Be Ware!

He's Coming!
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Da-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na BATMAN!

Movie Time

Well on the weekend I saw Rob Zombie's Halloween sequel and brothers & sisters let me tell you it's very Rob Zombie and very twisted. And I finally learned the difference between jam and jelly, and for that Rob I'll be forever grateful and seeing Brea Grant in this movie did nothing to curb my hang up on specs appeal. But hey there are worse things to be hung up . . . right?

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Check out these great movie posters from the glory days of Ghana's "mobile cinema". The Mobile Cinema travelled around the country from village to village creating temporary movie theatres in a time when most of the population couldn't afford their own VHS (remember VHS?) machine. To attract people to the see the movies the mobile cinema they'd often hang out home made posters like the ones in the link. And yes most of this paragraph is paraphrased directly from the site I've linked. Remember you get what you pay for.

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And since you brought up movie posters, how about Premiere.com's list of the 25 best movie posters ever? Whether you think they're right or not you have to agree that are some really good movie posters there.

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Or maybe you'd prefer Cracked.com's collection of the 30 Strangest Movie Posters of all time? Admittedly, this is a favourite, but they seem to have an odd idea of just what exactly strange means . . . either that or I'm fucked. Proper fucked.

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Or maybe you'd prefer a collection of embarrassing movie posters? Which in this case I think the compiler believes the definition of embarrassing to be "in bad taste" in one way, shape or form. Some quality stuff in there though, don't you think?

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It's not movie posters, but it's another great Cracked.com Photoshop contest of The Top 25 Pieces of Movie Merchandise Too Awesome To Exist.

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Well I've got a ton more movie links I've been waiting to share, but I'm running short on time, so with that I bid you good day, until the next blog.

Is if over yet?

Apparently in today's day and age contraception myths are still quite prevalent, or at least that's what this article from BBC News has told me. Scary stuff really, but you're in luck, standing during sex is still deemed effective birth control.

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As hard as it is to imagine that people still believe these things, it can be harder yet to imagine just what one trillion dollars is, or maybe that's just me. I mean I can picture many and lots, but a trillion? It might as well be a kajillion. No matter here's a cool site that visually depicts just what a trillion dollars is . . . or maybe you can picture it better as 20, 000, 000, 000 days (nearly 5.5 million years or over 73, 000 life times) with a Thai Whore.

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Talk about loving you long time big boy.

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Here's one for the Star Wars fans; a picture of R2 D2 that just might cause you to go blind. I warned you.

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Think you know your tubers and/or your adult film stars? Well put that vast wealth of knowledge to the test with the "Pornstar or Potato" test. It's pretty hot.

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Did you know that pissing in the shower saves the rain forest? Well that's what the Brazilian government (wow that's a lot of governments) is telling their people, or that's what this article is telling me anyway. Who knew being to lazy to get out of the shower, towel off, use the toilet and get back in was good for the environment.

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I wonder if pissing in sinks will save pandas?

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Pissing in Old Faithful only saves you rent as you'll be a guest at the Graybar Hotel. Don't say I didn't warn you.

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And I will leave you with what is easily one of the most awesome things I saw all day yesterday . . . teapot blowing. Tell me you don't want to go out and try this for yourself now.
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Liar.

Giving You Another One Just Like the Other One

As you may or may not know or care I live in Canada and it's awesome, everything smells of pine trees, you can get any article of clothing in plaid flannel, you can use the term tuque and people know exactly what you mean (which is a whole lot easier than referring to your new knit winter hat) and we've got socialised health care.

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Personally I love it, but I know there are many people out there, both outside the country and in it, who don't know how it works or how it would work for them and maybe this will clear things up for you.

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Regular readers will have figured out that I have some issues with soap-dodgers and half baked schemes, and man do I ever love to hear things like the Prius is more environmentally damaging than a BMW M3. Take that you smug bastards . . . and yeah don't worry I really know what the message of the clip was, just like I *really* know what the message of driving a Prius is.

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Now some science I can stand behind 100% - making dinosaurs from chickens. Nothing can possibly go wrong there can it? And think of the omelets you could make from those eggs and imagine a McNugget from Ronnie that could feed four? Now that's progress you can sink your teeth into.

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Oh and a bit of a favour and public service announcement, please stop emailing me to inform me that baby carrots are causing cancer from their chlorine marination it's not true . . . that is of course if you believe Snopes and the Canadian Food Inspection Agency (see section 4.4 Antimicrobial Treatment of the linked document) over some email that's been forwarded 100 different times from your aunt's neighbour's nephew who is thinking about switching his major from bong hits to pre-med even though he's at the local Community College.

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Thanks.

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Oh, and it looks like someone beat me to it . . . Batman son of Superman, how much more awesome can you get?

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And with that I will say Good Bye.

For My Loyal Fan

Yep, another post, and it's not even been a month. What's going on in the world? Well lots (I've been busy jumping motorcycles over mountains, try it for yourself, it's fun), but let's just focus on some of the funner bits for now eh? Maybe this is why I wasn't as regular on here as I could have been?

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In case you too were disappointed with the GI Joe film (which would have been a lot more enjoyable for me if it weren't called GI Joe) like I was (but I was disappointed exactly how I thought I was going to be disappointed, so is that really disappointment? A question for the ages, something you can figure out after determining what the sound of one hand clapping is) I think you'll thoroughly enjoy The Ballad of GI Joe over at Funny or Die.

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Personally I think that was cast & costumed a whole lot better than the film was, at least you could tell who the Joes were just by looking at them . . . and Henry Rollins as Duke? How much better can you get?

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None, none better.

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Hey all that being said I enjoyed the GI Joe film more than Transformers 2, and the funny thing about that is I thought Transformers 2 was better than the first Transformers film, but not even half as good as the Transformers animated movie.

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Oh and for the record, the GI Joe animated movie sucked balls too, so I don't hold everything from when I was a kid in high regards . . . but this does lead me to ask when are they going to make another Masters of the Universe film, but that's a cherished childhood memory that could due with being smashed on the rocks of Hollywood ineptitude.

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Oh wait, they are and apparently it's slated for a 2011 release. I will keep hopes high for this for now, after all it will be hard to out bad the Dolph Lundgren MotU film.

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In other news that has geeks foaming at the mouth, looks like the Disney Corporation has bought up Marvel Comics, you can read a bit about it here, but you've already got the message. This causes one to ask a few big questions like will Hannah Montana be Spiderman's new love interest and will the cast of High School Musical will be joining the X-Men?

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Apparently that won't be the case and the Mouse will give Marvel the autonomy that Pixar or ABC or ESPN enjoys, so that's good. Maybe we don't need to ask how Disney will affect Marvel, maybe it will work the other way around. That seems to be what this guy thought over here anyway.

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Well that's her for now, but I will leave you today with a collection of some great motivational posters featuring Mark Twain quotes, because you can't go wrong with a little Twain.

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Until next time.

I Think I Need to Brush Up on My Bible

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'Cause I had no idea it was this awesome!

Been Neglectful

Yeah it's been a while, but so it goes . . . after all you do get what you pay for don't you?

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So what's new? Lots probably, but the only thing to pops to mind is that I got a new set of eyeglasses delivered to my door for $27 from these guys here. That's big news. Otherwise I've just had things that I'd rather in the real world than spend time here. But I'm back . . . for today anyway.

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So did you hear that Greyhound will be cutting bus service (make your own jokes about beheadings on the bus) in Northwestern Ontario & Manitoba? Yep apparently they are and they're blaming the government for it saying that they're losing too much money operating the rural routes that the government is making them run. True I don't know,

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Anyway you can read more about it here or the official announcement here if you're interested.

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If you're into metal you're bound to think that the potential concert tour that Kerry King mentions in this article would be a full on metal onslaught. I think I'd buy a ticket for that show, and I've seen all those bands at least once in the past.

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It's not metal, pretty it's damned rock and roll - check out this article about a British guy who just got in his car one day and started driving around the world. There's something very appealing about an adventure like that, but I suppose it's not for everyone. But we do have one thing in common, I too enjoy pleasing myself day after day.

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Finally . . . an answer to how to dispose 1000 fake dog testicles.

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Well that's her for now, until next time . . . whenever that might be.

Domo Aragato Mr. Tow-boto

I don't know about you but I think this is pretty cool. I wonder how big a vehicle they can tow with one of these rigs?

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I'm going to guess they aren't towing too many trucks with these rigs.

Is Going to Blame it on the Train

Yeah I'm back with another short but sweet one.

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Maybe you're in the market for a 2010 Camaro, and if you are you might want to have a look at the 68 point dealer delivery checklist, you know so you can give the car a good once over with the common problems they're having with this car, like broken transmission output shafts. Although since that same tranny is used in several other sports cars it's more likely a bad batch of transmissions than a problem with that transmission as a whole.

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I still love my Camaro, but the 2010 has mine beat hands down power and performance wise. But I guess that's the difference between three and four hundred horsepower eh?

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Now let's shift gears from awesome cars to awesome actors, and how can you get more awesome than Mickey Rourke? I mean this is the man who told Iron Man 2 Director Jon Favreau that he wanted his character in the film to get drunk and argue with his pet parrot, or at least according to this he did. Told you he was awesome, but wait it gets better.

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Seems that recently while partying in London he ended up with a statue of Christ (and who hasn't?) and punching the shit out of a traffic barrier (and who hasn't wanted to?). Good times, good times. But it gets better, check out the top 7 awesome things that you didn't know about Mickey.

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And now this is a must share bit of movie news, even if it doesn't involve Mr. Rourke, but here's the trailer for Tim Burton's production of Alice in Wonderland starring none other than Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter. I'm looking forward to this film, Burton & Depp are great at what they do and when they do it together it's even better and the Alice in Wonderland stories are great, even if they were written by a man with an unhealthy attraction to little girls for a little girl. But that being said, do read the books.

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And I will sign off today with what just might be the best power ballad EVAR.

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Until next time.

Happy Birthday Hoff

If you didn't know today is David Hasselhoff's 57th birthday. I can only speak for myself here but I'd go party with Lady Gaga (who looks nothing what I pictured her looking like) like he did, maybe they were celebrating the Hoff's birthday early.

Can't Stop the Red Red Croovy

Did you know that Heinz has been selling their ketchup (remember how revolutionary the squeeze bottle was when it came out?) in Canada for 100 years now? Well according to them they have (I can only vouch for the last 30 or so years personally) and to celebrate and to thank Cannucks for slathering this oh so popular condiment on nearly everything imaginable they cooked up this recipe for ketchup cake (trust me the recipe's there, scroll down a bit).

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If you make it let me know how it is. Or better yet bring over a piece to share with me. After all if it weren't for me you wouldn't have cooked up the ketchup cake to begin with, now would you?

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Ever wonder how cops should celebrate national police week (yeah apparently there is such a thing, I'm waiting for national big fat geek day . . . oh wait I think there is something like that but we've get a four day weekend with more boner inspiring costumery)? I used to wonder that too and then I read this article and now I know, it's by doing all the things that they were arresting people for the rest of the year. It's like Bizarro World, only less fun because it's real . . . and I doubt that the criminals go around arresting ne'er do wells during that time.

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And finally I'd like congratulate Winnipeg on holding its title of largest Slurpee consuming market ten year's running . . . and hey you can actually put that on a sign as you enter the city unlike when you were the murder capitol of Canada.

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Until next time.

Rock you like a hurricane

Or like a tornado to be more precise. If you haven't heard yet late last week the not quite nearby but in the region town of Ear Falls was stuck by a tornado which killed two men from Oklahoma (how's that for shitty luck? You leave Tornado Alley in the US and go on holiday to an area where tornado's are rumours and things that happen on the news and you're killed by one? I guess when it's your time it's your time) and as of my last researching one man was still missing.

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You can check out some video from The Weather Network or an article here or here on the topic. I'm glad that tornadoes remain something that are on the news for me . . . give me 40 below instead anytime . . . and I think you'd say the same too, unless of course you're aware of something that I am not like tornado proof mittens or something.

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Onto something completely unrelated, I've never really understood the attraction to the shiny giny (I figure it's some sorta attraction to youth or similarly pedo or maybe it's just so you swim faster) but he folks over at Playboy have taken the time classify the hair down there (their term not mine) into a rather in depth hierachy assumably so everyone is using the vernacular when discussing such things and/or taking bets on the amount or style of pubic hair on the next stripper to grace the stage at your local titty bar. Why even Ginger Spice is taking the time to check to see which category she falls into.

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While we're on the topic of Playboy, I'm sure everyone has fantasized about doing the no pants dance with a centrefold or two but you're not Hef so what's a kid to do? Well start saving your pennies because here's a list of of Playboy centrefolds who'll shag you silly for cash. Good information to have kicking about I suppose. And don't forget after all those girls still sharing Hef's bed are only doing it because of his money and status, so really you paying a bunny or two for sex isn't a whole lot different as long as you snap a picture or two and compile a list of turn ons and turn offs.

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Anyway I gotta get outta here. Later skaters.

Dance Your Cares Away

Worry's for another day, let the live action musical play down in Fraggle Rock. Yep that's right kids according to the jerks over at AICN there's a live action musical version of Fraggle Rock in the works, you can read just a little bit about it here if you like. IMDB says the film will have a 2011 release. Live action Fraggles? I dunno, what's wrong with puppet Fraggles and dudes in big suits playing the Gorgs? And the blue screen placing the tiny Fraggles in frame with the giant Gorgs would be a whole lot better now.

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Until I actually see something I'll assume that it will be at least as good as the TV show (hey admit it it was good and you liked it and you still sometimes watch the reruns on Teletoon Retro). I just wonder who will play the old not so successful inventor guy who tossed all of Uncle Travelling Matt's postcards in the wastepaper basket.

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And oh yeah, is it just me, or was Junior Gorg at least a little bit retarded?

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Speaking of Teletoon Retro, what happened to Rocket Robin Hood and why no Adventures of the Mighty Hercules. If you're reading this Senior VP in Charge of Pleasing Geeks Who Never Grew Up(oh and I know you do) over at TTR get on that shit, will you.

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And since I mentioned geeks, how's about closing off with a fine collection of some great examples of geek art & graffiti. If you get any of these you're not as cool as you thought you were.

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Sorry.

Misunderstanding

The lesbians next door to me gave me a Rolex for my birthday.

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Very nice indeed, but I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.

You Still Here?

Yeah yeah it's a been a long time, but maybe I've been busy doing stuff in real life having great adventures (like rocking out at the Winnipeg stop of the Canadian Carnage Tour - check out the concert videos on Youtube, the Winnipeg Sun Review and the Winnipeg Free Press Review) and shit like that. Or not. I'll let you decide on that, but no matter I'm back here after a month and half and plan to hammer out something for my fan.

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So in the past couple weeks I'm sure your Celebrity Death Beeper has been ringing off the hook with the deaths of Farrah Fawcett (like the guys in 2 Cents said The Dead Don't Rest for the Beautiful - but she had a great spread in Playboy in the mid-90's, check it yo), Micheal Jackson (still creepy even when dead, the question is, is he creepier dead or alive? Take a peek at some of his stuff and you decide.), Billy Mays (who will stop the Sham-Wow Guy now?) and Mollie Sugden aka Mrs Slocombe on the BBC series Are You Being Served?

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And my final homage to MJ, the Thai Prison Thriller Dance.

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Man I wish my business card was this cool.

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Anyway gotta get going - maybe I'll be back tomorrow, maybe I won't, you'll have to come back and check for yourself.

Say No to Sioux Lookout's "No-Name Subdivision"

I'm not the most politically active son-of-a-gun around but a petition has been started on ipetitions here asking the Municipality not to go ahead with the proposed "No Name Subdivision", so if you think this is a bad idea as well you might want to sign it as well.
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If not sorry to have to bothered you, oh wait, I'm not bothering you, you stopped by here, technically you're bothering me. If you could pass this along to others who might be interested and/or affected that'd be great. Me I don't think this is great a idea, at least not at the moment. As everyone (I think) is aware we're in the midst of an economic downturn, the mad demand for housing and building lots here in town appears to be slowed down (take a look at all the houses and lots available here, here, here, here and here) and giving land to private developer when it wasn't done in the past doesn't seem right either. But at the same time you can't fault them for asking, I mean after you can ask for the moon (or a solid gold hummer in a solid gold Hummer), but you're not necesarily going to get it.
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This is going up before council on May 20, so time really is of the essence.

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Fight the power.

Scrap the Long Gun Registry

Not sure if this is up your road or not, but here is a link to an online petition (with a print-out-able version as well in case you still know people who aren't e-savvy like us) to abolish Canada's wasteful long gun registry program from the fine people at the Ontario Federation of Anglers and Hunters.

I know I'm all for it (even if it might make as big a difference as pissing in the ocean) and as of my signing there were 30,666 signatures as of this morning, 378 more since I signed yesterday morning. Even if you don't own guns you might want to consider supporting this just to try to help stop the government from pissing away your hard earned tax dollars (assuming you pay taxes that is) on a completely ineffective program who's sole purpose seems to be creating a false sense of security for people who don't understand the situation.

Anyway - please share the link with anyone you think would be interested.

PS - I don't have a bunker and am not stockpiling canned goods . . . but I might start, you never know when World War Z might break out and I want to be prepared.

Another Quality Thunder Bay Sign

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Me, I'm just wondering how long that was up before it was taken down . . . and how long the person who made the keen editing changes had been waiting to use this one.

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And it totally blows Bastard Muff out of the water, don't you think?

Always Twirl Twice in Front of the Mirror

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I don't know about you but it made me smile.