like drinking pork rinds. Now how much better than that can you get eh? If you want to make your own here's the recipe link again; though when I made it I used a full 26 ounce bottle of Absolut and I think five strips of the thick slice bacon. If you want to shave some years off your life there's no better way to do it that I know of.

.

But enough of that, let's get down to bidnizz bitches.

.

Maybe we can start with a couple photo collections. Check out these collections of cool photos of abandoned places, first one here, second one here. The photography and/or photoshoppery is fantastic. Maybe someday I can BAM my picture skills a notch or two. I guess a good start would be taking a course or reading a book instead of just pointing my camera at stuff and pressing the button. But who has the time for that?

.

Speaking of abandoned places, how long do you have to leave a place alone to have a tree start to grow in a pile of old books and papers? Well that's exactly what happened at a Detroit school book repository, check out the photo here, it's just a small sapling but you can see it. Amazing stuff, nature really will over come . . . once we aren't around here to fuck with it. Not that I'm a proponent of exterminating the human race to save mother earth or anything crazy like that.

.

If the photos of the places left to rot and ruin have brought you down, maybe you should check out these photos of a rather un-abandoned place, New York City, from the 1940's. There are some really cool shots in there.

.

If you're a regular reader you'll remember the Thai prison thriller dance I posted a while back, well here's one for the geek set, it's a Darth Vader/Storm Trooper Thriller Dance. You know these guys are totally going to be tapping some sweet Slave Leia ass because of this.

.

Time is running short so I think I'll leave with the theatrical trailer for the movie Bitch Slap, to be released this Christmas time, because nothing says Christmas like car chase, titty showing, fist fighting exploitation films. This film is looking so bad ass it's not even funny. I know I want to see it, from here it looks like it's got cult classic written all over it.

.

And I'd like to leave you today with a lovely de-motivational message. You know it's true, and yet some how you have to find a way to go on.

Got title?

Today marks the 46th anniversary of the death/suicide/murder of everyone's favourite brown eyed brunette, Miss Norma Jeane Mortensen, or Baker, aka Marilyn Monroe. No matter which it was she took some great photos . . . I'm not a huge Marilyn mark myself, but I know plenty are.

.

While we're talking about celebs, or at least a celeb, how about checking out some photos by Alison Jackson, who uses look-a-likes or photoshop to get, or should that be make, pictures of celebs in their private lives. Check out a sampling here and here . . . I still can't believe that Liz pees.

.

I don't know why this couldn't have happened when I was in Oz, but it seems that after these photos, some topless, of Jessica Origliasso of the Aussie pop band the Veronicas surfaced online fans protest/lend support with their own topless photos . . . but you'll have to find those for yourself. Now that's what you call fan support . . . I mean you don't hear about Billy Joel fans posting pics of their drunken car crashes online to protest The Piano Man's being shown to the world. Lord love the logic of a teen girl's mind.

.

You can read a bit about the whole kerfuffle here if you're interested, but now that you've already seen the boobie pic I'm sure you're well enough pleased.

.

Since you already brought up Aussie pop stars, how's about we cover 40 years of Kylie Minogue in 35 photos (WTF - Kylie's 40?).

.

I think we need to combat all the pop shmaltz we've had going on so far today with something with a higher concentration of awesome . . . like this video of The Muppet Show Band covering Rammstein's Engel, with special guest appearance by Debbie Harry.

.

Since pretty much everything's had a musical flair to it today I'm going to sign off with a sweet little video with a couple whities rapping about their favourite of all lady parts, the FUPA.

.

Laterz.

I Want My MTV

Can you believe that it was 27 years ago today, way back in 1981 that MTV first hit the airwaves, first playing the Buggles Video Killed the Radio Star (just ask Christopher Cross how true that statement is/was/are/am) followed immediately by Pat Benatar's You'd Better Run.

.

Make your own crack about how MTV, and similarly Much Music, used to play videos, hee hee ho ho. That's original shit there. Speaking of Much Music, what ever happened to Erica Ehm? I'm sure I bring that up every time I mention Much Music, but anyone got an answer for me? Oh I guess this is what she's doing, thanks Google, you rarely let me down.

.

Well we're kinda talking music so how about some good news, bad news from the world of rock . . . first the bad news. According to this interview with Tom Araya Slayer is under contract for one more album, and it may be their last for fear of becoming what Ozzy has. Big ups for getting out on top, but boo-urns to the possibility of only one more new Slayer record . . . and their last record was top shelf Slayer as far as I'm concerned and I saw them play the MTS Centre a couple summers ago and they were fantastic on stage. No encore though, but I think there's some sort of rule about not playing past 11:00 in that arena because I haven't been to a show there yet that went much past 11:00.

.

Now for the good news, according to this Megadeth are getting ready and/or getting a studio ready to record a new record and after seeing them in Winnipeg this spring, read about the experience here, and thinking that their latest record was as good as anything they ever did I'm as hap-hap-happy, as metal fan is allowed to be under international metal conventions, can be.

.

Well it looks like I didn't hit the nerd prom again, but here's a close 2nd, how's about a nice slideshow of some of the costumes from the convention floor, opening with a nice shot showing why they call her Mrs. Inredible.

.

And where can I find a bird who dresses like this? The one on the right wisenheimer. Oh well at least I'm not the only one with an unhealthy attraction to animated ladies. You know you've got a problem if you thought he left out Batgirl, Catwoman and Supergirl.

.

Back to the SDCC check out this slide show of some of the great things revealed at this year's event.

.

Sadly I've got to link a little more serious news here, have you read about the Manitoba Greyhound Murder? Truly grizzly horror movie stuff to be sure, hard to believe that something like that could happen in real life. One has to wonder why something like that could have happened . . . I mean surely there's no good reason for it, but aren't just the least bit curious to know what was going through that guy's head just before he decided it was time stab the guy behind 50 some times and remove his head from his shoulders?

.

One more reason to take the train, eh?

.

And remember if you're in Toronto, tonight, Zerg, Bovine, be there.