Now I Could Really go for a Pint

How about you?

Still here

This is going to be short, I'm running well behind this morning, but that's how it goes, eh? No matter there's bound to be something here to amuse you.

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So the other day we had me beating up kids and posting photoshops of people making fun of kids artistic ability and lack of knowledge of things historical, but today we'll step it up a notch or two and share with you these professional (or at least good) artist's interpretations of kids' drawings. Some of them are pretty cool.

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And maybe you want to encourage your sprog to read, well check out this sweet set of Little Golden Books that never made it. There are some good ones in there for sure, I know I'd flip through a few of them myself. But that's coming from the guy who has copies of Everyone Poops and the Big Book of Farts. Someday I think I need to get a copy of All About Scabs and you know this one looks like something I'd enjoy as well, after all it is a book about two of my favourite things. But maybe such a scientific look would spoil it for me?

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Huh looks like they're still churning out the Little Golden Books . . . a little Poky Little Puppy anyone?

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While we're talking about kids' books, why not kids' names? Seems that this article, headlined "More parents using txt language to make their child's name gr8" is further proof that reproduction needs to be licensed and/or the the ability to procreate is inversely proportional to your child rearing skills.

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Oh and one last thing, Motorhead has a new album out, get it.

Let's Get Ready to Ruuuuuuuuuummmmbbbblllllleeeeee!

Good news everybody - according to this website I could take 26 five year olds in a fight (how many could you take?), yeah you read that right, 26 of the little snot nosed buggers. With school starting up here in town next week maybe I'll go and take a kindergarten class on. You know to make me feel good about myself and feel like a big man. Oh and you know I'd totally use one as club - after all they're too short to be polearms and aren't aerodynamic enough to be missile weapons.

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I'm sure some of my success in battling said 26 (that's one for every letter of the alphabet - think how awesome it would be if I could get 26 kids each with a name starting with a different letter of the alphabet to fight, I think it would add a nice Sesame Street like quality to the event, and then to top it off the Count could count up the pile of battered kids) is due to the information I got from reading this quality article explaining how to win a fight against 20 children. Those last six, it's all me baby.

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I know you're impressed, aren't you?

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Maybe my kindergarten battle royal could be the main event to round out an evening of sweet Daycare Thunderdome action. Oh yeah Daycare Thunderdome is real, just check out this article on the topic where police say that a Dad gave kids weapons and encouraged them to fight each other for his amusement. I'm pretty sure I'd watch, at least for a little while anyway. Don't judge you would too, I'll just admit it.

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I wonder who the Patron Saint of Fighting Kids is? I don't readily see it on this list, but it seems that there's no shortage of Patron Saints for Children and looks like Saint Sebastian is the Patron Saint of Athletes, so perhaps it would be some sort of amalgam or Voltron of Saints who would protect the toddling gladiators as they punch, kick, scratch and smash their way into our hearts.

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While we're discussing Patron Saints, how about Cracked's list of the 8 most bizarre Patron Saints. Amazing eh? And if you look at the list I posted up above there you'll see that there's a Patron Saint for everything and everyone. So if you happen to be Christian or flexible in faith there'll always be someone to look over your shoulder or who's medallion you can wear for a little extra added protection.

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I'm plucking content from Cracked again, but here's a nice collection of 25 historic events as depicted by five year olds. There's some really funny stuff there . . . and I could take each one of the kids who "did" those pictures plus one more. I should totally add that to my resume, I'm that would impress some people.

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Well that's it for today - gotta get in training for my winner takes all battle against a local kindergarten class next week . . . maybe I could make it a charity event. Until next time.

Another Monday

Hey we're back and we're writing, after a couple of lazy posts on the weekend, but it's more than what you usually get out of me on a weekend and hopefully it was amusing . . . if not humourous hopefully you're at least into pictures of drunk girls on toilets, and sometimes improvised ones.

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Well I said I was going to get the new Toadies album, and I did. See a man of my word I am, generally anyway. As for No Deliverance, if you like the Toadies, you'll like this record, if you don't like the Toadies, well then you have questionable taste in music.

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Speaking of questionable taste in music, Metallica has released the first single off their upcoming record. You can listen to The Day That Never Comes streaming online here if you're interested. Me I think I like it (then what am I so afraid of?), but that being said I think it could stand to be more rocking. But I do want to hear the rest of the album, and hey, it can't be worse than St. Anger.

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Well I guess the Olympics are finally over and I get back to regularly scheduled television viewing, and since it was just the summer Olympics I pretty much mean Coronation Street on the CBC Sunday mornings. Now that's good times. The real bitch is going to be when the Winter Olympics comes on and fucks up my first run winter TV viewing - strike last year, Olympics this year.

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I am honestly a little disappointed in all you bleeding heart soap dodgers out there, I was expecting more hub-bub and protestation over the Olympics in China, I mean aren't there countless human rights and environmental violations that everyone is so upset about over there? Something about the Dalai Lama? Tibet? Lead paint in toys (after all lead paint is the tastiest)? Ugly girls not being allowed to sing on TV (just like in North America, what's the big deal there)? Being hungry 30 minutes after you eat their food?

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Maybe it's like in ancient Greece and all fights are put on hold until the Olympics are over.

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Maybe nobody really gives two shits as long as they can still get some cheaply made flat pack entertainment units and t-shirts over at the Wal-Mart or some knock off DVD's of films still in the theatres so they don't have to put up with the rest of the unwashed masses in order to watch Kung Fu Panda while they cheer on their countries elite, sometimes, amatuer athletes as they match up against the best the rest of the world has to offer.

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But enough of the pissing and moaning for now, how about a good bit of health information from Ernest Borgnine, aka the voice of Mermaid Man? Little did I know that secret to eternal youth was in the palm of my hand? This is good news, good news indeed.

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Well I think that's about her for now, but since it's been a while since I gave you some giggity, here's a bit to tide you over. Looks like none other than the lovely Miss Dita Von Teese has teamed up with Wonderbra to release a limited edition line. You can check out some pictures of Dita modelling the gear here. All I can say is I'll take two.

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Thanks

Now this is partying

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It's a high standard to set, but I know you can go get out there and do us all proud.

This Says It All

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I hope against hope that this ain't real.

I Come From the Water

I don't know about you, but was pretty excited last night when I read this and learned that the Toadies have released a new album, their first in seven years. If you aren't excited about this news, I have to ask why? Maybe you don't remember the Toadies, but maybe you remember their big hit (Possum Kingdom - a rather catchy tune about obsession, stalking and maybe murder) from their first national release Rubberneck.

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Oh you know I'll be getting this one . . . I wonder if they'll be touring and more importantly will they play Winnipeg? It might not be that much of a stretch, after all when another of my favourite long disbanded 90's bands, Urge Overkill, went on their first tour in seven years, Winnipeg was one of their few stops, don't ask me why, and they rocked the shit out of the Pyramid Cabaret.

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You've got to go and check out these photos. They were taken by John Macfie while he worked with the Department of Lands and Forests in Northern Ontario, in the 50's & 60's mostly, all around Northern and Northwestern Ontario in or near places like Fort Severn, Attawapiskat, Moose Factory, Sandy Lake, Round Lake, Sioux Lookout, Bearskin Lake, Mattagami, even some from Parry Sound, showing the lands and native people in a variety of activities. There's some pretty interesting pictures there, and who knows you might see someone you know.

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I didn't recognize any faces but did recognize some last names, but that's pretty easy do when you're working up north I think.

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No matter, how about some travel talk? Seems that since I'm going back to Cuba in January this article where Raul Castro tells Cuba to be ready for some tough times may not be the best news I could find. I'm sure everything will be fine, and while we're there I'm sure there'll be something going on in celebration of the 50th anniversary of the revolution.

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In closer to now fun and frivolity I may just go and check out the Flatlanders Beer Festival in Winnipeg this year. How can you go wrong with a hall full of high end beers available for the sampling? And it goes to a good cause, just don't ask me what it is . . . which is a completely different thing from every other time I've been full of beer in downtown Winnipeg.

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Here's a little quiz that's suffering from the great idea poor execution syndrome where you're supposed to guess the movie from the stick people drawing. This would be great fun but the captions below the pictures totally give the movies away and I think they would even with out the stick people drawings.

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Well that's all we gots time for today, so I'll leave you with this video of how I make the ladies sound when I works my magicks.

I Hurt Myself Today

You know I like the original, but god damn if I don't think that Johnny Cash's cover of Nine Inch Nails' Hurt is way better, and man how good is that video? Such very powerful imagery, or at least I think, but maybe I'm just a soppy git?

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Cash's cover of Depeche Mode's Personal Jesus is top shelf as well . . . and his cover of Soundgarden's Rusty Cage. Maybe he's just one of those guys who could do no wrong, and that includes when he was caught with a guitar full of amphetamines coming back from Mexico.

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I don't know about you, but the video clip of the walking catfish in question in this article from Florida makes me think it's the end of the world or something. Look at those freaks of nature, wriggling across the pavement, yep pavement as in the streets of a subdivision, completely out of water. That just ain't right.

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And people eat these things? I don't know if I could bring myself to eat them, smash them on the head with a shovel yes, eat no. And this is coming from some one who will handle and have eaten jackfish and not thought twice about it. . . those catfish look more like freaky eels than fish . . . kinda like Ling I suppose . . . scary shit.

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But they don't begin to compare to the Mekong Catfish from the Mekong River of Thailand that can grow up to 10' long. Now that's one fish that you don't want to mess with.

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Honestly I'm not sure if I find those walking catfish or the mutated fish (what kind of fish did it used to be?) from Northern Alberta in this article freakier. You've got to see the humour in a mutated fish turning up just in time for a clean water conference.

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From more of the believe it or not files, only I ain't making this shit up like Ripley did, seems that according to this article there's new forensic evidence shows that Captain Cook was not the first white to "discover" New Zealand, he was just the first to do so without being eaten.

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All I can say about that is sure, it makes sense and hopefully the Maoris still aren't in the habit of eating tourists (after all the Maori did eat the Moriori (native people of the Chatham Islands) and those they didn't eat they enslaved), I may like to visit that island some day. And when I'm there maybe even get some sweet Maori ink, samples here, but not on my face . . . although that might make the Maori angry and want to eat me so maybe it's not the best idea.

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We've been slack on the geekery so let's do this up right, with more news of the Watchmen movie - check out the new images from the film here and to go back in time a bit how's about another look at the movie posters for this film from the SDCC. I think that things are looking pretty good and yes this is a movie that may just warrant a trip into the city to see.

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Now let's all watch the movie trailer again. Who watches the Watchmen? I do.

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That's it for now, go read the paper or something.

Meanwhile back at the ranch . . .

Well I'm back again - I've been on holidays from work the past couple weeks so I've been too busy doing other stuff to get on here. You may ask what I've been up to since I wasn't wasting time here entertaining you lot, well I was fishing, biking,

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roasting pigs,

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going to weddings (don't worry none of them were mine, if it were of course I would have invited all of you), binge drinking, finally saw The Dark Knight (and it was soooo-oh awesome, it was the Batman movie they always should have made - it's too bad we won't see Heath Ledger as the Joker again . . . maybe as Solomon Grundy (ohh hey who said that?)), some lazing about and a little general TCB.
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You'll also be happy to hear that I finally sampled the bacon vodka that I made over my hols, and it was awesome, it got some great reviews from the crowd. It has a real smoky, greasy taste to it, you definitely know it's bacon vodka. One fan proclaimed it to be like drinking pork rinds. Now how much better than that can you get eh? If you want to make your own here's the recipe link again; though when I made it I used a full 26 ounce bottle of Absolut and I think five strips of the thick slice bacon. If you want to shave some years off your life there's no better way to do it that I know of.

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But enough of that, let's get down to bidnizz bitches.

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Maybe we can start with a couple photo collections. Check out these collections of cool photos of abandoned places, first one here, second one here. The photography and/or photoshoppery is fantastic. Maybe someday I can BAM my picture skills a notch or two. I guess a good start would be taking a course or reading a book instead of just pointing my camera at stuff and pressing the button. But who has the time for that?

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Speaking of abandoned places, how long do you have to leave a place alone to have a tree start to grow in a pile of old books and papers? Well that's exactly what happened at a Detroit school book repository, check out the photo here, it's just a small sapling but you can see it. Amazing stuff, nature really will over come . . . once we aren't around here to fuck with it. Not that I'm a proponent of exterminating the human race to save mother earth or anything crazy like that.

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If the photos of the places left to rot and ruin have brought you down, maybe you should check out these photos of a rather un-abandoned place, New York City, from the 1940's. There are some really cool shots in there.

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If you're a regular reader you'll remember the Thai prison thriller dance I posted a while back, well here's one for the geek set, it's a Darth Vader/Storm Trooper Thriller Dance. You know these guys are totally going to be tapping some sweet Slave Leia ass because of this.

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Time is running short so I think I'll leave with the theatrical trailer for the movie Bitch Slap, to be released this Christmas time, because nothing says Christmas like car chase, titty showing, fist fighting exploitation films. This film is looking so bad ass it's not even funny. I know I want to see it, from here it looks like it's got cult classic written all over it.

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And I'd like to leave you today with a lovely de-motivational message. You know it's true, and yet some how you have to find a way to go on.

Got title?

Today marks the 46th anniversary of the death/suicide/murder of everyone's favourite brown eyed brunette, Miss Norma Jeane Mortensen, or Baker, aka Marilyn Monroe. No matter which it was she took some great photos . . . I'm not a huge Marilyn mark myself, but I know plenty are.

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While we're talking about celebs, or at least a celeb, how about checking out some photos by Alison Jackson, who uses look-a-likes or photoshop to get, or should that be make, pictures of celebs in their private lives. Check out a sampling here and here . . . I still can't believe that Liz pees.

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I don't know why this couldn't have happened when I was in Oz, but it seems that after these photos, some topless, of Jessica Origliasso of the Aussie pop band the Veronicas surfaced online fans protest/lend support with their own topless photos . . . but you'll have to find those for yourself. Now that's what you call fan support . . . I mean you don't hear about Billy Joel fans posting pics of their drunken car crashes online to protest The Piano Man's being shown to the world. Lord love the logic of a teen girl's mind.

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You can read a bit about the whole kerfuffle here if you're interested, but now that you've already seen the boobie pic I'm sure you're well enough pleased.

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Since you already brought up Aussie pop stars, how's about we cover 40 years of Kylie Minogue in 35 photos (WTF - Kylie's 40?).

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I think we need to combat all the pop shmaltz we've had going on so far today with something with a higher concentration of awesome . . . like this video of The Muppet Show Band covering Rammstein's Engel, with special guest appearance by Debbie Harry.

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Since pretty much everything's had a musical flair to it today I'm going to sign off with a sweet little video with a couple whities rapping about their favourite of all lady parts, the FUPA.

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Laterz.

I Want My MTV

Can you believe that it was 27 years ago today, way back in 1981 that MTV first hit the airwaves, first playing the Buggles Video Killed the Radio Star (just ask Christopher Cross how true that statement is/was/are/am) followed immediately by Pat Benatar's You'd Better Run.

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Make your own crack about how MTV, and similarly Much Music, used to play videos, hee hee ho ho. That's original shit there. Speaking of Much Music, what ever happened to Erica Ehm? I'm sure I bring that up every time I mention Much Music, but anyone got an answer for me? Oh I guess this is what she's doing, thanks Google, you rarely let me down.

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Well we're kinda talking music so how about some good news, bad news from the world of rock . . . first the bad news. According to this interview with Tom Araya Slayer is under contract for one more album, and it may be their last for fear of becoming what Ozzy has. Big ups for getting out on top, but boo-urns to the possibility of only one more new Slayer record . . . and their last record was top shelf Slayer as far as I'm concerned and I saw them play the MTS Centre a couple summers ago and they were fantastic on stage. No encore though, but I think there's some sort of rule about not playing past 11:00 in that arena because I haven't been to a show there yet that went much past 11:00.

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Now for the good news, according to this Megadeth are getting ready and/or getting a studio ready to record a new record and after seeing them in Winnipeg this spring, read about the experience here, and thinking that their latest record was as good as anything they ever did I'm as hap-hap-happy, as metal fan is allowed to be under international metal conventions, can be.

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Well it looks like I didn't hit the nerd prom again, but here's a close 2nd, how's about a nice slideshow of some of the costumes from the convention floor, opening with a nice shot showing why they call her Mrs. Inredible.

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And where can I find a bird who dresses like this? The one on the right wisenheimer. Oh well at least I'm not the only one with an unhealthy attraction to animated ladies. You know you've got a problem if you thought he left out Batgirl, Catwoman and Supergirl.

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Back to the SDCC check out this slide show of some of the great things revealed at this year's event.

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Sadly I've got to link a little more serious news here, have you read about the Manitoba Greyhound Murder? Truly grizzly horror movie stuff to be sure, hard to believe that something like that could happen in real life. One has to wonder why something like that could have happened . . . I mean surely there's no good reason for it, but aren't just the least bit curious to know what was going through that guy's head just before he decided it was time stab the guy behind 50 some times and remove his head from his shoulders?

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One more reason to take the train, eh?

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And remember if you're in Toronto, tonight, Zerg, Bovine, be there.

Heil Knitler!

Nope that wasn't a typo - there's an enterprising English woman who has developed knitting patterns of some of history's worst baddies in case the one thing missing in your life is a cuddle with a soft plush Pol Pot, Idi Amin or der Fuhrer himself, among a few others. You can read a bit about the women/her business here if you're so inclined.

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In case you're a bit of a geek as well you may be interested to know, or more likely already know, it's Nazi week on the History channel. Check it out yo, so far it's been pretty good even if I've seen most of the shows already. So far I haven't seen any coverage of Hitler's questionable relationship with his neice, but maybe they're saving the racy stuff for Friday night.

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Now it's time for the rock. We all now know that Metallica is releasing a new album, Death Magnetic, and here's the album cover art (it's either a coffin shaped hole with magnetic field lines around it or a stylised hairy vagina drawn by someone with limited exposure to the va-jay-jay) if you're interested. Not bad not great, and definitely not Master of Puppets. Let's all hope the music is way way way more awesome than the cover.

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Metallica have also released a track list for the album. I don't know why they had to write another sequel to The Unforgiven . . . after all sequels are never as good as the original.

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While we're on a Metallica kick, how about Metallica covering Maiden's Remember Tomorrow from the album Maiden Heaven: A Tribute to Iron Maiden. It's pretty good, but I think I prefer the original in this case, but this isn't one of my favourite Maiden songs, or close to it. I do think that I will look for this record, I am a big fan of cover songs and Maiden, so how can you go wrong?

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Well I'm short on time so I'm outta here, but I will leave you with this gem, just in case you're hankering for a chocolate cake but can only spare five minutes to make it. No need to thank me now, but if you must I am partial to apple pie.

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Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm pie.

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And don't forget if you're in the Toronto area (which you may be surprised to read isn't all of Canada) you should go see Zerg play at the Bovine tomorrow night. It will rock your socks clean off.

Side Effects May Include . . .

Is it just me, or does anyone else think that the advertising of prescription drugs shouldn't be allowed?

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It just seems so wrong and sleazy to me, and I can only guess that the Doctors don't like it either. I mean before at least the hypochondriacs out there had to crack a book, go off what a doctor may have told the friend of a friend of your aunt two towns over or more recently scour the interwebs in search of a diagnosis for their latest problem, but now all you have to be doing is watching your favourite television network and Kapow inside an hour your bombarded with several ads for various pills willing to cure whatever ails you, whether you're too happy, not happy enough, can't poop, poop too much, can't get it up, can't get it down. It don't matter, if you got it there's a pill for it and more importantly a commercial for that pill.

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Don't get me wrong, I'm not against pills in any way shape or form, I still believe in the might and power of pills the way that most of my generation seems to believe in massage, chiropracty and acupuncture. But then again I also think that Doctors should be grey haired men in white coats who drive Cadillacs, not shaggy headed Birkenstock wearing folks with a kayak strapped to the roof of their RAV4. But that's me . . . and I also think that cops should be bigger stronger and more intimidating that me, and that's without the the gun. But that's something for another time.

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But I doubt there's anyway to get the prescription commercials off the air now. But I say if they must stay on, they should roll like beer commercials, you know have rocking soundtracks and leave me with the impression that if I use their product I'll have a funner life, shag hotter girls and drive sweeter cars. Like the Smilin' Bob did with Enzyte . . . too bad they got their asses sued off for selling admitting to knowingly selling lies in pill format. That's right kids, moral of the story, don't admit to knowing anything . . . and if you can blame the guy who can't speak English.

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Ah Pedro you saved my ass so many times.

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That's enough ranting, how about a weird accapella type band that I was directed to yesterday by the name of Van Canto. Based solely on the couple of videos I watched on YouTube they cover metal songs with out instruments, well okay there seems to be a drum kit in the background, but they do just like you do when you're rocking out and start trying to sing out the guitar parts going all squeedley and weedley and bin-a-lin-lin-lin-nin, only they're good.

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Check them out rocking the shit out of Metallica's Battery and here's a vid clip of them doing Iron Maiden's The Trooper live on stage. Pretty cool eh? I wonder if the singer's got another band, because I think he'd make a great metal front man, even if he does like to slather on the guy-liner.

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I think that's enough for now. Until next time.

Looking for a new job?

This isn't the job for me, or at least I don't think it is, but maybe it'd be up your alley? No matter seems that as of a few months ago (sorry for not posting sooner, can't find them all right away) the band GWAR was looking for a new Beefcake. Think you could fill his alien boots and latex shoulder pads? I'm sure it'd be fun, and I can promise they put on an awesome show (saw them in Winnipeg a few years ago at the Pyramid Cabaret).

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If that isn't the job for you but you're still listing about displeased with your current spot in the world (Do you want to make more money? Of course we all do.) maybe you can gleen some inspiration or information from this interview from Entertainment Weekly with Alan Moore, one of the finest writers of our time and I am quite convinced that he can do no wrong.

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I had no idea that he had such a hate on for the San Diego Comic-Con, well maybe hate on is too strong a word, but I guess I wouldn't like it much if I were in a building with several thousand pasty acne ridden basement dwellers worshipping my like some kind of god. I mean I could handle it from afar, but up close and personal, no thanks. Doesn't matter, I'm still going to check it out someday.

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Since we're on the topic of the SDCC seems that Rose McGowan very nearly pulled a Britney (aren't Brazillian waxes with C-section scars sooo-oh sexy?) but looks like she remembered one - she's a lady and two - she's wearing a dress. From the pic can't tell if she remember to wear underpants or not, but if she could remember or okay be reminded that her body's nobody's body but her's, I'm sure she did. Check out this link if you're interested in seeing what very nearly could have been.

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And since we're talking Rose McGowan looks like while at the Comic-Con she and boyfriend/producer Robert Rodriguez assured the world that Rodriguez's Red Sonja remake starring Ms. McGowan is a go. There's a brief write up about it here, but forget about the words you're just going to want to click that link for the two Red Sonja posters they have there.

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The original Red Sonja with Brigitte Neilson (who if you don't remember her from when she was making movies, a sex symbol and married to Sly Stallone are probably more familiar with her celebrity trian wreck carreer on such great shows as the Surreal Life, Strange Love or Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew) was such a stinker I even realised it as a kid seeing the film in the theatre.

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Time is running short on me so here's some bad news for soap dodgers, seems there's an Indonesian study that's reporting that eating too much of some soy products may contribute to . . . oh shit . . . what the hell was it? Oh yeah memory loss . . . either maybe it's that or the people who eat too much tofu smoke too much dope? Maybe that's it. But then again correlation isn't causation is it?

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That's her for now - until next time.

Geeks of the World Unite

Well okay maybe not the world, but how about northwestern Ontario, Manitoba and the Skatch? The Manitoba Comicon is only a few months away now, I didn't get to go last year (I went to South East Asia instead) but some friends did, and this year looks even bigger and better . . . and chock full of celebs, with the likes of Lou Ferrigno (fresh off a sweet cameo in the latest Incredible Hulk film), Supergirl (I wonder if she still looks like this?) and Boomer from the original Battlestar Galactica.

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I think I'll part with the $20 for the autograph and photo with Lou Ferrigno, for some reason that totally seems worth it.

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I'm planning to hit this up, better start saving now so I can afford the gas to get there and back eh? Should be sweet, and who knows maybe there'll be some good costumes to check out. And someday I will hit the mother of all cons - the San Diego Comic-con, now that'd be sweet. Imagine a building full of people where I'd be one of the coolest ones there?

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I'm running behind so this is going to have to be cut short today, but you've gotta check out the Retarded Policeman videos on Youtube. There are several videos up there, and I have to see each one I watched was literally laugh out loud funny, but this one was a favourite. So far they've all been gold, but maybe I'm only laughing because I'm a bad person . . . well how about a little from column A, a little from column B.

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You may recall me pissing and moaning a while ago about the water rates in my town skyrocketing, well I've gotten my first bill under the new regime and it's gone up about $12.00 for the month, sure that's not a ton, another 40 cents a day . . . but it's an almost 19% increase. And there's only two people in this house . . . I'd hate to be family man right now . . . well at anytime really, but that's whole different matter.

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And here I thought the town CAO said that we'd save money under this new scheme? Looks like he was confused and I was right . . . again. And in case you're wondering, no it doesn't get old.

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Well that it's for now - enjoy some more Retarded Policeman and see you next time.

Gimme a hell, Gimme a yeah

I don't know if you've heard this song yet, but I'm sure you have it's been getting a lot of play on Power 97 lately. Personally I think with a title like that and some of the hooks it's got going on it should be a whole lot more kick ass than what it is. It seems like a good part of the song is pretty rocking, then they go and crank the suck up, way up.

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It's like it's Rev Theory's failed attempt at writing an Andrew W. K. song or something. Again just one man's theory here, but since you're here reading it you must put some stock into it. Or your hoping for a link with some boobies in it.

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How about a great departure from rock, to something that those of you who are still regular Sesame Street viewers have already seen, but was new to me, it's Feist on Sesame Street telling us all how she loves counting to four, in song.

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Feist isn't my usual taste in music but there's something about her voice and writing that appeals to me. Can't explain it, won't explain it, all I can say is I don't know music but I know what I like.

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I have to say I've had a pretty underwhelming response to my latest video challenge, but I think that this would have been a good offering . . . although I'm not sure that it technically counts as a cover since they're quite obviously lip-syncing. No matter it's still chock full of awesome, and proof that there are people with more time to waste than yours truly.

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But enough of the rock and ranting, this Andy Dick mugshot is easily one of the best celeb mugshots I've seen since Nick Nolte's. Seems that Mr. Dick had to learn the hard way what so many of us just know, you can't be disrobing teenaged girls without their permission, especially when you've got a pocketful of pot. Well knowing Andy Dick he didn't learn a god damned thing. Everyone loves a celebrity train wreck don't they?

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You know what this post needs? Some minor geekery; so here goes. Seems that Barbie doll modelled on the DC comic character Black Canary is drawing some fire from critics for its bondage-y imagery (but then again what doesn't these days? You can't even swing a cat around by its tail or take a baby for a ride in the back of half ton without someone pissing and moaning about it) and it's not even released until September. You can read some more about it here if you like.

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I don't know what the big deal is with this, I really doubt that there are going to be too many little girls clamouring for this one, it's made for the fan boys and collectors to put up on their shelves; like the Dana Scully Barbie & Fox Mulder Ken that was made.

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While we're talking Barbie, how about this artwork (I don't know what else to call it) made up of 32,000 Barbie doll. I'm sure the artist is trying to make some kinda statement with the art, but if you have to explain it, are you really making the statement? It's like having to explain a joke, it's not funny if you have to tell someone why it's funny. But that is of course just mine opinion.

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Well that's her for now, and remember when it's time to party we party hard.

Who Watches the Watchmen?

At long last there is a trailer online for the film adaptation of Alan Moore's graphic novel Watchmen and it's flat out awesome. The trailer looks great, some of the scenes from trailer look exactly like pages from the book and the costumes I've seen pictures of or in the trailer look pretty accurate too.

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Like this photo from the film that could be the book come to life. Needless to say, I've got high hopes for this film and can't wait to see it, but sadly I have to as it's not released until next March. In the mean time I can keep rewatching the trailer, checking out the movie site and looking at its IMDB page.

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In case the trailer and site aren't enough to get you excited for this movie, maybe checking out this movie set preview from the folks over at CHUD will. And if that doesn't check your pulse 'cause brother you're probably the walking dead.

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In case you aren't familiar with Alan Moore his graphic novels V for Vendetta and From Hell also were made into films that you may have seen . . . and if you not you should. Shit give the books a read too, they're full of pictures so it won't hurt your brain muscle too much.

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Speaking of comic movies, how about that Dark Knight eh? I haven't seen it yet, but it's set a new opening weekend box office record. Hooray for Batman. Batman Begins was a great film, a proper return to the darker Batman and so far I haven't heard anything bad about the sequel. I guess this says to Hollywood, no matter how much people download movies or buy pirated ones at the dodgy mall with all the kids playing DDR they still go out to see a movie in the theatres if you make a good one. I wonder if that lesson will be learned? Probably not.

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While we're talking Batman, how about this brief, emphasis on brief, slideshow history of the Joker. I have to say I learned something from it.

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That's enough geekery for today, eh? How about an important public health notice. Check out this article that talks about a study that says that DIY breast exams may do more harm than good. This could be truly frightening news, and more proof that these checks should be carried out by health care professionals . . . and concerned and properly trained Bloggers.

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Well I think I'll sign off with a bit of giggity for you - check out these pics of Rosario Dawson in her bikini taken in Italy. I can't pin it down but this lady is something else, well at least to look at anyway, I can't say I actually know what she's like . . . the scene in Clerks 2 where she's dancing on the roof pretty much stops me dead every time.

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That's it for now.

Happy Birthday to the Hoff

Just wanted to take a minute to wish Mr. David Hasselhoff the happiest of birthdays today. Here's to hoping you don't end up drunk off your ass trying to eat a burger off the floor being admonished by your daughter again this year Dave.

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Ah hell who am I kidding, we've all been there, just most of us aren't in the public eye so no one cares when it ends up on the net . . . well except for maybe your mum, that shit nearly broke her heart.

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So in conclusion Mr. Hasselhoff, more this, less that.

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And how's about a quick bit of learning? You may have seen the stage production or the film Sweeney Todd, starring Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham-Carter, which I would have enjoyed more if it weren't a musical, but that's neither here or there . . . back to the item at hand. Well seems that the Demon Barber of Fleet Street was a real life figure, credited with 150 murders and who turned his victims over to his special lady, Mrs. Lovett, to turn them into meat pies; you can read some about it here if you're interested.

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And one last entry for today - in honour of our piss poor summer, I bring out another history lesson, but this time it's the history of the Super Soaker, check it out yo. All I can say is if it took a nuclear physicist to come up with a decent water gun, no wonder it took so damned long to for these bad boys to hit the market. Does anyone even buy the shitty little squirt guns anymore? Can you even get them? And if you can, why?

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Well that's it for now . . . it's short, but at least the posts have been regular this week.

Worst. Cover. EVAR!?!

It's video challenge two time - this could quite possibly be the worst cover ever. Can you top it? Please please please top it, and my only ground rule is that any covers by Sheryl Crow are not allowed to be entered.

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It amazes me how such a good singer can so unsuccessfully perform other people's songs, I mean she proved it when she released a cover of G'n'R's Sweet Child o' Mine, Zeppelin's D'yer Maker and brutal cover of a June Carter-Cash tune on the Johnny Cash Tribute show (which I can't quickly find a video for) . . . but her duet with Willie Nelson for If I Were a Carpenter is pretty good overall, but it kinda goes for a shit for a while in the 2nd verse.

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Feel free to submit some Nicky 9 Lines if you want though.

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This isn't one of the worst covers ever, in fact it's one of my favourites, and I'm a guy who loves cover songs, and the video is flat out amazing. If it doesn't grab your heart you're a god damned robot or a Communist or a Communist Robot,. Either that or maybe I'm a huge pussy . . . no matter, it's still a damned fine video.

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I'm outta here, the sun's supposed to stay out all day today too. Maybe I should call in sick . . .

Great News Everyone

According to this none other than Sarah Silverman is once again single; perhaps Jimmy Kimmel's loss could be my gain? I know it's early but Sarah if you're out there and interested in big bald hairy guys drop a line.

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Since we're talking about Sarah Silverman, seems that she's going to be on the new Match Game that will air on TBS along with Norm MacDonald, Super Dave Osborne and Scott Thompson (no doubt playing Charles Nelson Reilly for a new millennium). I have to wonder if it will be as good as the original, as I can't see the networks letting anyone get away with the on air drinking and smoking that the original (well worth watching on GSN just to see Betty White making dirty jokes) was full of. The show had a good format and the panel of B-List celebs were usually pretty good, Brett Somers bashing on CNR for being gay and getting loopy, CNR smoking his pipe while wearing ascot and Richard Dawson hitting on every female contestant to grace the stage.

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And you CNR is the shit when he's the subject of a Dead Milkmen song. Makes me want to have my own hilltop Nelson Reilly orgy with fifteen girls. Good times.

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You can read more about it here if you're interested.

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That's enough classic game show talk for now, how about something that'll maybe appeal to the freegans (just another breed of dirty hippy) out there, The Best Before Challenge. Check out the article by a Brit who over a two week stretch ate food increasingly past its best before date to prove the fact that we throw out too much good food or maybe it was just to piss off his wife. Nothing bad happened to the writer and the humour in the article is mint. Check out it, and don't just throw out that milk because it's on the sell by date, at least see if it's good first.

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Since I brought up the soap dodgers again, maybe you'll be interested in this article about a set of Scottish vegan parents who brought their daughter up on a strict vegan diet and who at the age of 12 had to be admitted to hospital bone condition which has left her with the spine of an 80-year-old woman. I know now even as I type this there are people who will bombard me with information that it is possible to raise a healthy kid as vegetarian or vegan and that's probably right . . . I mean there are people all over the world who don't eat meat, although I'm sure for many it's a lifestyle that is forced on them by circumstance and not choice.

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And being Scottish vegans I wonder if deep fried Mars bars are still okay to eat? I guess it would depend on whether it's friend in vegetable oil or animal oil . . . and whether or not there's really milk in the milk chocolate.

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Unfortunately the article doesn't mention what happened to the 80 year old lady that they took the spine out of. Ba-dump-bump!

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Maybe having a Mars bar based diet isn't so bad, check out this article (complete with what is quite possibly the most unappealing photo of a dude eating a chocolate bar (that's right chocolate bar, not candy bar) ever) about a guy who claims to have lived on them for the past 17 years. I wonder if he eats them all raw or has any deep fried?

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I'm sure you've no doubt noticed I link to Wikipedia a lot here, and why not it's quick and easy and even if it's not the most accurate, it's close enough for rock and roll, or at least this shadowy corner of the interweb. But there are many other 'Pedias out there on the net, and here's Wired's compilation of the 8 best non-Wiki Pedias, like Dickipedia, which states:

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"Gerald 'Geraldo' Rivera is a TV journalist, noted egotist, former talk-show host, and a dick."

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And check out their Dr. Phil article . . . now he's truly and honestly a dick. I wonder if I can make a page there for myself?

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The Uncyclopedia also gets a mention, a hugely amusing website which regular readers may remember from some post on here . . . or if I didn't post it before I meant to. Check out the entries for Toronto and Canadian Inventions.

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That's it for today - and remember as a wise friend of mine said "Best before doesn't mean bad after."