The Force is Strong in This One

Seems that George Lucas has a daughter who is an MMA fighter and she made her MMA debut in Auckland on the weekend. You can read all about it here if you're interested, or like me you're just surprised that George Lucas has kids, for some reason I just never thought about him married with kids, driving a golf cart around the Skywalker Ranch in an Ewok costume yes, fathering his own younglings no. Go figure.

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In movie news, last night there was some discussion of upcoming movie sequels, and here's a list of 30 upcoming sequels that you maybe didn't know were in the works, and some that you'll ask why they're in the works.

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But don't worry I've got the cure for that disappointing bit up there, with a list from Rotten Tomatoes of 20 movie sequels we'd like to see, and it's a good list let me tell you. I know personally I'd like to see most of the films on that list.

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From sequels we'd like to see to sequels that are better than the original film. And I have to say that I almost completely agree with this list, and that's just because I haven't seen the Godfather films. Yeah it's true, you heard it here first.

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While we're on the subject of movie sequels, how about a review of one currently in theatres by my favourite critic of all time, the Filthy Critic. If you liked that one do check out his archives to see what Filthy thought about your favourite movies.

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From geek cinema to amazing talents, check out this video of some sort of crazy construction worker foreplay - a man undressing a lady with a piece of heavy equipment. It's pretty amazing, it's not rocket fast, but he gets it done, and manages to not bash in her head in the process. And to think I struggle with bra straps using my hands.

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Maybe you struggle with such devices as well - well all you need is more practice and maybe you can do that through some online dating, but you may want to avoid Cracked's 5 most ill-advised dating sites on the web. Oh and here's another one you may want to avoid, unless you're looking for a little chuckle. In case you're more serious about on line dating, I had someone recommend Plenty Of Fish to me, apparently it worked great for them. I haven't tried it, don't know if I will either, but I can't say I won't. Who knows, only my hair dresser that's who . . . and well that's me I guess.

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Maybe the online dating isn't working for you and perhaps you're ready to jump right into the mail order bride market, so here are the 6 creepiest mail order bride sites online, once again according to Cracked. If those sites don't do it for you and you're serious about mail ordering a bride there are other options out there . . . some of them right here in my home town.

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Now it's time to plan your wedding, and well if you've got blue eyes, you may have to buy more invitations. Seems that a Danish researcher has discovered that every blue eyed person out there has descended from just one common ancestor 6, 000 - 10, 000 years ago. You can read more about it here if you're interested. That is if you can get over the fact that the nice girl with blue eyes that you were making out with was actually your cousin. Sicko.

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So now you've got your mail order bride, but you're not sure how she's doing, well fret no longer, you can see how she scores and stacks up with this rate your wife test from the 1930's. Oh the times they are a changing.

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I think I'm about out of steam now, so I'll sign off with a question, do you think I can get away with this at any of the weddings I've got coming up?

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Well that's here for now.

Touch the pretty, pet the kitty

Sounds dirty don't it? But it's not . . . well not really it's just one of Kiko's lyrics from the latest Gorgeous Tiny Chicken Machine Show episode. If you liked that one there are ten other episodes for you to watch (if you don't want to watch thru the official website I think all the other episodes are on the YouTubes), and if you didn't like it, first off what's wrong with you and secondly you probably won't like the other ten.

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I've already sent this link for two alternate endings to the series (or was it season?) finale of Lost to a few of my friends who watch. I still haven't watched the videos at this link so I have no idea if it's legit or not, and I've still never seen an episode of the show (so I assume it's a remake of Lost in Space, but this time they're in Hawaii and everyone gets DUI's) so why start with alternate endings? And I'm sure I'll start watching some day when Bravo or A&E are re-running the shit out of it like it's Law & Order or something, but I don't think it's something that you can step into at the end of the 3rd season, or at least that's what people are telling me.

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And for the few of my geek brethren that I didn't already email this to, check out this link for a 1940's era picture of the Minutemen from the upcoming Watchmen film, scheduled for a March 2009 release. I don't know about you but I'm eagerly awaiting the release of this film and have high hopes for based on how good Alan Moore's source material was and the few promo pictures and articles I've seen online.

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Let's hope I'm not disappointed with the transfer from pulp to celluloid like I was with the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Trust me the graphic novel is much better than the film. Read it, you'll like it. Well you will if you like the same kind of stuff that I do, and since you keep coming back here, I can only assume that's true.

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But that's enough geekery for now, don't you think? Especially when it's all stuff that I've emailed to people already . . . okay so I'm also cyber lazy . . . cut, paste, publish . . . . but here's a rather interesting photo of a Nevada above ground atom bomb test lighting up the sky in Los Angeles. You can find eight other photos, courtesy of the LA Public Library, here along with descriptions of the photos. All glory to the power of the atom.

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Since we're in the depths of BBQ season, I'd like to give you this link and ask the question, why has it taken so long to come up with an idea so damned obvious?

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Well because I know we're all fans of 80's pop hits and breasts, here's a video for 99 Words for Boobs, which I don't think I have to tell you is a parody of 99 Luftballons . . . and in case you don't sprechen ze Duetsch here it is in English compwete wif Elmwer Fwudd style lisp.

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Hey how's this for some sweet, sweet irony? According to this article after all their fighting and prosecuting and trying to stop music piracy, seems that Sony BMG record label has been accused of using pirated software by French company PointDev.

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And in case there are any of you out there who are having difficulty ending things with your not-so-special anymore lady, check out this video that breaks down how to break up with your girlfriend in 64 easy steps. Apparently there are 5.33333333 . . . . times the steps to ending a relationship with a person than with booze. Whodda thunk it.

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And today I'll leave you with photographic proof that the end is near. Repent sinners, the reckoning is close at hand.

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Remember, everyone's a Captain Kirk?

Don't Read These Books

According to the conservative Human Events, these are the ten most harmful books of the 19th and 20th centuries. I guess I'm not so subversive because I've only read passages from one of these books for a class in my short but brilliant university career and I didn't think it was that good. The book not uni . . . well maybe both because I did drop out of uni after all.

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Now according to the Guardian (and who are they when they're at home?) these are the 100 greatest novels of all time. It may come as a surprise to you, but I've only read seven of the books on this list - and I haven't read The Catcher in the Rye, To Kill A Mockingbird or Catch 22 all of which seem to be books that just about everyone else can't get out of high school without reading - and I swear I graduated high school . . . just don't ask me where my diploma is at.

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Since we're in the countdown/list mode, how's about The 100 Worst Album Covers Ever? I actually five of the records on that list . . . can you guess which ones? And I don't know about you, but I'm not too surprised to see the Scorpions up there as much as they are, I mean really take a look for yourself. I guess now you know they aren't all winds of change and rocking you like a hurricane, eh?

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Why stop the countdown now - let's check out the 100 Most Daring Movies Ever Made, shall we? This is my best go yet, I've seen 28 of the films on this list . . . huh maybe I should get outside sometime eh?

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From the 100 most daring films to the ten best films you've never seen and I have to admit I've only seen one of the films on this list and it was great. You should totally check it out. In one of my English classes in high school (OAC Writer's Craft to be exact) we were supposed to read the play or novel or novella that the film was based on and no one in the class did . . . for some reason the teacher got very mad and then dropped that from the course. Maybe it was to punish us . . . surely making us write a test on a book we never read would have been even more punishment, but who am I to argue?

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And I'll sign off today with one that will appeal to the kids out there like me who watched too much cartoons and still do, The Cobra Island Rave, a fine little sketch where He-Man, Lion-O and the gang arrive at the Cobra Island Rave where He-Man sets his sights on hooking up with Cheetara.

And you thought Evel Kneivel was good

But he's got nothing on these dudes from the Spanish village of Castrillo, who every year dress up as a character representing the devil and jump of groups of babies in order to keep the devil away as part of the Catholic feast of Corpus Christi. Now that's a way to get people to go to Church, have some midgets wrestling or driving a in a tiny car, some strippers and maybe free wifi access and I might even show up. You can read slightly more about it here if you like.

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I don't know if has any baby jumping goodness but YouTomb is a research project by MIT Free Culture that tracks videos taken down from YouTube for alleged copyright violation. I've looked at the site a couple of times now and it seems like it's constantly being added to, so there must be an army of people on the YouTubes plucking these files off it . . . or there's a piece of software that does it. But if the show How It's Made (or alternately) has taught me anything it's that things aren't as automated as I think they are.

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Have you seen the Iron Man movie yet? If not, why not? I finally got to see it on Friday and man it's chock full of awesome, very close to the comic book story line, my one. albeit slight, fault is that I would have liked to have seen more of the jerky Tony Stark, but that's me. In the flavour of Iron Man, how about some art depicting some super heroes & villains in old age?

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From the I had no idea, or if I did I forgot I did, files there is a movie adaptation of Clive Barker's short story The Midnight Meat Train scheduled for an August 1, 2008 release. The short story was originally featured in the six volume collection of short stories entitled The Books of Blood and is a very good read. These stories were my introduction to Barker's writing early in high school and I've been a fan ever since. You've probably seen some of his stories turned into questionable movies already so I'm not hoping for a lot from this one, but I would recommend checking out some of his writings if you like horror and the fantastic.

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Well so long for now, and remember I'm not a gardener, I just like hos.

I need a back-e-out-ta-mee

I don't know to spell that one right but my back is killing me, I'm walking like a 90 year old man who shit himself and am thinking about trying to find some Asian women to walk on my back, yeah walk on my back that's the ticket, either that or hammer down some more painkillers. And you wanna know how I did it?

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You'll be completely unmazed when you read this, but I did it in a coughing fit yesterday, doubled over and twitched something the wrong way and ta-dah, instant gimp.

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No matter, here's to hoping it passes quickly . . . but now onto the real reason why you all have come here, the not quite news and bemusing linkitude.

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So we'll start with something local, no doubt if you're from Sioux Lookout you've already seen this, watched it live or I already emailed this link to you, but check here for a video of the last wall of Gertie's store being knocked down last week. For those of you not familiar with the your Sioux Lookout lore Gertie ran the local candy store and was probably blessed as being one of the few old spinsters, who were always old spinsters, who didn't like kids who were lucky enough to run candy stores.

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Unfortunately after Gertie died a nephew of hers tried to make a go of the store, but with Gertie things didn't seem to go so well, and after a fire shut the business a year ago? More? I dunno. No matter it was just a matter of time before the wrecking ball, or in this case excavator, levelled the place. Interesting bit of trivia, the store just looked like a house from the outside and in my lifetime never had a sign on it. You just knew it was Gertie's store, and that you couldn't touch the candy yourself, open the coolers to browse around and you had to buy at least $1 worth of the loose Nutty Club candy.

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I often wonder without Gertie's shop in business where the Nutty Club is selling their gear now.

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The local GM dealer has apparently purchased the property in order to extend their empire.

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Well that's enough local reminicsing don't you think? Especially if you're not from here. . . now let's piss and moan about the local weather . . . it's snowing, again, and I can see white on the ground . . . this is seven shades of bullshit and if things don't smarten up soon I'm going to have to learn to start like sangria and paella because I'll have to move to Spain or something to get away from this bullshit.

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Nah who am I kidding, I ain't going anywhere . . . least not right now.

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Okay that was still pretty local wasn't it? How about these pictures showing our planet surrounded by all the various bits of space junk that are spinning around at hundreds of miles an hour right above our heads? Pretty cool eh? I don't know if they're real or photoshops or what, but they're still cool. And it's better than me pissing and moaning about my back or the weather.

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If you thought that was a horrible sin, then this is for you, according to this article BMW has developed an engine that's exhaust is 'cleaner' than the ambient air going into the engine to be burnt. Now I guess depending on where that air is being taken from that could be a big deal.

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And in the world of entertainment it seems that according to this Billboard article all varieties of musicians and other celebs are going to be paying tribute to the one the only Mr. Lemmy Kilmister and telling the story of his life and career in an upcoming documentary titled Lemmy. I wonder when they're going to get around to talking to me since it was at Motorhead's April 2005 show at the Walker Theatre in Winnipeg that I got my tinnitus. Although I'm sure there's a million people with that story to tell.

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There's a teaser clip up of the documentary online here if you're interested and I know you are because everyone loves Motorhead and Lemmy, it's science.

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Well that's enough for now, I'm outta here.

Did you know?

No? Well then you better click here to find out . . . and it's gotta be true, it's on the interwebs . . . right?

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But maybe you did know, but sometimes you wonder how to. No need to worry any more, check out this website with loads of how to videos, including how to build a birdhouse, how to cook a salmon Caesar salad on your car's engine, how to pick locks or how to make the perfect margarita.

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I still think that best margarita I've had was at the Taco N Tequila restaurant in Niagara Falls, and I'm sure it helped that it was the size of fish bowl. Damned good burritos too. Good times.

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Now that we're learned, fed and watered, how's about some science? According the scientist in this article we should prepare for an upcoming ice age. Sure I can believe it, I don't know about you, but we've a shit spring here so far. My furnace is still cutting in at night, and at $1.10 a litre for heating fuel you know I'm lovin' it. If only the oil man would at least kiss me first.

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Fuck I miss global warming already.

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But that's enough science don't you think? Now I think it's time for jack-assery. Check out this great website, it's Tony Hawks (a British model) responding to emails he gets from all over the world from fans of pro skateboarder Tony Hawk. Man is this guy good, definitely worth wasting some time reading through them. Check out #14, I haven't read them all but so far it's a favourite.

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And I hope to Jebus that most skateboarding people are at least slightly more literate than the ones who emailed the wrong guy . . . although I think the fact that they couldn't tell these two apart makes for a special kind of person to begin with, so I guess I should be cutting them some slack.

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I know it's not Caturday, but hey how about some quality kitty links . . . like cats who look like Hitler? Don't step out of line or they'll send you to Meowschwitz. Okay maybe that was to much in bad taste, so how about some cats that look like Wilfred Brimley? Okay so only one of the five really looks like him, but it's still a funny idea. I mean better than men who look like Kenny Rogers, right?

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And I'll leave today with a great little video of Hitler getting a new motorcycle. Should be especially amusing for the BMW fans out there.

Great News Everyone

It seems that the latest direct to DVD Futurama movie, The Beast with a Billion Backs, which is scheduled for a late June release has already been leaked on line. I have no idea where to find it, or what to do with it, but you might seeing as how you're so interweb savvy and what not. If it's anything like the first Futurama DVD movie release, Bender's Big Score, this should be a great watch and more than true to the series, but it would be nice if it had fewer shots at the FOX Network.

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Now this isn't really entertainment related news, but it is entertaining. I know I've already shared this link with a number of people, but I have to make sure it gets flogged, check out the awesome gear all sporting the metal salute. I'm thinking about the BBQ apron myself. How about you?

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From the edge of metal to the edge of reason, scientists, or a scientist anyway, can only guess, but check out this article about a gecko finding its way into an unhatched chicken egg. Can you imagine the horror of the experience? To actually have something crawl up your ass and die? I mean to smell like that's happened is one thing, but for it to actually happen, that's a whole other matter.

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Personally the only reason I can think of for something like this is witchcraft. I say we throw the egg, gecko, bird it came from, guy who found it and the farmer who produced it into a lake and if they float we burn them for being witches and if they sink and drown we can sleep safe at night knowing that our Australian eggs aren't being witched right under noses . . . on the other side of the planet.

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But enough of the eggs, looks like you could use something sweet, so how about a nice how to on making your very own deep fried Mars bar just like every gourmet restaurant and chippy in Scotland? Yeah you know you want to, so here it is. Enjoy.

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And if that wasn't enough sugary goodness for you, how about testing your chocolate bar, well they said candy bar on the site but they're from the US and they talk funny, eh, identification skills over here.

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Remember Almond Joy's got nuts, Mounds don't.

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Now that we've had our afters, how about some insightful conversation and debate? Yeah I thought so . . . how about we just have a laugh at how we used to be then? Like check out this link for the things that an employer should look for when hiring a woman, in 1943.

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I guess it's safe to say that we, and you've, come a long way baby. Don't forget, you can do it.

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And finally how's about a look at how things were going to be in the year 2000 from the perspective of someone who watched too much sci-fi in 1961. Although the article's author was way off in some respects (where's my hover car damnit? screw that I'll settle for gasoline under $1.00 a litre . . . remember those days?) but some of the ideas/predictions in the article have some ring of truth to them. And I'm sure they did a better job of predicting than I would do for how things will be in 39 years, well except to say that things will cost a whole lot more, everyone will complain about taxes being too high and should be lower and that government doesn't do enough and should increase spending (how do you do both I wonder?), scientists will be predicting climate change, global warming and running out of oil. But by that time oil will be so expensive only Saudi Sheiks and six richest Kings of Europe will be able to afford it.

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Well I gotta go, time to pour my Bacon Vodka into a nice bottle, it should be ready now.

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Later.

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PS - Happy 56th Birthday Mr. T, I know you ain't got no time for the jibba-jabba, but hopefully you've got time for cake and pin the tail on the donkey.

Yo Joe!

I don't know about you but I'm looking forward to, and dreading, fighting for freedom where ever there's trouble at the August 7, 2009 release of the new GI Joe live action flick. Seeing some of the productions still from this link here have put the dread into me . . . the excitement is based on watching the cartoons that aired when I were but a wee lad . . . well okay I was never small but I was young once.

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I mean come on, where's Destro's metallic mask? The Baroness' cobra symbol? Why is everyone wearing black rubbery body armour? Why is there a Wayans (admittedly he was really good in Requiem for a Dream and The Ladykillers, but totally shit the bed in the D&D movie) in it? I mean no one really seems to look like their two or cartoon/comic characters, except for Storm Shadow. As is often the cry of geeks throughout the basements of the world, it's already been done, you have tons of source material, and you still manage to fuck it up? Read a comic, watch a cartoon for Christ's sake.

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I have to admit that Dennis Quaid does look good as General Hawk though.

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But that's enough classic geekery for a bit eh? How about some that might be more of a musical nature? Like a Lego recreation of Motorhead playing Ace of Spades, complete with audience? Now that's cool. There are many more Lego based videos on YouTube that you might want to check out if that one tickled your fancy, and we all know how you like to have your fancy tickled.

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But maybe you don't think you're a geek, but you aren't sure if you're a hipster or not? Well fear not, worry no longer and rest your mind at ease, check out this article that will quickly answer the age old question "Am I a Hipster?". Sadly I according to one point in that write up, I am, or at least stand a good chance at being a Hipster. Guess I better start popping my collar like a total douchebag then, eh?

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Well that's enough for now, but I will leave you with the 7 minute plus video of the circle of life in action, an eagle dragging a little goat off a cliff. I hope your attention span is longer than mine because I was fast forwarding and still couldn't get to the end.

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Enjoy!

Piss. Moan. Repeat.

So on the weekend I went to Winnipeg to see this year's incarnation of the Gigantour headlined by Megadeth (check out the shitty video above from the show) with In Flames, Children of Bodom, High on Fire & Job for a Cowboy (we missed the last two on the list, pretty much on purpose).

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But that's not what I'm here to piss and moan about today, it's the venue. The show was good, hell great – but the Convention Centre is a shit venue IMHO . . . there was only one way into the hall that the concert was in (yesterday Power 97 DJ Jim Jones said that he had heard that there was something else going on in the Convention Centre and that's why they had limit the access for the metal kids), and at least a couple thousand people, I don't know numbers but it was a sell out, and to my surprise and amazement we had to go through metal detectors. That's right metal detectors. First time I've ever had to go through metal detectors for a concert.

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Is that standard operating procedure at the Convention Centre? At metal shows? In Winnipeg? Anywhere? Tell me? I want to know. And not only did it seem unnecessary to me, it was such a poor set up.

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There were only two metal detectors, I have no idea how many people but I’d guess a couple thousand, a twenty line up to get in, 20 minute line ups for water, no ‘check’ system for items that couldn’t make it through the metal detectors (like the chain on my wallet). But I told the lady that I was just going to put it back to my hotel room and started walking away and my partner in crime/metal suggested I just put it in my pocket, and I did that was good enough, too many people for her to pay attention to anything and anyone I suppose. Which was surprising because I can't remember being at a show with as high a concentration of security people as this one had.
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All this seemed over the top to me, and I think I’m a reasonable metal fan in my early 30’s. I honestly haven’t been to a concert in the Convention Centre since I saw Megadeth there when they were touring for on the Symphony of Destruction tour, in what ’92 or ’93? But after this weekend I’d have to think long and hard about going back for another one (to top all this off the sound in the Convention Centre is horrible, and Dave Mustaine even apologized to the crowd for that on stage). But what does one fed up metal fan mean to the Convention Centre. Probably not much, not when there’s 1500 kids getting dropped off by the mini-van load with too much money and loads of angst to work through.

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And it seems I'm not the only person who felt this way; the Winnipeg Free Press reviewer gave the show a rating of 5 out of 5 and the venue a 0 out of 5 (says a lot don't it?) and the Winnipeg Sun Reviewer gave the show a 4 out of 5.

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But there were highlights to the show as well, and I don't just mean all the hot little metal girls running around the show (where were they when I was in high school? Maybe they were out there, I guess I was too busy reading sci-fi and playing D & D in basements), the three bands we saw were great.

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Children of Bodom were every bit as good as they were when I saw them with Slayer a couple years ago at the MTS Centre . . . and I think even they were surprised with the number of closet Journey fans in the crowd as they started to, I'd say jokingly, play Don't Stop Believin' and the whole crowd started to sing along. Now that's fucking metal.

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I was pleased to finally get to see Gothenburg Metal band In Flames play and I think they tore shit up and said they were planning to be touring Canada again in November. I think I could easily stand to see them headline their own show.

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Another touching moment was during the tear down/set up between the In Flames & Megadeth sets Iron Maiden's Run to the Hills was playing over the sound system and once again the whole crowd broke out into song. That was awesome, and I'd say a little more expected than the Journey karaoke from earlier in the evening. And it made me really excited for seeing Maiden in Winnipeg on June 9th. That is going to rule. And I've got a sweet new hat to wear to the show.

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And hell Megadeth were great, even if the only original member left is Dave Mustaine, but really he's what matters. They played a great set with a really good mix of new and old songs, and it seems that to my suprise they are still gaining fans, as evident by the kids trying to grow their first metal mustaches and trying to act hard in the hall and they have held onto to fans for a long time, as evident by the grey beard next to me for most of the Megadeth set who was rocking out.

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Yep at this show I think I can say I saw myself in 10 years and in 20 years . . . long live metal.

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Until next time.

Oh the Humanity!

In case you didn't know today is the 71st anniversary of the German zeppelin the Hindenberg exploding into a huge ball of flame at Lakehurst, New Jersey (is it just me or does it seem kinda strange that they refer to themselves as "The Airship Capitol of the World"?), leaving 36 dead and others seriously burned. Officially the cause of the explosion was listed as "St. Elmo's Fire," although it likely had something to do with the flammable silver paint that it was finished with and the fact it was filled with Hydrogen.

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Although the Mythbusters tested the flammable paint theory on an episode of their show and they busted that myth, but that's not to say they're the be all and end all of all things Hindenbergy.

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I'm not sure if you can say it's luck or not but there were news camera there that captured the whole the whole for all time, there are several different versions on YouTube, here's the first one that came up when I searched.

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No doubt this was a nail in the coffin of heavier than air flight . . . although I did work with a guy several years ago who thought that they'd be perfect for hauling freight and construction materials into remote locations. I'm not going to say he was wrong, but I am going to say that he wasn't right.

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But enough of that for now - here's some good news for those amongst us who are fans of duct tape, Swiss army knives and mullets - according to this article there's a big budget MacGyver movie in the works. Which only leaves two questions, will Richard Dean Anderson reprise the role that made him famous (aka one of the only two roles anyone remembers him playing) and will he grow back that sweet mullet?

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Speaking of sweet celebrity mullets, how's about this slideshow of the 15 awesomest celebrity mullets ever . . . okay so the #1 spot is a kinda obvious, but really can you think of a better one?

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Last night there was the usual Monday night meeting of some of the finest geek minds available and one of the items that came up was whether or not the new Speed Racer movie would suck or not . . . although we are on the fence and aren't sure if it will go one way or the other we're pretty sure that will go one way or the other and it won't be a gentle lean that's for sure.

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What I've seen looks good so far, I mean as far as the actual look and animation and effects, but we'll see if the movie's any good. Here's to hoping it's better than the revamped Speed Racer theme song. Check it out for yourself, I mean the movie footage in the video is cool, and the song starts awesome but after about 9 seconds they turn down the rock and crank the suck way up. Possibly up past 11 if that's even possible. I don't know why they didn't just use the version recorded by Sponge for the Saturday Morning Cartoons' Greatest Hits album released in the late 90's.

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For contrast here's the original cartoon opening sequence. You've heard it all for yourself, tell me I'm wrong. I dares ya!

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Apparently making this film wasn't without tragedy either; seems that lovable Chim Chim grabbed a hold of Christina Ricci's breast during filming and didn't want to let go. Can't say that I blame him though.

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And I will leave today with a public service announcement - whatever you do, DO NOT buy the Master Lock No 5 Padlock, and if you already have some replace them as soon as you can. Watch this video and you'll see why. But hey if you don't swap them out, at least you know what to do if you lose your keys to the shed, or better yet lose your keys to your neighbour's shed. I hear he's got a really nicer mower.

Hogan Knows Best?

A friend of mine emailed me these rather disturbing photos of the Hulkster himself applying sunscreen (well we assume sunscreen) to his daughter Brooke's backside and awfully close to her nether regions. I don't have kids of any shape or size, but something seems a little wrong about that . . . but maybe I just don't get it.

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Since we're sorta talking about wrasslin', have you seen the crying wrestling fan yet? Watch that video it's great, I mean who doesn't want to see a grown man break down during a Q&A session with some pro-wrestling celebs? And in case that short video clip wasn't enough, why not check out the article that the crying wrestling fan wrote about the experience/event or his website.

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And to give credit where credit is due the same guy who sent the Hogan pics also was the first to inform me of the wonders that is the CWF.

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And finally how about some great medical research news - turns out that masturbation may help prevent prostate cancer. Well according to this article it does anyway. So that's great news not only can you wank for peace (check out their propaganda posters, they're great), but for your health as well. That is of course if doesn't make you go blind, insane or give you hairy palms first.

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And since I care so much about your prostate health, here's a deposit for your spank bank, you'll probably have the best return on this investment if you're a geek fanboy, a nice slide show collection of the babes of the NYC Comic-Con.

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All I can say is Giggity.

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Man I swear some day I am going to go to the San Diego Comic-Con. And it will rule. I'd also like to rock out at the Wacken Open Air Festival . . . now that would be an experience of a lifetime. And honestly Rocklahoma would be a good time too . . . but in a riding a moped kinda way, if you know what I mean.

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While we're talking rock, it looks like Lars Ulrich and I finally have something in common, apparently we both want Metallica to release their latest record sooner than later. I wonder if we're both hoping that it's a lot better than their last record too?

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Oh yeah, on more thing - remember, hugs and kisses should make you wanna dance, but they shouldn't be anywhere near your pants.

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PS - it's still real to me, dammit!

Winter's Back?

Check out my local weather forecast . . . and don't forget about the winter storm watch. This is seven shades of bullshit if you ask me . . . but you didn't did you. But come on feel my pain, I just pulled my Camaro out of storage and I've got my bike sitting there begging to be ridden. Oh well it can't last . . . can it?

But enough of the weather, how about something that might be of interest to business travellers? You'd best hope that your company doesn't follow the Deutsche Bank's suit as according to this article (as an added bonus it taught me a new phrase) they've told their executives that they can't claim trips to whore houses and hotel room porno on company expense accounts. All I can say is that I hope that my boss doesn't get any ideas from that article.

It seems that I've got a few more weddings on the horizon, and here I thought I was done with that. I guess I must've made some new friends or something? No matter, I'm just concerned that the receptions just won't be the same now that I've learned none other than Mr. Bob Kames, the creator of the Chicken Dance, has died. He was 82 and I have to say he must've had a good life, or at least made an important and long lasting impact on the world, even if it does usually end up with someone's drunk aunt ending up on her ass with dress all up around her face.

Ahhh good times.

Now this is pretty cool, it's a video that someone cobbled together of Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire" with all of the references in the song illustrated. I'm no fan of the Piano Man, but I've always liked this song, and if you're anything like me you love being able to identify pop culture references in anything, so maybe you'll learn a thing or two watching that vid.

I've got time for one last bit, so I'd like you to meet the Superhero of Singapore, none other than Mr. Batman Bin Suparman. And no I didn't meet him when I was there.

Well that's all we have time for today, so we'll see you next time and help control the unwanted pet population, have your pet spayed or neutered.

Happy Birthday Bettie

If you didn't know today is none other than the Girl With the Perfect Figure, Bettie Page's, 85th birthday. She was born in Nashville in 1923 (wow Bettie's one year older than my Gran) and is attributed with saying "I was never the girl next door", and thank Jebus for that.

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The Notorious Miss Page may be well past her sell by date but she's still a cultural, or at least marketing, phenomenon. Just look at all the gear bearing her likeness you can get from eSell. I wonder if she sees any royalty money from companies using her likeness? I doubt it, but that's how it goes I suppose.

I'm know I've flogged this artist before, but if you're a Bettie Page fan or a fan of pin ups in general, and really who isn't, go check out the art of Olivia.

On a decidedly unsexy note, sorry to spoil the mood here, but yesterday afternoon I came to sobering realization that I cannot discuss municipal affairs any more. It just makes me mad, and I don't mean the kind of ranting that fun to do. More like the we're proper fucked ranting and the people who should be steering the boat are busy drilling holes in the bottom of it instead.

Although . . . apparently at a town council meeting last week for a rather unpopular parking by-law (I won't pretend to know all the details, but it had something to so with businesses having to provide minimum parking spaces and those that didn't have would have to a pay a significant fee to the Municipality or something like that) a local businessman made our Mayor cry. I wasn't there I don't know if it's true or not, just the small town rumour mill you know.

But didn't I say I was going to talk about these things any more? Yeah so onto something completely different . . . I wonder if this would be better or worse than watching midgets fight? Probably worse. But I'd probably still watch. Yeah I'm a bad person.

And one last bit - boo yah - last night I said I was going to check my YouTubes for Hulk Hogan's Rock N Wrestling and there it is. Sooooo good . . . . sooooooooo-oh bad.

Survey Says . . .

If you're a Sioux Lookouter I urge you to fill out the Sioux Lookout Downtown Revitalization - Resident Survey. Thank the Willow for providing me the link, because I wasn't smart enough to find it on my own. I've been flogging this thing all over the place, but if the town wants real feedback I want them to get it. I mean we all have beefs with how things are done at least this one way to make your voice heard, right? But then I guess it's up to the town itself whether or not it gets to count.

That's enough of real world things and stuffs, how about something chock full of awesome? I'm sure that the Homestar Runner fans already are well aware of this, but how about some live Limozeen! Thanks to the YouTubes. And holy crap! Strongbad is getting his own Wii game, Strongbad's Cool Game for Attractive People. So if you're attractive you're going to want to rush out and get this one.

And now some something with even less realism to it than Strongbad emails, check out this article about Jenna Jameson and whether or not she can make a go of it in mainstream media/entertainment with some good examples of others from the porn industry who've tried with varying degrees of success . . . okay pretty much only one degree of success and that isn't very successful (the only person with success after/outside of porn I can think of is America's Sweetheart Miss Traci Lords, check out her autobiography it's totally worth the read). But good luck lady.

And of course Jenna has a new movie coming out or maybe it's already out starring along side Robert Englund called Zombie Strippers, you can check out the trailer here if you want to . . . and I know you want to. I mean with sweet dialog like,

"They're zombies!"

"They're strippers!"

"They're Zombie Strippers."

And a title like that this one is bound to be a big hit.

With more news on the movie front, looks that Sacha Baron Cohen is dusting off another character from Da Ali G Show, Gay Austrian TV host Bruno, to make another film. Here's a little news coverage of them going to town in Wichita Kansas airport and some nice video of the event.

It seems that Bruno was also able to nail Ben Affleck for an interview for the film. I have to wonder how can he still get away with this, especially after the success he had with the Borat film? No matter it's good to know that I can always count on Mr. Cohen for a little entertainment at the expense of others.

And one last thing before I go - seems like the people over at Disney are trying to make the Hannah Montana thing international, check some of these test screenings, I'm especially fond of Hannitoba Manitoba. Although there didn't seem to be any mention of car thefts or drinking Slurpees in the dead of winter . . . no matter it still made me laugh and excited exclaim "Manitoba!! I been there! I get jokes!"

Or maybe not. All right that's it for now, later.

PS Happy 82nd Birthday Liz.

You're not my father!

So it's been a while again eh? Well I at least have a couple of good excuses for my absence lately:

1. I gotta put miles on my bike
2. Was out of town for work
3. Am lazy.

So far the bike is good, thanks for asking. Where was I, man you're nosey, but I was in the River City (the city in Canada where you're 334% more likely to have your car stolen than the national average and where it's as likely you'll have your car stolen there as in Detroit, Michigan) to keep up my WETT certification. I also bought a new bike helmet and sampled some Argentinean food (try the Milanesa, Empanadas and Humita). A busy few days.

Anyway that's not why you're here is it . . . so how about some news for Star Wars loving friends, like the leaked trailer for the new Clone Wars animated series. I have to admit it looks pretty cool, let's see how it actually stacks though. It might just be another polished turd lifted off the lawn of Skywalker Ranch like Episodes 1 - 3.

If that's not your thing, how about these Steampunk Star Wars figures. Pretty cool eh? Or at least I think they are; if you think so too you may want to check out a few books by China >Mieville like The Scar or The Iron Council.

Or maybe you're more into customizing action figures to make super action figures? Then this is for you, check out these Star Wars circa WW2 action figure customs. Pretty sweet eh? I don't think I have close to that level of talent or creativity for something like that. But I can tell you some requirements for putting a woodstove in your house.

Perhaps that's not your thing either, and you're a Star Wars geek from way back and are busy raising your very precious little snowflake to follow in your footsteps that you dress up as an ewok or Yoda for conventions and are looking for a way to encourage them in school and the threat of Hayden Christensen coming into their class and killing them all just isn't working, but maybe this will. Seems that a rogue band of teachers has made their own Star Wars film where Math Solo and Princess >Reada encourage kids to do well on upcoming state test.

All I can say is fuckin' geeks.

Well I best be going, so I'll leave you with some classic Manowar. Sadly the video isn't half as awesome, but pretty much just as homo-erotic, as their album covers.

Viva la Redolution!

If you like that one, check out the rest of the new M&M ads over here.

Not really sure what to write about this morning, but I will share this site with you. Check out the Uncyclopedia, it's a site like Wikipedia, but unlike on Wikipedia where occasionally things aren't correct even thing on the Uncyclopedia is supposed to be untrue.

Just check out their entry on Canada, it literally had me laughing out loud. And that was just the intro. But sadly it seems like their Winnipeg page is bone dry, someone should do something about that.

I've got to say I've never really had the urge to travel to Mexico, but this article has me thinking otherwise. I mean who wouldn't like to watch an angry mob of punks and rockabillies (hopefully with a few rockabetties mixed in for good measure) beat the refried beans out a bunch of emo kids . . . well other than Mexican emo kids that is.

And in case you're wondering no I didn't kids from Emo I mean those kids you see at the mall wearing their little sister's jeans with a white belt and sporting Hitler's haircut . . . and we all know who else had Hitler's haircut.

But that's enough of the hatin', how about this for the rock fans out there, looks like the Stone Temple Pilots have announced a 65 date North American tour. They haven't announced all of the dates/cities yet, and so far the only two Canadian shows are in Quebec City, Toronto and Vancouver, but I'm hoping for something in Winnipeg. Although I did see the Stone Temple Pilots play once, they opened for Megadeth at the Winnipeg Convention Centre when Megadeth was touring in support of the Countdown to Extinction album in I dunno late 92 or early 93? Now that was a good time.

Well gotta go, but remember, the bathroom cats is watching you pee.

Never Gonna Give You Up

Seems that nothing is sacred and no icons are safe from the Internet scourge that is the rickroll, not even the Muppets.

I'm sure you're aware that there are whacks of celebrity blogs out there, and well now you can add Darth Vader to the ever expanding list . . . it's all right, but it's no Chad Vader that's for sure. Since we're talking Star Wars, how about a sweet documentary about the love hate relationship that fans have Mr. Lucas aptly titled The People vs. George Lucas. Here's the film's official website if you're interested, and unless you have an asthma inhaler, pocket protector, taped glasses, many multi sided dice and spend a lot of time in basements you probably aren't. But most of my friends will be clicking the link.

Like the guys in the movie Fanboys that will hopefully some day be released. If you haven't heard of this movie yet you're probably a cool kid who gets out and has a lot of friends and spends very little 'pwning noobs' in the interwebs, but it's about a group of friends who try to sneak into Skywalker Ranch to steal an early copy of Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace to fulfill a friend's dying wish. Here's the trailer, check it out yo. Don't hold your breath, this movie was supposed to come out last year and the year before that.

Personally I think that George Lucas isn't much of a movie maker, but he's a god damned marketing genius.

AAAAAhhhhh, come on fuckin' guy!

What does it cost you to flush your toilet?

I'm wondering because the water rates in my lovely municipality are going to be going up considerably over the next two years to address the requirements of Ontario Bill 175 the Sustainable Water & Sewage Systems Act, and I'm curious if it's in line with other Municipalities in the area, and everywhere else, are paying.

I would assume it's standard operating procedure, but presently we have a minimum monthly charge for the sewer and water service of $64.11 per billing (not per month per billing, no guarantee that your water meter will be read on the first of every month or every 30 days) and for this minimum we are presently allowed up to 18 cubic meters (18000 litres or about 4762 US gallons or about 3965 Imperial gallons) of water, but as of June 1st our minimum charge will be lower to $64.10 per billing. Oh an in case your wondering I'm pretty sure that our water bills show consumption in gallons, probably US gallons, but I'm not positive of that. Something to check into.

Sounds good doesn't it? Well as they say on the informercials, but wait there's more. You see the amount of water that we will be allowed for the minimum rate is being cut to 12 cubic metres (12000 litres or about 3175 US gallons or about 2643 Imperial gallons), so you see we'll be getting 2/3's the water for the same price. What a deal, nearly 1.5 times the present water & sewer minimum charge, provided you don't go over the cap that is.

But like any good sales pitch of course there's more; in 2009 the minimum rate will climb to $80.77, nearly 1.89 times the present minimum charge, still for 2/3's the water, and in 2010 the minimum charge will shoot up over $100 to $101.37 per billing for about 2.37 times the present minimum charge.

And the municipality's CAO actually had the nerve to say that if residents consciously make and effort to use less water it will be cheaper in March 26 edition of the local paper. How? I guess if I can invest the 1 cent that I can potentially save each month if I can reduce my water usage from my last year's average of 3263.33 per billing, I can use that money to help offset the jump in rates that's coming.

Ah now I'm pissed off about this all over again . . . but maybe some others will be now to . . . but then of course I'm sure that's still a fraction of what people in Arizona pay for water and sewer services, but that's a desert. My town is situated on the shores of a lake, that is connected to other lakes that is surrounded by lakes.

Ah what the hell, just one of the finer points of living in Sioux Lookout, like $1.10 a litre for heating oil or $1.28 a litre for regular gasoline (most expensive listed at OntarioGasPrices.com).

But hey enough whinging for now, eh? Let's leave on a high note, like this picture that easily combines of two of the greatest things ever invented . . . or maybe it's three depending on how you want to count it.

Hopefully next time there'll be less pissing and moaning and more not quite news and infotainment for you.

Later.

She's Got the Way to Move Me

You'll notice the video I put up today is something that is more than a little out of place for what I'm normally rocking, but the other day I really thought I needed to listen to some Neil Diamond, I don't know . . . misplaced romanticism maybe? No matter, he's got a few songs that I enjoy, but I have to admit I prefer Urge Overkill's cover of Girl You'll Be A Woman Soon featured in the film Pulp Fiction.

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I brought my bike home yesterday, it's licensed and insured and so am I . . . now all I need is a helmet and the snow to melt so I can practice driving it around, seeing as I only stalled it out about 5 times driving it around the car park at the dealership yesterday. Should be fun.

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In other unrelated news, we've got floor tickets to see Iron Maiden in Winnipeg on June 9 as part of their Somewhere Back in Time Tour. The tour's wikipedia page says that all 15, 015 tickets are sold for the show and I can't find tickets on the Ticketmaster website. I can't wait to see this one, it's going to be a great show and the crowd is going to be awesome.

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If you're a geek who's at all worth his salt you'll know that there's a movie adaptation of Alan Moore's graphic novel Watchmen in the works. Well this is a little different, seems that an artist ran with the idea what if Charles Schulz created the Watchmen? And this is what he came up with. If you aren't already familiar with the book that won't mean much to you . . . and all I can say to that is that you should go out and read the book.

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And while we're geeking it up, new episodes of BSG are going to be starting this Friday on Space at 9:00 PM Central time with a couple half hour shows about the show airing prior to that starting at 8:00 PM. All I can say is about damned time . . . and who's the fifth Cylon? Needless to say I'm looking forward to this even if it's the last season of the series, but there's supposed to be a 2 hour TV movie prequel in the works called Caprica, so maybe that will spin into a new series like BSG did. Here's to hoping.

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While we're in the BSG vein, I have to admit that this news makes the fan boy in me sad. Ah well no matter I'm sure that Katee Sackhoff might not be playing Starbuck again, but she'll be at comic-con and sci-fi cons signing autographs and being stared at by a whole host of basement dwellers.

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I think I'll sign off now, I got shit to do eh, but since BBQ season is fast approaching here are some beef basics from the good folks over at All Recipes. I don't know about you, but I can't wait to fire up Propane Elaine and put the heat to the meat.