If you buy this house . . .

. . . Yes this house here I'll get perogies and cabbage rolls and who could ask for anything more.

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So what are you waiting for, go buy the house, I don't want to cook tonight.

Crack Kills

Check out these pics of this poor moose that appears to have fallen into a crack in the ground in Utah and met his end there. Or it was Utah so maybe it was suicide.

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Poor bastard.

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FORE!

Who knew golf was this much fun?

Hold my beer . . .

. . . Imma try sumthin'

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Then and Now

Check out the Young Me Me Now website - it's a very cool idea with some pretty neat side by side pics, of you guessed it people recreating a pic of them when they were young, now. Another of those brilliantly simple idea that will leave you thinking "Why didn't I think of that?"

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Either way, it looks like a fun game to play, so if you do lemme know. Even if you don't submit the pics, share them over this way. Bring a smile to your favourite blogger's face.

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I bring this up because in the past week I've been getting my kids' movie on (big surprise, eh?), including finally watching Wall-E; which was another Pixar winner, and some scathing social commentary, although I'm probably one of the last people in the free world to know that. If you haven't seen it yet, do yourself a favour and ch-ch-ch-check it out.

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I also rocked Disney's The Jungle Book, which I have no idea how true to Kipling's Mowgli stories really is, but damn if I didn't enjoy it all over again and this movie must have one of, if not the best, Disney movie soundtrack. I mean come on, check this, or this, out and tell me you're not doing a little chair dance of your very own right now?

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I know I am. Shit, it might have an even more infectious groove than the B-Boys' Intergalactic. Okay, maybe as infectious.

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Another thing I hadn't noticed as a kid was just how much the characters in Disney's Robin Hood looked and sounded just like the characters from The Jungle Book . . . pre-windows cut and paste action I guess.

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Well I think that's it . . . maybe next I'll watch Pinnochio, haven't seen that one in yonks. Or maybe I'll just check out Pinocchio, Vampire Slayer instead.

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Until next time.

Hippity Hoppity Easter's On Its Way

Well Easter is quickly approaching (and we all know what that means - The Ten Commandments will be on TV this weekend), so I'll spare you the bit about the Catholic Church co opting a Pagan festival/celebration to Eostre to make it easier for non-believers and other general heathens to sign on for their celebration of resurrection of everybody's favourite Jewish, hippy carpenter.

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I'll also resist the urge to make any wisecracks about Zombie Jesus.

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When I was a kid finding chocolates and eggs left behind by the Easter Bunny (now I prefer Fluff E the Hip Hop Bunny) was cool, but man it was a lot of work . . . and I honestly never clued in to anything when my folks would say there's more stuff to find when I thought I was done. Yeah I can be a little thick at times . . . still.

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Also in the last year I've had to explain, or at least talk about, Ukrainian Easter Eggs to two different people. As odd as it might seem and despite the fact that I'd always known about them and had them around me growing up, apparently not everyone is familiar with these tiny works of art.

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Who knew that not everyone had Ukrainian roots? Even if you don't do yourself a favour and enjoy some perogies, cabbage rolls and kubasa if you haven't already. Take my word on that.

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But enough of that for now, I gotta go get ready. Seven things to do today, seven things to do, can't stray from the list, seven things to do today.

Let's get ready get our geek on folks

As we're all aware Steampunk is wicked awesome and this steampunk Stormtrooper Helmet, Boba Fett and Princess Leia are fine examples of the genre. Now that's way cooler than these crochet Star Wars characters (but they are cool in their own right, just not as cool) don't you think?

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If you're down with the steampunk you should check out China Mieville's novels Perdido Street Station, The Scar and Iron Council. Not only are the really good books by a good and imaginative author set in a very unique world, they have a great steampunk flavour going on in them.

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I can't explain why, but I think steampunk is awesome. It probably appeals to me for the reason(s) as rat rods (how could you not want to drive one or two yourself - the car perv, but hey Rock-a-betty chicks aren't so bad either), Dickies and bowling shirts do.

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Oh and a little more for the Star Wars fans out there - in case you needed any more proof that George Lucas hates you but loves your money (even if it needs to get funneled from your wallet to him through your kids) apparently he'd like to make a Jedi Babies series, because we all remember how awesome the Muppet Babies were.

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Since I've knocked you down some, it's only fair that I build you back up with these awesome Star Wars pics. Almost makes up for that last link don't it?

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Ever wonder what Stormtroopers do on their day off? Yeah me either, but here's the answers anyway. Pretty cool n'est pas? I think we're about even for the Jedi Babies thing, right?

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And finally I will leave you with a little bit of time travel awesome.

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And with that I'm outta here.

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PS - looks like everyone's favourite bounty hunter has fallen on some hard, but awesome, times. Check it out for yourself.

How Fairy Tales Really End

The Little Mermaid
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Snow White

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Sleeping Beauty

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Little Red Riding Hood

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Jasmine (Aladdin)

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Cinderella

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Belle (Beauty & the Beast)
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Help Me Help Somone

This is what I typically would put in here, but hell gotta switch it up every now and again, eh?

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Anyway a friend of mine has been selected to be one of the Leaders taking one of the two West Sussex contingents of Scouts to the 22nd World Scouting Jamboree being held in 2011 in Sweden. Apparently there's a lot of cost (time, training, money) involved in pulling off something like this so if you're interested you can help them raise some money while doing your online shopping and not spend a penny more (well unless you have to pay kah-razy shipping costs because we're talking about something based out of the UK) than you already are.

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Anyway the West Sussex World Scout Jamboree Unit A is registered with these guys who have over 2000 online retailers signed on so they've got just about everything you could want to buy, or so I've been told.

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So go to the website and complete all the required information to register as a user and where you have to enter the Charity/cause/organization remember it's:

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West Sussex World Scout Jamboree Unit A

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Check out the terms and conditions and if you're agreeable to them check the box at the bottom of the form and click on the big Register button at the bottom of the form, then go get your shop on. Just remember to log in before you start the process so the scout troupe can get their money.

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Apparently after you long in you can also use a search engine that will also help raise money for these fine folks . . . and before you ask no I'm not just doing this because of a girl scout uniform fetish.

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Thanks for at least thinking about this.

Come in and burn

As if there's any other kind but check out this great interview with the aging alternative icon himself, none other than Henry Rollins where he talks about many things, among them why we'll never see a Black Flag reunion, which is one of them good and bad all at the same time things, if you ask me . . . and I know you didn't but you're here so you must want to know what I think.

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Right?

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Well we've had an early spring here, and according to the Weather Network it's not going to last, but I'll take it, most of the snow is melted out of my yard, we had temperatures in the double digits on the weekend and I was out on my bike both days. Not too bad for mid-March in Sunset Country, eh?

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The warm weather will mean the animals will start coming out of the bush again, so maybe you're in the market for a new set of bull bars for your truck. If so have a look at the offerings from Herd Integrated Vehicle Protection. If you put some spikes on them they'd look just like something straight out of Mad Max (and brother I don't mean Thunderdome) and don't forget to check out the product testimonials.

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Oh and don't forget to burn.

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PS - Happy Birthday Mr. Erik Estrada

It's Battlestar Galactic-touge

If you're cool, and I know you are because you're here, you're into The Beastie Boys and Battlestar Galactica, and brothers and sisters let me tell you, you're in luck because right here is the finest (okay only but it's still pretty bad ass) mash up of the B-Boys Sabotage with footage from BSG, complete with the original video and a sweet side by side comparison of the original and the mash up.

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As the French say "C'est tres sweet.".

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Now it's no secret that I like me some tea, and I'm thinking that with commercials and a mascot like this PG Tips has to be one fine cuppa, don't you agree?

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And well this is just a completely different sort of monkey, but I really think he should be sporting a smoking jacket and fez, but that's me.

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And while we're rocking some sweet monkey action, how's about what might be the finest episode of Monkey News from The Ricky Gervais Show ever.

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All monkeyed out? Yeah me either, but let's move onto something else for a minute or two shall we?

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So cool. So much awesome. So much win. It's epic.

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And lastly in honour of the 30th anniversary of John Wayne Gacy's conviction for the murder of 33 men and boys here's an evil clown generator. Use at your own risk.

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Until next blog.

Time, time, got the time of day, day

Tickin' in my head! Tickin' in my head!

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Always being on the look out for all things awesome here are couple of items that I thought might do well in the Willow of the Wood's shop, especially after the sin that was the teacup clock. The first one is the Redundant Clock. Cool eh? And probably hard to read after a night on the lash.

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The next interesting time piece is the Aspiral Clock that has no hands, is just a spiral that slowly rotates and has balls that set at the bottom of the spiral and marks the time. Very cool eh?

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While we're talking time, I've recently purchased another new watch; I had bought a nice Timex (well okay nice for a Timex) watch and had the crown snap off when adjusting the time. It was returned and replaced and a couple months later the same thing happened again. So I'm planning to send the watch back, but let's fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, so I went out and ended up buying a new Fossil watch. And up until now I've only ever owned Timex watches. Maybe never again?

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I think the watch might almost be too cool for me, but hey it works and it looks nice and hopefully it won't fall apart on me . . . and it's got the backing of an 11 year warranty (according to the sales girl anyway). I'll just have to remember not to wear it when I'm doing things will result in it being smashed to shit.

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Now I'm not in the market for a room mate, but maybe some of you are, so here's a lesson in how to rent out your extra room. I don't know about you but I'm sold.

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And you know I'm not sure where my sweet beard falls, but it sure is nice to know there's a gauge out there for me now.

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Now here's a place where I could really spend some quality time.

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Until next time.

That's Gotta Hoit

Nothing makes a kid feel better about themselves than seeing other people commit some truly epic fails, and this video from Funny or Die (or FoD as the cool kids call it) is chock full of them. Get your wince reflex ready. If you'd like to check some local fail content viddy this one.

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If that's not your thing maybe checking out six and a half minutes of kah-razy motorcycle trail riding; awesome scenery but I don't know that I'd be dirt biking there - but maybe I'm just a big pussy.

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These Savage Chicken cartoons (done on Post-It Notes) really tickled my funny bone and I think you might like as well. And while we're talking about Savage Chickens, check out this article about Sheriff's Deputies seizing over 600 chickens in a Southern California raid that authorities were being used for cock fighting.

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Since it doesn't appear that any celebrities were involved and people don't care about chickens as much as dogs don't expect this to get a whole lot of media coverage.

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On the tool front, think of all the troubles you could escape from and problems you could solve if you only had this in your tool box . . . and maybe a roll of duct tape and a Swiss army knife . . . and a sweet mullet, don't forget the mullet.

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Well I gotta go, but before I do, I must ask . . . Are you ready?

Lousy Smarch Weather

Actually that's not entirely true, the weather has been aces here lately.

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But, hey another month another post, we'll see if we can be any more regular about stopping by here, but no promises. Remember you get what you pay for.

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It's no secret that there are demons that live in my head and cause me no end of grief and pain, but whenever I hear someone say "Oh I had a migraine once." I want to poke them in the eye with hot poker. Migraine isn't a one off and it's not Latin for "bad headache"; but maybe this article comparing the myth and reality of migraines will help. If it doesn't I did find it an interesting read.

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It's a sad sad day and the end of an era, the Alamo Village from the John Wayne Alamo movie is shut down and for sale. I never visited there, and never tried to either, but you have to admit it would be a cool stop on a road trip?

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I wonder if Peewee's bike is in the basement?

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Maybe Mr. E.T. could save the place, he pities the foo' that won't let him phone home.

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No matter, but perhaps this video will make you happy to learn that it doesn't just happen to fat guys.

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Until next time, Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

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PS - Still need.

Back to work today . . .

It's no secret that I travel and after seeing this I think that Russia has moved up a few pegs on my list of places to visit . . . and I might be ready for another trip by the end of the day.

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Speaking of visiting, if you're ever in Las Vegas do go check out the Las Vegas Gun Range and Firearm Center; I spent the $50 to blast two clips through a Tommy gun and brothers and sisters let me tell you it was so not worth money and worth every penny at the same time. Let's put it this way, when I was done I very nearly pulled out my wallet and peeled out another $50 to do it all over again . . . and if I go back to Vegas again I'd go back there in a heart beat.

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Since we're talking guns, maybe you've already seen this, but how's about this video of a bunch of different guys firing off a .577 rifle. Trust me it's worth the watch.

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Did you ever wonder what would happen if you could combine someone with OCD and a crazy cat lady into one? Well wonder no longer, because I have for you here the answer.

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And here's a burning question that needs answering. Please Jebus tell me that wasn't real.

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Oh and before I go, check this out and let me know if it looks like a zombie to you, because it sure does to me.

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PS - I need.

This Is Necessary

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Photos taken by a hunter in Montana with a cell phone camera . . . or at least that's what the email I got said.

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No matter who what or where, they're cool pics, n'est pas?

And we're back . . .

Okay, having been to Oz I know just how good a good pie can be, I can totally relate to this.

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I mean if you had just purchased a pie I'm sure you'd ask the fuzz if you could pick it up to finish it if you were in the same situation. I know personally the best pie I've ever had was at about 7 AM in Byron Bay on our way down to the beach to check out the lighthouse (okay look at from a distance) and most easterly point in all of the Land Down Undah.

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If you're looking for some good pies on this side of the Pacific or just a fan of pies in general do check out Mr. D's Tart-n-Pie in Winnipeg. Speaking from experience they do a great pie and apparently work with chefs in Oz to get the most authentic pie going. I wouldn't be surprised if I pick up a bunch when I'm in the city next.

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And while we're in the area, let's stop in and check out these Kiwi rugby fans who advertised for a large chested woman or midget to fetch beers during rugby and are most likely the kinds of blokes we'd all like to hang out with. You'll have to read the article yourself to find out who they hired for the gig, but really with applicants like that, how can you go wrong?

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How cool is this little gadget? I have no idea how well it would or wouldn't work, but it looks cool don't it?

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And while we're on the topic of cool, here's something that I think the Willow of the Wood might like. Personally I like the space monkey one, but that's barely a surprise is it?

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Oh yeah, one last question, are you talking to me? Are you talking to me?

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Well I think that's her for now, until next time, stay classy San Diego.

Bear shot near restaurant

Very disturbing . . . very disturbing indeed

Bye Bye Miss American Pie

If you didn't know today is the 51st anniversary of The Day the Music Died. And yes Virginia it's more than a Meat Loaf (personally I prefer meatloaf but that's me) tune long Don McLean (not one half of MacLean & MacLean apparently) song (and a second rate Madonna cover), it's when a small plane carrying The Big Bopper, Ritchie Valens and Buddy Holly (the man who would have been the real King of Rock and Roll IMHO) crashed outside Mason City, Iowa, while en route to a show in Fargo, North Dakota.

Back to Back Entries

Ahhh the viral video . . . you know them you send them, people send them to you the whole world watches them, but who has time to watch them all? If you're unlike me and too busy to waste vast amounts of your time in such trivial pursuits then have I got the answer for you, a sweet compilation of the greatest of the viral videos.

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I think I love Boxxy although there is something mighty appealing about Buffy the Cookie Monster Slayer. I guess it's safe to say that I still carry that torch for comic book girls . . . speaking of I nearly had geek love over load the other week when watching an episode of What's New Scooby Doo when Daphne was dressed up as Catwoman at a comic convention on the show. Mui Caliente.

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Ever get your iPod earbuds all tangled up and not know how to get them untangled? Well have I got the video for you, after watching this you'll know how to untangle your headphones using just a simple cat. It appears to work but I can promise I'm not going to give it a go myself.

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Since I'm already helping you out here, do you ever have to buy someone a gift but you're either too lazy or uncreative or don't care enough to pick the gift yourself? Well here's the solution for you, just have a vague idea of what your giftee is like, make a few clicks and the internet will come up with some suggestions for you. Ah the internetz is there nothing that it can't do?

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While we're talking about the things the interwebs can do for you, how's about taking a look at seven crimes that will get you a smaller fine than file sharing. I know stealing is wrong, even if it electronic intellectual property and not a physical item but that seems more than a little off (provided the information is accurate of course and that's one of the beauty things about the internet it's constantly updated with the most up to date accurate cutting edge and the most up to date completely wrong and made up information going - that's why I love the Uncyclopedia) and perhaps law makers need to take a step back and re-evaluate things a little.

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Ah well that's her for now, until next time.

Happy February.

Ahhh February, shortest month of the year which means the best salary to days worked ratio going . . . well unless you count my office closing for two weeks in December and still getting paid for the full month . . . is Black History Month, the home of Groundhog Day (which is tomorrow, go out and enjoy it's not everyday you can get away with harassing a burrow dwelling animal for kicks, to kick and/or weather predicting purposes) and this year is the home of the 2010 Winter Olympics being held in Vancouver February 12 to 28.

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I'm sure this is going to be a very unpopular stance, but this t-shirt sums up my feelings towards the Olympics quite nicely. And not just the Winter Olympics or the Vancouver Olympics or the 2010 Olympics, the Olympics in general. Except for the Laff-A-Lympics and Olympic Fine Meat products . . . they're all right.

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Oh and I'm good with Special Olympics jokes too. Yeah, I'm a bad person, but so are you, after all you're hear reading this stuff when you could be doing some good on the Internet or better yet in real life. Yeah like that's going to happen.

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As long as there is no CBC coverage and/or it doesn't screw up my Coronation Street viewing I'll be all right with it . . . except for every swinging dick around talking about how 'we' did in this event or that event or whatever. Makes me wonder how they can be back at work after lunch after spending the morning rocketing down the luge track and collecting an aluminum (or aluminium?) medal for coming in Nth place.

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That's enough preaching for now . . . how about something frightening that might make you rethink Winnipeg being one great city.

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And oh yeah, just so you know David Bowie is very disappointed in you. Shape up, eh?

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Until next time.

Hey, down in front!

Every feel like you don't have time to watch all the movies you'd like to see? Well as long as you're only concerned about films released in 2009 and have 7 minutes to spare, you're in luck. Here they are in all their edited down and distilled greatness.

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Or maybe you're not into quality and prefer your film with a healthy dose of cheese . . . we'll I've got you covered yet again, thanks to the YouTubes here are the 100 Cheesiest Movie Lines of All Time (admittedly I recognised several of these films . . . and enjoyed some of them a lot too) . . . according to some guy who has the time on his hands to watch the movies, collect the scenes, edit them down and post them to YouTube.

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Maybe cheese in film isn't your bag either, and prefer fast paced sometimes awkward lengthy dialog littered with pop culture references and splashed with more than just a little bit of the ultra violence. In that case the Tarantino Film Reference Manual might be something you'd find interesting and/or amusing.

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But then again, perhaps you're just interested in what's new and exciting. Well I don't know about you but I think that the film MacGruber looks like it's full of win. You can check out the red band trailer here if you're so inclined.

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Although maybe you're into documentaries or monkeys . . . or documentaries made by monkeys. If so you're in luck . . . well sure okay they're chimps not monkeys, but they were given cameras and the footage they shot was put together and is being aired on the BBC. There's more info (and more importantly a clip of the chimp directed/shot footage) here and after watching this and Transformers and Transformers 2 I think that Michael Bay went to the same film school as they did.

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No word on whether or not the chimps used to shoot softcore porn though. But you know if I hear of any I'll pass it along.

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Until next time.

Someone really likes tug of war

Oh you know I totally submitted this link to Awkward Boners.

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Here's to you gets overly excited while wearing track pants to a charity event constable guy.

Duck . . . it's what's for dinner

I've cleaned fish with smaller fish in their stomachs before but if there was a cake this took it.

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After seeing these pictures (not my pics or fish) you may want to reconsider what you dangle into the water where. I mean sure that duck's not a big one, but it's no little fuzzy duckling and if that jackfish will swallow something that size be careful.
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And here you thought it was safe to go back into the water.

What do you do with old bumper cars?

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You just had to know it'd be a fat guy driving one didn't you?