And to you I leave a boot to the head . . .

LA LA!

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If you're Canadian and you liked off kilter sketch comedy troupes no doubt you have fond memories of watching and/or listening to The Frantics (remember CBC's Four on the Floor with the Frantics? I know I do) . . . well you're in luck as The Frantics are back together and are celebrating their 30th anniversary (counting their 15 year break from each other). Here's the article that brought this to my attention.

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I can only hope that this will convince Rick Green that he needs to restart Commander Rick Prisoner of Gravity stat. Man I miss that show . . . it's the show that introduced me to Neil Gaiman, Alan Moore, Maus and so much more great comic/sci-fi/fantasy literature . . . and made me want to live in a space station with a super computer and sweet arm chair . . . well I'm part way there aren't I?

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Oh and if you're trying shop for that hard to buy for geek check these out. Pretty cool eh? I don't think I've seen a cooler USB thumb drive since the Lego Brick thumb drive mod.

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But enough of the geekery for the moment, how's a nice PSA about the do's and don'ts of designing a corporate logo. Yeah I thought you'd like that . . . and now I bet you're trying to re-work your company's logo to incorporate a wang or two in it.

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Well now I'm off to have my own freak portaging accident in Algonquin Provincial Park. Until next time.

Don't Call It a Come Back . . .

. . . I was here all along . . . so where have I been? What have been up to?

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Well why don't you mind your own business for once, nosey.

One thing that hasn't helped is that I've been without a home computer for a while after my vintage two stroke dino powered machine made the decision to by a new computer for m by completely crapping out a few weeks ago. But we're back in action now . . . and I've got a lot of work to do and catch up on, but I'm up early and Scooby Doo isn't on Teletoon or Teletoon Retro yet so permit me to entertain you.

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Unfortunately fans (okay maybe that's an exageration, fan) I've lost a lot of what I was saving to put up on here but we gotta start somewhere right?

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So how's about starting with a little bit of epic fail and the 50 Best Protest Signs of 2009? Sure you've seen some before, but they're still funny aren't they.

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Here's a little more fail for you this morning. Remember kids if you're goign to re-enact Tom Cruise's infamous old time rock n roll scene from Risky Business, wear socks don't grease the floor . . . but if you do grease the floor put the video on YouTube and share the link please and thank you.

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Well it's time for Scooby Doo, I'm outta here. Until next time . . . whenever that might be.

Oh Bother

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Where will the H1N1 paranoia end?

Even the Animal Kingdom Has Real Dolls

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Oh and in case you're not familiar with Real Dolls, what are you waiting for?

In Communist Russia, Blog Reads You

Greetings comrades, remember the Iron Curtain? Of course we all do, but what was it really like on the other side? I don't know and this won't answer it, but it will let you know which rock bands were forbidden in the USSR in 1985. Only in Russia you say? Well hold on there bucko, there are some parallels with the PMRC's Filthy 15 from the same era. Land of the free indeed.

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But maybe if the Russian government would have kept such strict controls on the media in their country we could have avoided this mess that is Russian Thug Life. It's good to see that thinking you're cooler and tougher than you are is something that transcends languages, nationalities & borders. I'm sure right now in a galaxy far far away some group of wanna be gangstas are flashing gang signs in a photo in front of the intergalactic equivalent of a Civic with shitty decals and spinner hubcaps for their latest photo shoot.

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But times change, check out these then and now pics of St. Petersburg. And this here is supposed to be the world's craziest intersection from St. Petersburg. I don't know if it's the craziest one out there, but man that's one choppy crazy video of car crashes captured by a traffic cam at that intersection . . . and it's got Confusion Corner beat all to hell. Tell why is this so hard to navigate?

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I don't know about you but I'm thinking the Russian government should lower Vodka prices because apparently this is what happens when Russians get bored.

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Although here's something that's doubly near and dear to my heart. Check out these awesome pics of how an enterprising Russian modded a Camaro Mad Max style. The car looks to be a 2nd Generation Camaro, but the hood scoop is off a 4th Generation SS.

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Got a scientist fetish combined with a thing for Eastern European beauties? Well you're in luck because here's Russia's Miss Atom, the beauty contest open to workers in Russia's nuclear industry.

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It might not be recent news, but who wouldn't do just what these Russian fisherman did when they thought that the 200 pound strange looking squeaking beast the pulled out of the Sea of Azov that they thought was an alien - eat the damned thing. And to think I know people who won't eat a ling because they look too disgusting.

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Well das vi danya comrades until the next time.

What Not To Put on Facebook

Bbrrrraaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnnsssssss

Well if the internets don't just keep getting better & better.

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If you want proof, check out Zombies or Not which is an undead version of Hot or Not, Rate My Ride or Rate My Rack. And while we're talking Zombies how's about a nice article featured both on Cracked and Zombies or Not, how 7 iconic movie characters would do in a zombie attack. I thought it was worth the read, but I'm often thinking and planning how to get through a zombie invasion and/or World War Z.

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If you're looking for help getting through WWZ yourself perhaps you can look to this novelty Zombie Survival Kit for some inspiration. Or maybe this one up for auction on eBay will help? My only piece of advice is remember, you never have to reload a blade. Thank you Zombie Survival Guide your practical advice and case histories may just save my bacon yet.

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And here's some good news for the Zombie Movie Fan, it's reported that Peter Jackson, maker such fine pieces of classic cinema as the Lord of the Rings trilogy and Dead Alive (the custard scene will be with me forever), is to direct a Nazi zombie time travel movie. Now if that's not a movie with epic win written all over it I don't know what does.

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He may not be a zombie (yet) but last week the wrestling world lost one of its greatest managers of all time, the one the only Captain Lou Albano. Paul Heyman has a decent good bye article to the Captain on his website here with some fond memories and a bit of insider information.

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PS - I swear it wasn't me that did this. But I do think it's funny.

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PPS - Someone, quick, help me write a love poem for Katy Perry.

Inked

I've been wanting another - no make that more - tattoos for a good long while now, it's just more than a bit of a pain in the ass for me to get one, factoring in the time and expense of going in and out of the city to get it done . . . but such is the price one pays for living in a bubble of a town in Northwestern Ontario I suppose.

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No matter, but today I'd thought I'd share of the online ink viewing I've been doing (hey I'm a poet and didn't know it). Let's start out with a nice big collection of what were you thinking tattoos. Oh it starts out with a real winner and has a good mix of the badly thought out, badly done and just flat out bad ideas. Hell that was so much fun, here's another one.

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As much as we all enjoy looking down the back of a girl's pants decorating this area with ink is not a good idea, and the tramp stamp has become as played out and stereotypical a tattoo as Taz (wow that one's got a poor idea, poor execution and bad photography all rolled into one) or the tribal slave band (sorry if you rocking either of those, I'm sure they were cool & original when you got them but now . . . gee sorry). In honour of this here's a gallery of some of the whackiest of the tramp stamps and here are some of the worst.

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I really really hope that your shitty tattoo isn't in either of those . . . if they were, well I do honestly feel sorry for you.

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Now how's about an entire website to the tattoo that I generally think is cool, but sooo-oh not for me, the Knuckle Tat. I actually know a guy who has a set of knuckle tats and when he laces his fingers together it spells out "LETS FUCK". Yep he's a class act all right.

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It must be the geek in me showing through but I really like a lot of these "science" based tats . . . and these ones . . . oh and these ones too.

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These tattoos of vintage/obsolete gadgets also appealed to me, guess I'm really letting my geek flag fly today. I know it's quite apparent that the author of that blog is definitely against these tats, but tell me this isn't awesome?

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And well tell me that these tattoos of girls with Hello Kitty tattoos aren't a nice mix of geekery and giggity? Or maybe that's just my unhealthy attraction towards comic book and characters showing through and combining with baser geekish tendencies. And I swear I'm not a Furry. Honest.

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Anyway since you brought it up, here's a collection of what are supposed to be the 101 hottest women sporting ink. I'll let you decide for yourself about that though.

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Prior to this I never thought that a tattoo could have a sexual orientation, but it turns out the definitely can, so here's a nice collection of lesbian tattoos for your viewing pleasure.

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And finally how's about this article about two prisoners being charged with forcing a third into getting a cock tattooed on the back of his neck. And you thought it was bad when you passed out at the party and your so-called friends Sharpied your sorry ass.

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Until next time.

Motherhood in the Animal Kingdom

On the Riverbank


In the Ocean

In India

In the Arctic

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Still in the Arctic
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Over to Africa
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Still in Africa
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And finally somewhere just outside of a Wal-Mart
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How to Load a Bobcat

From Tea to Sacrilege We've Got It All

I don't know about you, but I often turn to tea (this being a favourite and before you ask yes it must be Twinings) in my times of need and apparently it's for good reason. According to this article the calming effects of tea are scientifically proven and you can't argue with science. Well you can but then you become history's laughing stock, you flat earther creationist bastard.

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And I just learned this but apparently not believing in evolution or the earth being a globe means you also don't believe in good web design. Whodda thunk it?

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I don't know if intelligent design or evolution can explain this mess, but I think it's discoverer was correct in beating it to death. I probably would have used a stick or club of some sort if I had a choice (like these kids did here) rather than a shoe, but beggars can't be choosers. And the moral of the story is if it's strange and scary bludgeon it.

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And here's something that I feel it fits the flavour of things at the moment. I don't know about you but I'm honestly surprised at the number of hits you get when you do a Google Image Search for "Jesus Riding a Dinosaur".

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And since you've brought up the son of God, or possibly your gardener from The Happiest Place on Earth (Donkey Show anyone? No? Maybe you're more into the Tiger Show?), how about this collection of 40 awesome versions of Jesus.

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And it seems that not even a child as perfect as Christ is immune from angering their parents as the photos in this article clearly show.

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But this is a church that I can really get behind . . . well okay I can at least get behind their message, for some reason it appeals to me . . . I can't exactly put my finger on why though.

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And remember Jesus Saves . . . or Jesus Saves.

Be Ware!

He's Coming!
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Da-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na BATMAN!

Movie Time

Well on the weekend I saw Rob Zombie's Halloween sequel and brothers & sisters let me tell you it's very Rob Zombie and very twisted. And I finally learned the difference between jam and jelly, and for that Rob I'll be forever grateful and seeing Brea Grant in this movie did nothing to curb my hang up on specs appeal. But hey there are worse things to be hung up . . . right?

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Check out these great movie posters from the glory days of Ghana's "mobile cinema". The Mobile Cinema travelled around the country from village to village creating temporary movie theatres in a time when most of the population couldn't afford their own VHS (remember VHS?) machine. To attract people to the see the movies the mobile cinema they'd often hang out home made posters like the ones in the link. And yes most of this paragraph is paraphrased directly from the site I've linked. Remember you get what you pay for.

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And since you brought up movie posters, how about Premiere.com's list of the 25 best movie posters ever? Whether you think they're right or not you have to agree that are some really good movie posters there.

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Or maybe you'd prefer Cracked.com's collection of the 30 Strangest Movie Posters of all time? Admittedly, this is a favourite, but they seem to have an odd idea of just what exactly strange means . . . either that or I'm fucked. Proper fucked.

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Or maybe you'd prefer a collection of embarrassing movie posters? Which in this case I think the compiler believes the definition of embarrassing to be "in bad taste" in one way, shape or form. Some quality stuff in there though, don't you think?

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It's not movie posters, but it's another great Cracked.com Photoshop contest of The Top 25 Pieces of Movie Merchandise Too Awesome To Exist.

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Well I've got a ton more movie links I've been waiting to share, but I'm running short on time, so with that I bid you good day, until the next blog.

Is if over yet?

Apparently in today's day and age contraception myths are still quite prevalent, or at least that's what this article from BBC News has told me. Scary stuff really, but you're in luck, standing during sex is still deemed effective birth control.

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As hard as it is to imagine that people still believe these things, it can be harder yet to imagine just what one trillion dollars is, or maybe that's just me. I mean I can picture many and lots, but a trillion? It might as well be a kajillion. No matter here's a cool site that visually depicts just what a trillion dollars is . . . or maybe you can picture it better as 20, 000, 000, 000 days (nearly 5.5 million years or over 73, 000 life times) with a Thai Whore.

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Talk about loving you long time big boy.

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Here's one for the Star Wars fans; a picture of R2 D2 that just might cause you to go blind. I warned you.

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Think you know your tubers and/or your adult film stars? Well put that vast wealth of knowledge to the test with the "Pornstar or Potato" test. It's pretty hot.

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Did you know that pissing in the shower saves the rain forest? Well that's what the Brazilian government (wow that's a lot of governments) is telling their people, or that's what this article is telling me anyway. Who knew being to lazy to get out of the shower, towel off, use the toilet and get back in was good for the environment.

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I wonder if pissing in sinks will save pandas?

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Pissing in Old Faithful only saves you rent as you'll be a guest at the Graybar Hotel. Don't say I didn't warn you.

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And I will leave you with what is easily one of the most awesome things I saw all day yesterday . . . teapot blowing. Tell me you don't want to go out and try this for yourself now.
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Liar.

Giving You Another One Just Like the Other One

As you may or may not know or care I live in Canada and it's awesome, everything smells of pine trees, you can get any article of clothing in plaid flannel, you can use the term tuque and people know exactly what you mean (which is a whole lot easier than referring to your new knit winter hat) and we've got socialised health care.

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Personally I love it, but I know there are many people out there, both outside the country and in it, who don't know how it works or how it would work for them and maybe this will clear things up for you.

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Regular readers will have figured out that I have some issues with soap-dodgers and half baked schemes, and man do I ever love to hear things like the Prius is more environmentally damaging than a BMW M3. Take that you smug bastards . . . and yeah don't worry I really know what the message of the clip was, just like I *really* know what the message of driving a Prius is.

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Now some science I can stand behind 100% - making dinosaurs from chickens. Nothing can possibly go wrong there can it? And think of the omelets you could make from those eggs and imagine a McNugget from Ronnie that could feed four? Now that's progress you can sink your teeth into.

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Oh and a bit of a favour and public service announcement, please stop emailing me to inform me that baby carrots are causing cancer from their chlorine marination it's not true . . . that is of course if you believe Snopes and the Canadian Food Inspection Agency (see section 4.4 Antimicrobial Treatment of the linked document) over some email that's been forwarded 100 different times from your aunt's neighbour's nephew who is thinking about switching his major from bong hits to pre-med even though he's at the local Community College.

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Thanks.

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Oh, and it looks like someone beat me to it . . . Batman son of Superman, how much more awesome can you get?

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And with that I will say Good Bye.

For My Loyal Fan

Yep, another post, and it's not even been a month. What's going on in the world? Well lots (I've been busy jumping motorcycles over mountains, try it for yourself, it's fun), but let's just focus on some of the funner bits for now eh? Maybe this is why I wasn't as regular on here as I could have been?

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In case you too were disappointed with the GI Joe film (which would have been a lot more enjoyable for me if it weren't called GI Joe) like I was (but I was disappointed exactly how I thought I was going to be disappointed, so is that really disappointment? A question for the ages, something you can figure out after determining what the sound of one hand clapping is) I think you'll thoroughly enjoy The Ballad of GI Joe over at Funny or Die.

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Personally I think that was cast & costumed a whole lot better than the film was, at least you could tell who the Joes were just by looking at them . . . and Henry Rollins as Duke? How much better can you get?

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None, none better.

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Hey all that being said I enjoyed the GI Joe film more than Transformers 2, and the funny thing about that is I thought Transformers 2 was better than the first Transformers film, but not even half as good as the Transformers animated movie.

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Oh and for the record, the GI Joe animated movie sucked balls too, so I don't hold everything from when I was a kid in high regards . . . but this does lead me to ask when are they going to make another Masters of the Universe film, but that's a cherished childhood memory that could due with being smashed on the rocks of Hollywood ineptitude.

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Oh wait, they are and apparently it's slated for a 2011 release. I will keep hopes high for this for now, after all it will be hard to out bad the Dolph Lundgren MotU film.

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In other news that has geeks foaming at the mouth, looks like the Disney Corporation has bought up Marvel Comics, you can read a bit about it here, but you've already got the message. This causes one to ask a few big questions like will Hannah Montana be Spiderman's new love interest and will the cast of High School Musical will be joining the X-Men?

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Apparently that won't be the case and the Mouse will give Marvel the autonomy that Pixar or ABC or ESPN enjoys, so that's good. Maybe we don't need to ask how Disney will affect Marvel, maybe it will work the other way around. That seems to be what this guy thought over here anyway.

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Well that's her for now, but I will leave you today with a collection of some great motivational posters featuring Mark Twain quotes, because you can't go wrong with a little Twain.

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Until next time.

I Think I Need to Brush Up on My Bible

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'Cause I had no idea it was this awesome!

Been Neglectful

Yeah it's been a while, but so it goes . . . after all you do get what you pay for don't you?

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So what's new? Lots probably, but the only thing to pops to mind is that I got a new set of eyeglasses delivered to my door for $27 from these guys here. That's big news. Otherwise I've just had things that I'd rather in the real world than spend time here. But I'm back . . . for today anyway.

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So did you hear that Greyhound will be cutting bus service (make your own jokes about beheadings on the bus) in Northwestern Ontario & Manitoba? Yep apparently they are and they're blaming the government for it saying that they're losing too much money operating the rural routes that the government is making them run. True I don't know,

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Anyway you can read more about it here or the official announcement here if you're interested.

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If you're into metal you're bound to think that the potential concert tour that Kerry King mentions in this article would be a full on metal onslaught. I think I'd buy a ticket for that show, and I've seen all those bands at least once in the past.

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It's not metal, pretty it's damned rock and roll - check out this article about a British guy who just got in his car one day and started driving around the world. There's something very appealing about an adventure like that, but I suppose it's not for everyone. But we do have one thing in common, I too enjoy pleasing myself day after day.

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Finally . . . an answer to how to dispose 1000 fake dog testicles.

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Well that's her for now, until next time . . . whenever that might be.

Domo Aragato Mr. Tow-boto

I don't know about you but I think this is pretty cool. I wonder how big a vehicle they can tow with one of these rigs?

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I'm going to guess they aren't towing too many trucks with these rigs.