Geeks of the World Unite

Well okay maybe not the world, but how about northwestern Ontario, Manitoba and the Skatch? The Manitoba Comicon is only a few months away now, I didn't get to go last year (I went to South East Asia instead) but some friends did, and this year looks even bigger and better . . . and chock full of celebs, with the likes of Lou Ferrigno (fresh off a sweet cameo in the latest Incredible Hulk film), Supergirl (I wonder if she still looks like this?) and Boomer from the original Battlestar Galactica.

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I think I'll part with the $20 for the autograph and photo with Lou Ferrigno, for some reason that totally seems worth it.

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I'm planning to hit this up, better start saving now so I can afford the gas to get there and back eh? Should be sweet, and who knows maybe there'll be some good costumes to check out. And someday I will hit the mother of all cons - the San Diego Comic-con, now that'd be sweet. Imagine a building full of people where I'd be one of the coolest ones there?

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I'm running behind so this is going to have to be cut short today, but you've gotta check out the Retarded Policeman videos on Youtube. There are several videos up there, and I have to see each one I watched was literally laugh out loud funny, but this one was a favourite. So far they've all been gold, but maybe I'm only laughing because I'm a bad person . . . well how about a little from column A, a little from column B.

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You may recall me pissing and moaning a while ago about the water rates in my town skyrocketing, well I've gotten my first bill under the new regime and it's gone up about $12.00 for the month, sure that's not a ton, another 40 cents a day . . . but it's an almost 19% increase. And there's only two people in this house . . . I'd hate to be family man right now . . . well at anytime really, but that's whole different matter.

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And here I thought the town CAO said that we'd save money under this new scheme? Looks like he was confused and I was right . . . again. And in case you're wondering, no it doesn't get old.

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Well that it's for now - enjoy some more Retarded Policeman and see you next time.

Gimme a hell, Gimme a yeah

I don't know if you've heard this song yet, but I'm sure you have it's been getting a lot of play on Power 97 lately. Personally I think with a title like that and some of the hooks it's got going on it should be a whole lot more kick ass than what it is. It seems like a good part of the song is pretty rocking, then they go and crank the suck up, way up.

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It's like it's Rev Theory's failed attempt at writing an Andrew W. K. song or something. Again just one man's theory here, but since you're here reading it you must put some stock into it. Or your hoping for a link with some boobies in it.

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How about a great departure from rock, to something that those of you who are still regular Sesame Street viewers have already seen, but was new to me, it's Feist on Sesame Street telling us all how she loves counting to four, in song.

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Feist isn't my usual taste in music but there's something about her voice and writing that appeals to me. Can't explain it, won't explain it, all I can say is I don't know music but I know what I like.

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I have to say I've had a pretty underwhelming response to my latest video challenge, but I think that this would have been a good offering . . . although I'm not sure that it technically counts as a cover since they're quite obviously lip-syncing. No matter it's still chock full of awesome, and proof that there are people with more time to waste than yours truly.

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But enough of the rock and ranting, this Andy Dick mugshot is easily one of the best celeb mugshots I've seen since Nick Nolte's. Seems that Mr. Dick had to learn the hard way what so many of us just know, you can't be disrobing teenaged girls without their permission, especially when you've got a pocketful of pot. Well knowing Andy Dick he didn't learn a god damned thing. Everyone loves a celebrity train wreck don't they?

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You know what this post needs? Some minor geekery; so here goes. Seems that Barbie doll modelled on the DC comic character Black Canary is drawing some fire from critics for its bondage-y imagery (but then again what doesn't these days? You can't even swing a cat around by its tail or take a baby for a ride in the back of half ton without someone pissing and moaning about it) and it's not even released until September. You can read some more about it here if you like.

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I don't know what the big deal is with this, I really doubt that there are going to be too many little girls clamouring for this one, it's made for the fan boys and collectors to put up on their shelves; like the Dana Scully Barbie & Fox Mulder Ken that was made.

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While we're talking Barbie, how about this artwork (I don't know what else to call it) made up of 32,000 Barbie doll. I'm sure the artist is trying to make some kinda statement with the art, but if you have to explain it, are you really making the statement? It's like having to explain a joke, it's not funny if you have to tell someone why it's funny. But that is of course just mine opinion.

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Well that's her for now, and remember when it's time to party we party hard.

Who Watches the Watchmen?

At long last there is a trailer online for the film adaptation of Alan Moore's graphic novel Watchmen and it's flat out awesome. The trailer looks great, some of the scenes from trailer look exactly like pages from the book and the costumes I've seen pictures of or in the trailer look pretty accurate too.

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Like this photo from the film that could be the book come to life. Needless to say, I've got high hopes for this film and can't wait to see it, but sadly I have to as it's not released until next March. In the mean time I can keep rewatching the trailer, checking out the movie site and looking at its IMDB page.

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In case the trailer and site aren't enough to get you excited for this movie, maybe checking out this movie set preview from the folks over at CHUD will. And if that doesn't check your pulse 'cause brother you're probably the walking dead.

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In case you aren't familiar with Alan Moore his graphic novels V for Vendetta and From Hell also were made into films that you may have seen . . . and if you not you should. Shit give the books a read too, they're full of pictures so it won't hurt your brain muscle too much.

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Speaking of comic movies, how about that Dark Knight eh? I haven't seen it yet, but it's set a new opening weekend box office record. Hooray for Batman. Batman Begins was a great film, a proper return to the darker Batman and so far I haven't heard anything bad about the sequel. I guess this says to Hollywood, no matter how much people download movies or buy pirated ones at the dodgy mall with all the kids playing DDR they still go out to see a movie in the theatres if you make a good one. I wonder if that lesson will be learned? Probably not.

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While we're talking Batman, how about this brief, emphasis on brief, slideshow history of the Joker. I have to say I learned something from it.

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That's enough geekery for today, eh? How about an important public health notice. Check out this article that talks about a study that says that DIY breast exams may do more harm than good. This could be truly frightening news, and more proof that these checks should be carried out by health care professionals . . . and concerned and properly trained Bloggers.

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Well I think I'll sign off with a bit of giggity for you - check out these pics of Rosario Dawson in her bikini taken in Italy. I can't pin it down but this lady is something else, well at least to look at anyway, I can't say I actually know what she's like . . . the scene in Clerks 2 where she's dancing on the roof pretty much stops me dead every time.

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That's it for now.

Happy Birthday to the Hoff

Just wanted to take a minute to wish Mr. David Hasselhoff the happiest of birthdays today. Here's to hoping you don't end up drunk off your ass trying to eat a burger off the floor being admonished by your daughter again this year Dave.

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Ah hell who am I kidding, we've all been there, just most of us aren't in the public eye so no one cares when it ends up on the net . . . well except for maybe your mum, that shit nearly broke her heart.

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So in conclusion Mr. Hasselhoff, more this, less that.

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And how's about a quick bit of learning? You may have seen the stage production or the film Sweeney Todd, starring Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham-Carter, which I would have enjoyed more if it weren't a musical, but that's neither here or there . . . back to the item at hand. Well seems that the Demon Barber of Fleet Street was a real life figure, credited with 150 murders and who turned his victims over to his special lady, Mrs. Lovett, to turn them into meat pies; you can read some about it here if you're interested.

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And one last entry for today - in honour of our piss poor summer, I bring out another history lesson, but this time it's the history of the Super Soaker, check it out yo. All I can say is if it took a nuclear physicist to come up with a decent water gun, no wonder it took so damned long to for these bad boys to hit the market. Does anyone even buy the shitty little squirt guns anymore? Can you even get them? And if you can, why?

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Well that's it for now . . . it's short, but at least the posts have been regular this week.

Worst. Cover. EVAR!?!

It's video challenge two time - this could quite possibly be the worst cover ever. Can you top it? Please please please top it, and my only ground rule is that any covers by Sheryl Crow are not allowed to be entered.

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It amazes me how such a good singer can so unsuccessfully perform other people's songs, I mean she proved it when she released a cover of G'n'R's Sweet Child o' Mine, Zeppelin's D'yer Maker and brutal cover of a June Carter-Cash tune on the Johnny Cash Tribute show (which I can't quickly find a video for) . . . but her duet with Willie Nelson for If I Were a Carpenter is pretty good overall, but it kinda goes for a shit for a while in the 2nd verse.

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Feel free to submit some Nicky 9 Lines if you want though.

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This isn't one of the worst covers ever, in fact it's one of my favourites, and I'm a guy who loves cover songs, and the video is flat out amazing. If it doesn't grab your heart you're a god damned robot or a Communist or a Communist Robot,. Either that or maybe I'm a huge pussy . . . no matter, it's still a damned fine video.

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I'm outta here, the sun's supposed to stay out all day today too. Maybe I should call in sick . . .

Great News Everyone

According to this none other than Sarah Silverman is once again single; perhaps Jimmy Kimmel's loss could be my gain? I know it's early but Sarah if you're out there and interested in big bald hairy guys drop a line.

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Since we're talking about Sarah Silverman, seems that she's going to be on the new Match Game that will air on TBS along with Norm MacDonald, Super Dave Osborne and Scott Thompson (no doubt playing Charles Nelson Reilly for a new millennium). I have to wonder if it will be as good as the original, as I can't see the networks letting anyone get away with the on air drinking and smoking that the original (well worth watching on GSN just to see Betty White making dirty jokes) was full of. The show had a good format and the panel of B-List celebs were usually pretty good, Brett Somers bashing on CNR for being gay and getting loopy, CNR smoking his pipe while wearing ascot and Richard Dawson hitting on every female contestant to grace the stage.

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And you CNR is the shit when he's the subject of a Dead Milkmen song. Makes me want to have my own hilltop Nelson Reilly orgy with fifteen girls. Good times.

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You can read more about it here if you're interested.

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That's enough classic game show talk for now, how about something that'll maybe appeal to the freegans (just another breed of dirty hippy) out there, The Best Before Challenge. Check out the article by a Brit who over a two week stretch ate food increasingly past its best before date to prove the fact that we throw out too much good food or maybe it was just to piss off his wife. Nothing bad happened to the writer and the humour in the article is mint. Check out it, and don't just throw out that milk because it's on the sell by date, at least see if it's good first.

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Since I brought up the soap dodgers again, maybe you'll be interested in this article about a set of Scottish vegan parents who brought their daughter up on a strict vegan diet and who at the age of 12 had to be admitted to hospital bone condition which has left her with the spine of an 80-year-old woman. I know now even as I type this there are people who will bombard me with information that it is possible to raise a healthy kid as vegetarian or vegan and that's probably right . . . I mean there are people all over the world who don't eat meat, although I'm sure for many it's a lifestyle that is forced on them by circumstance and not choice.

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And being Scottish vegans I wonder if deep fried Mars bars are still okay to eat? I guess it would depend on whether it's friend in vegetable oil or animal oil . . . and whether or not there's really milk in the milk chocolate.

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Unfortunately the article doesn't mention what happened to the 80 year old lady that they took the spine out of. Ba-dump-bump!

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Maybe having a Mars bar based diet isn't so bad, check out this article (complete with what is quite possibly the most unappealing photo of a dude eating a chocolate bar (that's right chocolate bar, not candy bar) ever) about a guy who claims to have lived on them for the past 17 years. I wonder if he eats them all raw or has any deep fried?

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I'm sure you've no doubt noticed I link to Wikipedia a lot here, and why not it's quick and easy and even if it's not the most accurate, it's close enough for rock and roll, or at least this shadowy corner of the interweb. But there are many other 'Pedias out there on the net, and here's Wired's compilation of the 8 best non-Wiki Pedias, like Dickipedia, which states:

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"Gerald 'Geraldo' Rivera is a TV journalist, noted egotist, former talk-show host, and a dick."

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And check out their Dr. Phil article . . . now he's truly and honestly a dick. I wonder if I can make a page there for myself?

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The Uncyclopedia also gets a mention, a hugely amusing website which regular readers may remember from some post on here . . . or if I didn't post it before I meant to. Check out the entries for Toronto and Canadian Inventions.

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That's it for today - and remember as a wise friend of mine said "Best before doesn't mean bad after."

¿Quién es?

Well if you didn't already know, today is the 127th anniversary of the infamous William H. Bonny aka Henry Antrim, aka Henry McCarty aka Billy the Kid being shot to death in a dark room by none other than Sheriff Pat Garrett . . . or was he? Guess it depends on what source of information you believe. No matter, I'm sure he's dead now. In case you want to learn something about this, but you don't want to read anything on Billy or the Lincoln County Cattle War you can always watch the films Young Guns and its sequel and get a Hollywoodized version of it - and really isn't that all you need?

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Ever wonder if you're that guy? Well wonder no longer, just go complete this easy 56 question quiz and find out. Personally I think that the quiz is missing a couple of key questions, like do you have or have you ever had a faux hawk and do you pop your collar. I am firm believer that if you are guilty of either these two offenses it's automatic D-bag status for you. There are even guys like this down at my local boozer (WTF there's a review for the Tavern on a Japanese TripAdvisor site?) and that's a sad sad thing . . . well it is to me . . . I'm sure they think quite differently in between conversations about gel and how much they can bench and what sweet mods they're going to do when they finally by that Type R (instead of just slapping the sticker they stuck on the POS they're currently driving) or Acura.

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According to the quiz my "That Guy" temperature is warm. It's not my fault, there's a couple questions in there to trip me up . . . I mean what self respecting geek doesn't think this is hot? Actually this is hotter (just ask the guy on her left) . . . but no matter . . . so how do you rank? Sorry ladies, you'll have to look on your won to see if there's an "Are you that bird" quiz for you to complete.

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So last night I was lucky enough to watch some of The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters, a rather good documentary about die hard classic video gamers and one man's efforts to topple the cult built around then Donkey Kong record holder by breaking a record that was set in 1984 or 1982 or something like that. It's a must watch, and I will be looking to watch the whole thing that's fo' sho'.

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One of the fine people from the film was Roy Shildt, former World Record Holder for Missile Command, aka Mr. Awesome. And trust me he earned that name, see for yourself.

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No matter if you're a video game wizard and think you can beat a record set up the video camera and get yourself playing and send the tape(s) into the good folks over at Twin Galaxies for authentication so that you may one day grace the hallowed halls of video game supremacy like Mr. Awesome (could that really be me?), Steve Wiebe or Billy Mitchell (isn't that sweet hair?).

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Since we're talking video games, how about some photos from some video game influenced weddings, yep you read that right video game influenced weddings . . . although most of the pics seem to be of cakes.

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That's all for now folks - but I will sign off with this beauty, a Thai prison recreation of Michael Jackson's Thriller video . . . complete with cowering afraid of the monsters lady . . . well lady-boy, but what do you expect it's a Thai prison. I know it's no Gorbachev, but it's pretty awesome and I have to say I prefer it to the original.

Best. Video. EVAR!!

All right, so last night I sent a challenge, a dare, for some people to try to find me a better music video than this one for the song “Gorbachov” by Russian metal band ANJ where former Russian Prime Minister Mikhail Gorbachev is an axe-wielding barbarian, destroying zombies who attack the hard working big breasted women of Mother Russia.

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It's a thing of beauty. It's a political statement. It's educational (before that video I had no idea Gorbachov could shoot frickin' lazers from his frickin' eyes).

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Actually it’s even more than that. It’s the best music video ever created.

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But believe it or not I did some responses to my challenge, the first being this one (which brings to mind the band Apocalyptica - check 'em out on the YouTubes here) which is good, actually and honestly good, but doesn't rank up to OMFG! That vidjah is teh r0x0rz!!!!!!1111one

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Not to be outdone I had to counter that video offering with this one with so many different covers of Europe's Final Countdown you'll think you've teleported into a Thunder Bay titty bar and be waiting for Pour Some Sugar on Me and Winds of Change to Come on next, right after you check your ticket to see if you won that private dance from this week's feature dancer.

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But enough of that - back to the challenge at hand - I had another response to the challenge that came in the form of this video, and that is one great and good it's grood. And it's chock full of boobies and everyone like boobies . . . and it's also on a porn site so if you want to see a different cleaned up, but still funny as balls, version of the video with the same song not on a porn site, go here. I'm sure you'll be singing along to that one in no time and when it's done I'm sure you'll be scrambling over to the YouTubes to watch this.

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I had one challengee come back with no less than three responses; the first being this bad boy, which he admitted isn't as awesome but well worth an honourable mention, and there's no arguing that it's chock full of giggity . . . and if you're head isn't at least bobbing along to the beat (we're not asking you to dance like La Parka or anything) you must've had an emergency funk-e-at-a-mee or something.

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No matter - the 2nd video from his response was this one, which he admitted "Just as good, not so much with the funny." I don't know about you, but this one didn't do it for me like his first suggestion did. Maybe I had too much exposure to Snap-On calendars as a young man?

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Anyway the thrid and final nominee of his was this fine offering, which I think should have been his number two, because after all the Cheeky Girls are everyone's favourite non-lesbian Eastern European pop duo.

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Yep so those are the responses I got . . . or at least the responses that I know I got, seems that my Sympatico email has taken a shit on me . . . but not matter, now I throw out the challenge again, I dare you to find me a better music video than this one. Personally if I were given this challenge I'd likely have offered up this gem. Shit if it were a movie I'd probably watch it.

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All right enough of the music for now - it's time to drop a little bad news on you corpse fucking cheeseheads out there. According to this article the great - make that Dairy - state of Wisconsin has just made necrophilia illegal in order to charge three fucktards who dug up a corpse for some sexy time. As Justice Patience Roggensack was quoted in the article "Dead bodies obviously can't give consent." which is undeniably true (and did it really need saying? Does anyone really need to justify passing a law stopping people from having sex with the dead? Now I just hope that these laws don't extend to loving the undead) unless of course you've got Jennifer Love Hewitt to help you out.

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Huh now this conversation has me thinking about this song by Type O Negative.

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That's it for now - and don't forget the video challenge.

Happy Newspaper Day

Today is that great day in our great town when the local weekly paper (it's mostly advertising, shit even some of the articles are thinly veiled adverts for local businesses. The best part of the paper is the crimes and/or court in brief. Everyone, except for me that is, complains that it shouldn't be in the paper, but there isn't anyone who doesn't read it) comes out, and no matter where you around this little town nestled on the shores of Pelican Lake you will find people at their jobs who should be working, but instead reading the paper. It's funny because no one thinks there's anything wrong with this and if even you go up to the counter in one of the local shops, when one of the local shops that's still open, and find the clerk reading the paper instead of snapping to attention and ringing up your purchases it's A-okay . . . as long as it's Wednesday morning. Try that shit on a Thursday and you're a lazy bastard not worthy of your post behind the till.

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What a difference a day can make.

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So here's some good news for migraine sufferers - seems that some eggheads out there have built a handheld magnetic device that when used during the "aura" phase of the migraine has had good success in easing the pain of the headache. You can read more about this machine here. I wonder if just sticking some rare earth magnets to my melon would be as effective?

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This is good news, although not all migraine sufferers experience the aura, I know personally I don't always get it as a warning to the headache, but it's not uncommon for my vision to go wonky (blurry or seeing spots) while having one.

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I had someone, no doubt a dirty hippy, recommend a Tyramine Free Diet to help with my brain pains. So of course that meant a trip to my friendly neighbourhood interweb to find out just what the shit they were jabbering about. Turns out that I heart tyramines and don't know that I want to give them up . . . I mean look at all the good stuff they're in - aged cheeses, some aged and cured meats, sauerkraut and draft beer. Can you imagine life with a chunk of sharp cheddar, a slab of Genoa salami, a lashing of sauerkraut on your sausage and fresh pint of Stella or Kilkenny to warsh it down? I know I can't . . . well I could but I don't want to.

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Although I'm sad to say that inside of the last year or so I've had to limit my intake of dark beers, stouts and like . . . and sadly that means no more getting completely shittered on Guinness. I can still handle a pint of the black stuff, but even a few of them sets off a horrible migraine, and trust me it's not just a hangover. I know the difference.

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That's enough of that don't you think? Hey remember a couple posts back I mentioned that my local municipal environmental committee wanted to ban plastic bags in town? Well check this out, seems that a Waterloo high school student has figured out how to break the bags down in months instead of the usual billions (picture Dr. Evil now) of years. Now that is brilliant, and the kid's just in high school. What did you accomplish in high school, besides finishing Super Mario and barely mastering removing a bra (although I'm sure if you're reading this and you've always been a female you probably had that down pat pretty quick . . . but have you tried to see if it's as easy to remove someone else's bras as your own? If you'd like to give it a go, let me know because I think that's something I'd like to watch . . . in the interest of science . . . and junk).

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Well that's it for now - and don't forget, THIS IS SPRINGFIELD!

Death Magnetic?

If you're a metal fan, and if not I have to wonder why, you may already recognise the title of today's blog as the title of Metallica's upcoming album. I'm hoping that it's going to be better than their last few releases, and I know many others are as well, but this brief write up from The Gauntlet has a short ad/video of promoting the release of the new record (September) and features audio from a new, as of the writing of that article, unnamed song . . . which I have to admit sounds pretty good which gives me hope.

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The guys at The Gauntlet also spend some time slamming Metallica here over their Mission Metallica site where you can get some previews of the new record in production or if you want to pay get even more stuff like exclusive web content, album DL's, album delivery, artwork, all sorts of shit like that. You click the link and read it for yourself. I can't see myself signing up for any of the pay content, nor am I surprised by it . . . I am a fan but I can admit that Metallica has been a rock brand, not a rock band for a long time now. But I will be getting this record, that I promise.

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Speaking of new records, has anyone checked out the new Priest album yet? I've been meaning too, just haven't got around to it, I mean like Priest, but a two hour concept album? Who do they think they are, Dream Theater? I thought Priest's last album was pretty damned good, save for the one stinker known as Loch Ness.

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It's not metal, but check out this guy rock the shit of out keyboard, I don't know that I could listen to a whole couple hours of it but that's pretty cool, might make for good mood music. But if you are the kinda person who likes their music electronical and all beeps and boops like the soundtrack from that arcade you spent all your money, in the form of quarters, in during the 80's check out my friend's band Zerg. You can see them play live in person at the Bovine Sex Club on August 1st. If it weren't such a hike I'd be checking out it.

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While we're talking electronic music, remember Mario Paint? Well it seems that this cat here has spent 20 hours using Mario Paint Composer (computer software that mimics the music system from the original Mario Paint for the Super NES) to recreate Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. Soooo bad ass . . . when we used to piss around with Mario Paint I don't think we got anything more complicated than Mary had a little lamb and some bad, both in quality and content, animated sequences.

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Speaking of Queen according to this article they're due to release a new record on September 1st with Paul Rodgers fronting the band. As far as I know I haven't heard any Queen with Rodgers singing, so I'll with hold judgement, but how, tell me how do you replace Freddie Mercury? Man just the mustache and gapped tooth smile are iconic, that's not even getting into his singing talents.

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I never thought to look before but there are lots of videos of songs done in Mario Paint on the You Tubes. Once again, and you thought I had too much time on my hands. I just wanna know what Kurt would think of this?

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But let's move away from music for a bit, yeah? How about this look back in time, all the way back to 1968 to see what at least one person thought the world would be like in 2008. All I wanna know is where's my hover-car and which is your favourite rocket service company? Ah so close and yet so far . . . guess someone watched a few too many episodes of the Jetsons . . . which is about an accurate a view of the future as the Flintstones was of the past.

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So long, and remember fat bottom girls make the rockin' world go 'round.

They Came From a Land of Ice & Snow

To take you to a gay bar?

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Huh?

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Wha?

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Yep it's none other than the Viking Kitties (you must remember them? No? Does this jog your memory?) and they're back again, and this time they're covering the Electric Six's Gay Bar. You can check out the Viking Kittie's version here.

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Man now I want a stuffed Viking Kitty toy again . . . and there's more Viking Kitty gear here and all sorts of other cool gear from Rathergood here.

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If you didn't know, the Electric Six is the band responsible for the song in this Japanese SUV commercial with the Sumos washing the car. But you probably already knew that. This is just me but I think that every sexy car wash scene, or a parody of one, in anything is a rip of this scene from Cool Hand Luke. No idea where they stole it from, but man that's h-o-t-t hott.

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And here's my music suggestion for the day - if you like the Electric Six, you may also like hedonistic rock stylings of Norway's own Turbonegro. But I'm sure you already do.

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I don't know about you, but this video by the Czech band Kabat, for a song about Bruce Willis none the less, has me wishing for a Babel fish or at least a working knowledge of the Czech language . . . but honestly I think we all know the first one is more likely. Since I have to accept I'll never really know what Kabat thinks of Bruno I'll have to settle for Canadian Bands singing songs about David Lee Roth. Okay, one Canadian band, singing one song about DLR.

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And don't forget, today is the 27th anniversary of the death of Jim Morrison . . . huh lived to 27 and it's been 27 years since he died. Where are you Mr. Mojo Risin?

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From music to movies, how about this teaser poster for Rob Zombie's upcoming film Tyrannosaurus Rex (a 2009 release?), with possibly the most bad ass tag line for anything ever. Seriously, you try to top that. I think that might become my new motto or slogan or mission statement or whatever you wanna call it.

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And don't forget, only fifteen more days until the release of The Dark Knight. Man if you live in a city or other place where movies get shown on their release dates (sometimes, when it's open, our local theatre shows movies after they've been released on DVD) and you aren't there for this one on opening night you must be crazy . . . or don't have a living room littered with action figures (speaking of action figures aren't these pretty cool? Yeah I thought so too). . . or have an active social life that doesn't revolve around debating how Batman is better than Superman or the latest in animated television . . . or how awesome retro animated TV is.

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Rocket Robin Hood anyone? If this wasn't one of my favourite rerun cartoons that used the same clips over and over again I don't know what was. Even as a kid I realised that they were using some of the same scenes in this show and the animated Spiderman (another great opening sequence and a great cover by the Ramones). I guess I was always somewhat cynical.

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Remember The Ballad of Rocket Robin Hood? I bet you do, what a great opening sequence, or the various interludes between the episodes of the show? Which was your favourite? Such good TV.

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How about a little Mighty Hercules? Here's a site with a series of nice screen caps form the show, in case you want to reminisce a bit about a day when all you needed was a magic ring and a sweet pompadour to kick the ass of any monster (all of which sounded the same . . . take a moment and make the Hercules monster noise with me . . . . there wasn't that fun?). I bet you're singing the song from the show's opening right now aren't you?

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Oh my wasted youth . . . and my wasted young adult life, and likely my wasted middle age, and wasted golden years, watching cartoons.

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Oh well, how about a little giggity? Thought you'd like that, so here's Dita Von Teese from the July issue of the German Maxim, with twice the pee and four times the schaiser than your boring North American Maxim.

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And I'll sign off with something from the I had no idea files . . . looks like there's guys out there who get off on pics of hot, or trashy depending on how you look at it, girls with the cars stuck. Yeah for serious, here's pics . . . of the girls with the stuck cars (snow, ice, sand, whatever you're into. Me now that I know these pics are out there I want to see hot chicks with cars stuck in mashed potatoes. Don't ask why I just do) not the guys enjoying the pics. But I'm sure there are people out there who'd get off on that.

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Me I'll stick to midget porno like a regular dude and be proud of it, thanks.

Ban the Bag

Seems that my local Municipal Environment Committee would like to ban plastic shopping bags locally and they want your help to do it . . . well okay and your approval. They've got another survey online where you can answer four questions on the subject of banning the single use plastic shopping bag here, if you're interested. Although single use isn't an accurate name for them, I don't know about you but mine normally get used twice before they hit the landfill.

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No matter, soon we'll be back to hauling our groceries home in a paper sack and think of the fun we can have making giant hand puppets of them. No matter onto the fun, yeah?

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In case you're in Winnipeg and you're looking for something to do after you get shot with a pellet gun and have your car stolen, why not try the Winnipass activity package? The Winnipeg Ghost Tour from the good folks over at All About Ghosts is good times too, and looks like both include a stop at the St. B Museum, which is supposed to be haunted BTW.

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But maybe you don't like to go out and do stuff and would rather hide out in your man cave, or your mum's basement, and that's cool too . . . and if you belong to the latter group you'd best grab your inhaler because this link will show you the wonders that is the Lego Vault - the, I can only assume super high security, super secret, super awesome storage space where ever Lego set ever created is stored. Presumably so that after the nuclear holocaust the radio active zombie kids will have some excellent toys or so that thousands of years into the future an Archaeologist in moon boots and metallic one piece jumpsuit can unearth this treasure trove and make some sort of well meaning but misinformed theory about them being grave goods showing everyday life in our world (pirates, castles and space exploration is a pretty normal day for me, what about you?) or miniature representations of our deities . . . which probably isn't too far off the mark.

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Speaking of Lego - how bad ass is this, the Lego Death Star. I can think of a few people who will be wanting to get that sum bitch.

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I don't know if you're looking for something to do next Saturday night, why not check out some indie wrasslin' from Ringmasters Entertainment at the Dryden Arena as part of their Moosefest? We went last year and man it was good times, no doubt helped that we ended up sitting in the section for the handicapped and/or people who don't know that wrestling isn't real. Soooo awesome. I know I'll see you there.

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As a somewhat interesting aside, when I saw Henry Rollins at the Walker last RME wrestler E Z Ryder was working security and I'm certain that Bobby Collins worked as a bouncer at Scandals and we referred to him as Yosemite Sam as he was little, red headed and had a superb 'stache at the time.

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And now for your bit of fun and my sign off - if you liked the Planet Rock Album Cover Quiz you'll definitely love the hidden band name picture game; there are something like 70 some band names represented in the picture at that link, how many can you uncover?

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I'm outta here, until next time.

Who needs zoom zoom zoom?

When you could be roaring down the highway at 205 factory miles per hour (328 km/h) in a 638 horsepower 2009 Corvette ZR1 (BTW that's Zed-R-1 not Zee-R-1, doesn't it sound so much more pansy when you say Zee instead of Zed?). Try to tell me that wouldn't be a fun car to drive . . . and to think my car is only 310 horsepower and tops off at 163 miles per hour (not that I've ever driven it that fast, honest). You can read a little more about the high speed run on a German track here if you like, but what's left to know, maybe other than how badly did the dude in the passenger shit himself when the driver hammered on the throttle.

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But with record high gas prices maybe you aren't really in the market for a sports car and want something more fuel efficient, like the electric Tesla Roadster (0 - 60 mph in under 4 seconds) or maybe even a Vespa (0 - 60 if you throw it out of a plane)?.

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You wanna talk gasoline price records, right now gasoline is cheaper in Wunnumin Lake ($1.35/litre) than in Sioux Lookout ($1.439/litre or $6.53/imperial gallon or $5.44/US gallon), maybe the oil companies should read this article about how it's only a myth that we're running out of oil? In case they're not quite right, how about this (albeit somewhat aged) article about Israel getting oil from a stone, please make your own jokes about cheap Jewish people, I won't do it for it you. Seems the process involves crushing shale and at the time of writing that article was costing about $20 per barrel. Oil from stone $20, oil from Omar et al. $130 . . . this seems pretty straight forward to me. All I want to know is if I can get any 91 octane granite around here?

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How do gas prices in your town stack up? I guess you can play the compare game here, or at any of the other similar sites for other cities/provinces in case you don't like in the great province of Ontario. I guess it could be worse, we could be paying European prices for gasoline. If our gas prices have you on the verge of tears seeing the Euro prices will put you into a deep depression . . . the kind of depression where you wear all black and just hangout in your room writing more of your shitty poetry in that ratty spiral bound notebook listening to The Cure . . . if I only I could ride my bike all year round (my mileage was almost 73 miles per imperial gallon last night on a mix of highway and town driving) I'd be laughing. Or at least crying less . . . okay crying about different stuff.

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Actually I've said it before and I'll surely say it again, if gas dropped down to $1.00/litre I'd have a party - shit I'd probably spray some up in the air and put a little in the tank of the car next to me because it'd be so fucking cheap. And to think I can remember a time when I thought that a buck a litre was expensive . . . makes me think back to my high school shop teacher so said I'd see the $5.00 gallon of gas in my life time and how right he was . . . I just wonder if he also thought he'd see it in his?

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I think the only real way to affect change in the price of oil/gasoline/energy whatever you want to call it is to use less of the stuff, supply will out grow demand and then prices should drop. Although I could also see the energy companies getting tired of shrinking profit margins when we all become tree hugging soap dodgers and them increasing the cost per unit of energy so that they can continue shit loonies (imagine the noise that'd make) and wipe with $100 bills (imagine the mess that would make). Gee does that make me sound cynical?

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Seeing as how I mentioned Vespas earlier, the Winnipeg Vespa dealership has been advertising a lot on Power 97 lately and the basic gist of the commercials is that Vespas aren't just for Nancy-boys, they're modern new age guys who love the environment & not spending much on gas and no doubt wear eyeliner and carry murses. I'm sure that ad campaign will sell tons of the bikes in Winnipeg (which is the ironic font again?). Perhaps they should have played up the mod-chic of them from days gone by? That's what I would have done . . . and then maybe we could have Mods and Rockers battling it out at Assiniboine Park just like at Brighton in 1964. I wonder if that would steal headlines away from Winnipeg's car thefts, gang action and North End fun fairs?.

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Oh yeah and to quote the Weakerthans, the Guess Who sucked and the Jets were lousy anyway.

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That's about enough of that for now, how about a little fun? Yeah I thought you'd like that, so here's the Planet Rock Album Cover Quiz. On my first go through I could get 12 of the 54. There were more that I recognised but couldn't put names to . . . can you help a brother out?

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Remember, fuck a mod.

It's Monday Yo

And today I'm off to Kasabonika and then tomorrow it's Wunnumin for a couple days, I do get around don't I. All I can say is it should be interesting . . . and that's if my back doesn't go out again.

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No matter that's not why you're here, so let's see what we can drag up for a Monday morning . . . first off I want to know where can I get one of these? And before you start to try to be a wiseneheimer, no I don't mean a protest. Check out the video too.

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And here's a public service announcement for anyone who's whipped out their ass as a form of rebuttal, check out this article about a Dutchman who was injured in a tragic mooning accident. Who know throwing up the glazed hams could be so dangerous? I'll have to seriously reconsider doing it again.

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Speaking of hams - how about this article that claims that low sodium diets might be worse than high salt diets, cardiovascularly speaking that is. All I can say is pass the salt and gimme more nitrates. Not that I was cutting back on those tasty tasty things anyway.
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Reading this article about a newspaper photographer who was given a lifetime achievement award this in the First ScotRail Press Photography Awards, fondly recalled a previous prize he won for a picture he took at the Commonwealth Games in Edinburgh - his weight in whisky has me thinking that I need to start taking more photos. I'm not a big whiskey drinking but I guess I could be or maybe I could trade for my weight in sweet sweet amber rum?
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If you're like me you're a white person, and you like stuff, and you just might like the website Stuff White People Like. I know I like it and like I said I'm a honky.
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It's a well known fact that I like cars, and don't like hybrids and this article makes me happy way down there inside me where only bad things grow. Seems that in a real world contest a Toyota Prius lost a gas mileage challenge against the BMW 520d. I love it - suck on that you hybrid driving soap dodgers. By the way, what do you do with the big battery that hybrid runs on when it's time to change it? And the BMW looks like something that you wouldn't be ashamed to drive around in. Okay that I wouldn't be ashamed to drive around in.
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Well now that I'm done foaming at the mouth about hybrids sucking and super efficient diesels ruling how about a pic that will damned near have you rushing off to the Ukraine to join their army.
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And I think I'll sign off with a bit of fun for you; click here and enter your first name on the first line and your last name on the second line. I'd advise against entering your email address, but it's your life and you do whatever the hell you want with it. Now click on 'Vizualizar' and enjoy the show.
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Until next time and remember I don't want none unless you got buns hun.

All Aboard!

As some of you already know I like to travel so I figured today I'll share some information that might be helpful in case you like to or think you like to travel as well. We'll start at the start with airline costs.

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Seems that this could be bad news for me, and watch out fatties because apparently airlines are considering treating passengers like freight (I already fly on one airline that already does that to a point) and charging by weight. So if that does happen, have your photo ID ready when you approach the counter and leave your bag of nickels at home.

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For the older or more experienced traveller here are some pictures that may bring back fond memories of air travel from the past where it was supposed to a luxurious or at least special and unique experience. I can't understand the words, but I pretty much get the drift of the pictures.

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So now, fat or not, you're on the plane and off to your destination, and it's always a good idea to know what you can and cannot get away with at your destination, so here, because I care, are the 7 "innocent" gestures that can get you killed over seas.

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So now that you know the upturned thumb means up your ass in the Middle East and the open extended palm is "I rub shit in your face" in Greece (shit do they do anything there that doesn't involve an asshole in one form or another?).

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Okay, so you're there now, and you know what hand gestures you shouldn't do, but what do you and what's it going to cost you? Well have no fear because I have for you here the price of a pint of beer in 202, make that 204 (they've added two since I was there last) different countries from around the world, and you can look at it in different currencies to, just in case you don't like to spend good old Canadian dollars.

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All right so now you've managed to not offend people and not be surprised by the price of the glass of beer you just drank, so now what? How about a good hard shag? Yeah thought you'd like that, so here, for your travel budgeting pleasure, are the prices of sex in various countries around the world. From this chart looks like South East Asia has the best bang for your buck, pun entirely intended, and in London your better off to hit the boozer and try cash in on your exotic foreign accent and the effectiveness of tart fuel with the ladies than hiring one.

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I don't have huge experience in this department but the city in Thailand I was in you could get a girl for a day, and delivered to your hotel, for about $50 Canadian, the ones that spoke English (apparently in the world of Thai whores, speaking English and saying English are about the same thing) cost a little more. We were also told by our cab driver in Kuala Lumpur that Indonesia was even better for hiring girls and that one could be had for about 1/3 of what they cost in Betong.

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So you should be well satiated by now and maybe after a couple drinks and a girl or three you're thinking that you're a man now . . . well maybe not, it all depends on where you're coming from, or where you are I suppose. Here for your learning pleasure are some of the most terrifying passage into manhood rites from around the globe. I think I'll stick to chest hair and sideburns proving you're a man thanks.

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How's that for some holiday planning? Not bad eh, but now that the trip is over you probably think you're free and clear, or at least you will be once you can pee freely and the rash clears up, but no there could be one more major obstacle to your returning home, seems that jackasses in the Canadian government think that there should be a law that would allow digital devices (everything from oh I dunno you're laptop to your iPod to your digi-cam) be inspected by Customs Agents for pirated content. Now not only would that add a whole lot of time to the trip through customs at the airport, after all how many songs do you have on you iPod and how much porn is on that laptop?, but think of the invasion of privacy that comes along with it . . . especially the invasion of privacy that comes with being cornholed in prison after you're convicted for thousands of counts of copyright violation.

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I don't know about you, but I'll be keeping my eye on this one.

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Anyway that's her for now, until next time.

Scream for me Winnipeg!

Monday night I saw one of the best concerts of my life, Iron Maiden at the MTS Centre in Winnipeg on their Somewhere Back in Time tour, a dusting off of the infamous World Slavery tour, of sorts, where the Live After Death album was recorded over. The show was fantastic, the band sounded perfect (although the vocals/mic seemed to get lost in the mix a couple of times throughout the night), I got to see two different Eddies on stage (finally when I saw them play in Minneapolis with Blaze Bayley fronting the band it was in a bar and there was no Eddie), first a mummy Eddie and then the Somewhere in Time Eddie, and not only it was it the first sell out that I was at in the MTS Centre, it was the first time I've seen people in the Upper Bowl of the arena.

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I'm not the only one who felt this way about the show, see what the Winnipeg Free Press thought about the show here. And there are a bunch of videos from the concert up on YouTube here if you're interested . . . and I know you are . . . and jealous.

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If you weren't there you missed out big time, but have hope. There was talk of touring in support of new material with stops in Canada (Bruce commented on how fast the Western Canadian shows sold out, but when you don't play somewhere for 17 years that kinda thing is bound to happen . . . actually Bruce also accurately commented how that some of the people in the crowd weren't even born the last time they played in the 'Peg) and Bruce also mentioned a festival show in Winnipeg, but I think that was just stage talk, like when a band tells the crowd that their the best one on the tour, every night.

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But it'd be cool, imagine it the Winnipeg Open Air Metal Festival, maybe it could rival Wacken?

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And since it's Winnipeg you know you won't look out of place if you show up in your grain truck or on your tractor.

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And if you're interested you can go here to save $10 on Cirque du Soleil Saltimbanco matinee tickets for their Winnipeg shows in July. I have absolutely no interest in going to see this, but maybe you do.

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That's enough for today - UP THE IRONS!

Ba-dah-dah-dah I'm Lovin' It

According to an email from a friend of mine who lives in the city this sign was up this past weekend at the McDonald's on Red River Road in Thunder Bay, Ontario. It was there from Saturday morning until sometime Sunday afternoon when someone told the restaurant management about it. Apparently the sign was changed sometime after that.

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I'll let you make your own jokes about McDonald's food having always tasted like ass, no need for me to do it.

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That's enough local news, don't you think. How about some history, of sorts. The video I've got above was my first introduction to KMFDM sometime in 1993 or 1994 playing on Much Music late one night, yes you can make your comments about it being back when MM used to play videos.

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We all remember that, well except for the kids today, for all they know Much has always been about trying find love for Tila Tequila and Video on Trial . . . which I guess is showing videos and rather amusing. The little gay guy from Winnipeg is hilarious . . . actually most of the jurors on the show are pretty good. Notice I said most.

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No matter I'm sure I only stopped long enough to watch the video because of the animation, but the song quickly sucked me in and I've been a fan ever since. I even bought some of their albums on CD back before the days of digital downloads for prices running around $28 or $30 because they were imports or some other bullshit like that. Good industrial music though, and I was lucky enough to see them play at bar that's probably not open anymore in Port Arthur.

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If you've ever been in my living room you probably don't think I need any more action figures, but this one is a must get, don't you think? There are some more pics of it here if you're interested. It's pretty bad ass don't you think?
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How about some science now? According to this piece of propaganda eating three strips of bacon a day can give you bowel cancer. All I can say to that is if that's how it's going to be you might as well fire up a smoke with your breakfast, because Jebus knows we ain't giving up the bacon.

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Bacon, is there anything it can't do?

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And on the forefront of bacon technology, how about bacon in a can? Yeah at first you're probably thinking how horrible an idea that is, but then after a second or two you come to your senses and realise how awesome it is. Think about, it'd be perfect for camping, car trips (ever try to fry up bacon while on the highway? It's harder than it sounds) or your post disaster survival kit (just because the countryside is over run by nuclear zombies and roaches the size of Buicks doesn't mean you can't have a nice bacon sandwich . . . speaking of better add some HP sauce to that survival kit as well).

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And finally here's an article from the UK about a granny who found a 3" needle in her bacon. I'm sure it was placed there by some radical member of an anti-bacon terrorist group. No doubt the same people spreading the bacon/cancer propaganda as well.

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Well you know what they say, you can have my salty meat products when you pry them from my cold, dead hands.